Monday, May 30, 2011

Reflecting on this summer's RPT workshop.

Yes, this post is overdue. This is actually a sort of reflection paper that Sir Dennis had requested that we give him after the workshop. I decided that this is worthy of a blog entry.

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I had said to my fellow workshoppers at the beginning of the workshop that despite the fact that I’ve taken countless acting workshops, I’m fully convinced that it’s still not yet time for me to shine as an actor, so I keep reverting back to my usual safe backstage work.

Intimidation and inhibitions are my biggest obstacles when it comes to performing. Even though we were comforted with the fact that there are no right or wrong answers during the workshop(s) (especially considering that this is a rehearsal and performance techniques class), there’s always this big part of me that keeps holding back, afraid of making the wrong acting choices.

Then I always end up regretting that I did hold back. And I just wind up feeling frustrated that I didn’t get much out of the workshop, and primarily it’s all my fault.

Dive in. Don’t overthink. These are two of the several phrases that I keep hearing throughout this year’s workshop. I then realized what made me keep coming back to these classes—the hunger to learn the craft even more, the opportunity to make a character your own, the chance to explore different things, be it safe or unsafe, the magical and thought-provoking process of analyzing a script and getting those “aaahhh” epiphanic moments, and the feeling of accomplishment when recital came around.

The workshop class this summer was no exception. As a matter of fact, I felt more fulfilled this year.

I was glad to have Sir Dennis back to teach Rehearsal and Performance Techniques class this summer, as I have been sitting-in at TP Actors Company’s Script Analysis class the entire season. I felt as if I was left hanging when the season ended and we didn’t finish discussing the last play for the class, so I decided to join the RPT class once again. I told myself to stop holding back, as I always do at the beginning of every workshop. The problem with me was that I don’t seem to follow through all that much.

Having taken this class before, I already had an idea about some of the things discussed in the class. But I also knew that every class was still very different, and new things that were never discussed in the previous classes always come up.

Bit by bit, I told myself to learn and unlearn once again, and I should shed off my inhibitions. Go for the kill as I was told the year before.

For some reason, I wanted to get a good role this time, as opposed to previous shows and recitals. So whatever character was given to me for each scene assigned we were tasked to do, I tried my best to do what was given to us. I was always on my toes, and sometimes I still get this feeling that my performance for the day was mediocre. But it wasn’t the usual mediocre feeling of frustration. It was a mediocre feeling of wanting to do more. I do believe that’s quite a good change for me, so I guess I did grow up, acting-wise.

So I guess I was one of the most surprised in the class when I found out that Sir Dennis gave me the role of Gwendolen in our recital of Ang Halaga ng Pagiging Masigasig (his own translation of Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest), the role that I was secretly vying for, even though I wouldn’t really admit it out loud. But well, of course, I was thrilled. Sir Dennis did say that he casted us according to who he really sees fit for the role, so I was mighty flattered, though bowled over, by his decision, as he had entrusted this particular role to me.

It was quite a challenge during the next few days, as we had only 3 days before the recital. It was quite an effort to develop our characters (despite our research), to flesh them out, and somewhat memorize all those lines during the meagre amount of time we had left to rehearse.

My frustration from my first RPT workshop was brought about by my being locked into the script. So with that in mind, I got to learn, unlearn and re-learn. And just dive in. Sir Dennis kept reminding us that it’s not all about memorizing the script. As long as we had done all the research and have our objectives in check, we will be saying our lines accordingly. And I realized that he was right. During parts of the play where I had graphed it intensively with my objectives, I had no problem with my lines. But when it came to certain parts when I didn’t do so much work, I struggled with the scenes and started groping for what I had to say next.

It was sink or swim during the day of the recital. We all struggled during the run-through, and I struggled with some of my objectives, and even my vocal projection (oh, how I easily forget the basics sometimes). But after the notes that we were given afterwards, I somewhat relaxed during the break when we were told to forget about the script for a while as we prepped up for the actual performance.

Being a flurry of nerves, anxiety and excitement, I just decided to focus my energy on my excitement to use for the show. I guess that was a good choice because once I jumped in, I actually enjoyed my time onstage, and felt really good about my performance. Even though I still barrelled through some parts (well, a whole group of us), especially during the third act, I still had a great time and felt more accomplished compared to my previous workshops.

During the final company call after the recital, I was still anxious about our facilitators’ feedback on each of us. Despite certain obvious things that I still have to learn and unlearn, it felt great when Sir Dennis had told me that I really should act more. And I trusted his opinion regarding this. I actually missed acting when I’m doing other work, and I felt this amazing high during our recital.

Over a late dinner after everything, Rayna had told me that during the recital, my objectives were clear, but I just don’t really follow through completely. In other words, I didn’t commit despite the fact that my objectives were obvious. I did take that to heart because I do know that was true, even in the general sense. If I did commit to everything I was doing onstage, I would’ve done a much better performance. If I did commit in my passion in acting, I would’ve been acting onstage a long time ago. And I really should take that to heart.

I do believe that I grew more during this summer’s workshop, and it’s just a matter of focus, commitment, and the willingness and courage in myself to just dive in and stop all the overthinking. Plus the encouragement from my fellow workshoppers helped so much as well along the way. And I’m grateful for both Sir Dennis and Rayna for letting me realize all these things and more this year. Here’s to hoping for more acting opportunities.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

To "you guys."

This is something I was planning to post on my Facebook wall as a shoutout to certain friends, but I believe it's more worthy of a cryptic blog post.

To the troubled friend, you know you're loved by all of us, so there's always someone when you're tired. I love you.
To the reproachful secret friend, you're confusing me because of changing minds by the day. But thanks for certain moments, and I miss you.
To the friend-in-law, I'm still wary of you ever since you stuck your nose in other people's business. I don't know if I could tell you anything or even trust you again.
To the mutual friend, I still get suspicious, but I apologize that I think those things of you. You know I still care.
To all my other friends, I miss you. How're you guys doing?

Yes, I still have pending blog posts, but I'll blog again soon!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Cebu Blog Camp 2011!

I know I haven't blogged in ages, plus I still have pending blog entries, but I can't wait for next weekend, so I just have to post this.

It's my first time to attend the annual Cebu Blog Camp this year, and became aware of this through Hendri, who had attended last year's blog camp.

Of course, I just had to attend. One of the primary reasons could be... well, I've been blogging for as long as I can remember. I started blogging way back in 2001 (yes, 10 years ago!), and I guess it's pretty apt to attend after 10 years of blogging. I'm pretty much an old-school blogger, as I love writing long entries without even bothering to create tags of any sort, and despite the fact that there are already convenient ways of microblogging, I still settle for old-school entry-writing, no matter how short some entries could be.

Second, it would be a good opportunity to travel and meet new people. My goodness, I'm finally going to Cebu, hahaha!

Next, the topics to be discussed are pretty interesting and useful. There will be talks on photography (shoutout to my DSLR camera sponsor for this trip, hahaha), travel and social media marketing. I think I saw a few other topics in the program as well, so it makes me even more excited. The lectures would be such great help to spruce things up in my blog.

Fourth, the event sounds really promising. My curiosity made me so persistent to go. Who knows, after the blog camp's over, I turn this into an annual trip.

One final reason is... Hmmm... what else? Well, it's nice to do something random and something that's not part of your routine every once in a while. And this is it for me right now. I'm traveling to Cebu alone just for the sole reason of being part of this event.

Oh, by the way, I'll be staying an extra day in Cebu, just in case anyone's there who's willing to adopt me and take me around the place, hahaha. I did hear that we'll might go island-hopping, so I sure hope that pushes through.

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The Cebu blog Camp is an event organized annually by the Cebu Bloggers of the Blog and Soul Movement which is the educating leg of the Philippine Blog Awards Inc. which has been running for already four years. This is the largest gathering of bloggers in Cebu.

THE CEBU BLOG CAMP 2011

is co-presented by

 

Bronze Sponsors

Geiser Maclang Marketing Communications, Inc.

 

Media and Institution Partners

Official Web Browser

Official TV Media Partner

Official Online Print Media

Official Photo-Social Media Partner

DONOR

Academy for International Culinary Arts



Thursday, May 5, 2011

Wow, a brief post on a simple thought.

While we were talking, you said certain things that made me think. Which of them rings true? Which ones were the jokes? And could they be half-truths? Haha, I'm just being cynical.

I missed you. Like I said, tagal na tayong di nagkukwentuhan. So there were updates, serious talks, even some gossip, and joking around, even though the time was pretty limited.

Thanks for the time today. Looking forward to the next time I see you and hang out with you, as you had promised. See you real soon. And your treat next time, hahaha! =)

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Not much, really.

This past week has kept me occupied, and I'm glad for that. I'm grateful for the things that have been happening, for friends both old and new, and all the things that I'm learning every day.

First, some quotable quotes.

In Peaberry Cafe with Erik...
Me: (on what to order) Handa na ba ako for something cold?
Erik: ...like my heart.

Ano buh.

Anyway, after work and a short nap yesterday, I went to CCP early, because I knew that if I stayed in Makati, I might do some unnecessary spending on food and whatnot in the malls. So I was off to CCP so I don't have to see so much that I have to spend on. At first, I decided to stay in the LT lobby and possibly catch a few minutes of sleep there, but once I settled down on the carpet, I found the place really hot. So I left and decided to check out if the air conditioner at the Silangan Hall was on, so I could possibly stay there for a while. Once I reached the 4th floor, I heard voices (well, just one voice, really) coming from Silangan. When I walked over to take a peak, it was Carlos Celdran, conducting his Living La Vida Imelda CCP tour. It was also hot in the venue, and everyone was fanning themselves with whatever they had with them. I ended up staying and listening, even though I wasn't really part of the tour. I even separated myself and just sat on the steps leading to the hall.

One of the ladies in the back of the group then turned to look behind her, and when I saw who she was, I was surprised to see that it was my former Playshop classmate Jolina! I haven't seen her in years, and it was great to see her again. We quietly said hi to each other before we both turned our attention back to Carlos.

When they changed venues, I decided to head downstairs to get some water in the buffeteria. Then I noticed Allie standing outside the artists entrance, so I decided to say hi and have a bit of small talk.

Allie: Mukhang ako lang sa batch natin ang nakapag Main Theater, hahaha.

Haha, I love that. It's pretty sad to know that not a lot of people in our chosen course decided to pursue theater in the long run. I guess practicality is more than just an option for them.

And this conversation was related to my next one, when I ran into Jolina and her husband in the LT lobby while they were taking a break before their tour group had to head over to PICC for the next leg of the tour. We were catching up on each other's news, and of course she had asked why I was there in CCP.

Jolina: Parang ikaw lang sa class natin ang tumuloy talaga sa theater.

It was partly true, though Lawyn is also in the industry, thanks to my crazy influences. I guess to most, theater is really more like a hobby than a career.

I can't wait for this coming season. TP's Noli Me Tangere The Musical already made a press release today, announcing the cast.

I realize that I still think too much. I guess it's the Sagittarian in me. But then again, it's also still just me. Sometimes I just let things and thoughts flow from my mind, to my fingers, to a piece of notebook paper, or to a notepad file on my phone, or to this blog. But sometimes I also just start thinking, and thinking even more, then I edit. Like I told my friend, sometimes I don't trust myself in writing what I think and feel right away. I'm afraid I might get too tactless no matter how cryptic I try to be. Heck, I've already lessened the frequent posts in my private blog because I remembered how shocked I was when I found myself angrily typing when a thought was still fresh in my mind. And to think I usually use my blogs and journals to de-stress.

Though sometimes, I enjoy just being candid when I write. That's what made most of my writing style, really.

And once again, that card reading rings true more and more each day.

RPT recital is drawing near. Next week. Oh my. More thoughts on that on another post, maybe tomorrow. For now, I just noticed how the days really fly.