This is my current Facebook status (posted last night):
"God really does close doors to prepare you for brighter triumphs. He made me realize it this afternoon til evening, when I visited a former life I led before. And I saw what I could've become if I kept pursuing that road. He knew I wouldn't survive. Hence, He opened a door that lined up the people and the possibilities for better victories in life, thanks to my Lebran family. Now it's up to me and my 5% to complete the 95% He had already done."
That realization inspired me to write this entry.
For those of you reading this that didn't know, I got to attend Bo Sanchez's 2-day retreat during the Holy Week. Capping the event was a Grand Easter Feast that had 18,000 attendees. It made quite a mark on me, that even until now, I'm still absorbing all the talks and the sharing that we heard in the duration of the retreat, right on until the Easter celebration.
Last Saturday, the Shapers that got to attend the retreat (including me) were asked to share our experiences after that to our entire Lebran family. I have to say that it was pretty emotional for me because what I had to share consisted of experiences within the team about choosing between the right choice and the popular choice.
Anyway, so where was I? So first of all, during one of the talks in the retreat, Bo Sanchez himself talked about the "missing piece" in all of us, about God doing 95% of the work for us, so we only have to give the remaining 5%.
During the Grand Easter feat, he also discussed how God not only opens doors for us, and lines up the people who would help us fulfill our dreams and goals, but He also closes doors in order to save us, and one of the reasons for this was what I had mentioned in the Facebook status I had posted ("to prepare you for brighter triumphs").
I mentioned earlier that I'm still absorbing all the talks that had been discussed, even until today. I was pretty overwhelmed with all the things I've heard because it felt like God was talking to me through all the builders, the speakers, and the sharers, and He knew where to hit me at all the right spots. Kaboom. He keeps on challenging me because I keep thinking about it, and even tested me immediately right after (where I made the wrong choices). It's a never-ending lesson for me, especially now that I have to be a more responsible and mature person in front of the younger teammates I have in Lebran.
Now let's go back to my post on Facebook.
Yesterday, I visited my former world of theatre. I wanted to just drop by, say hi to a few old friends in the production, and maybe hang around with them until the show started. I was then invited to watch the evening show, so I had to stay and wait.
Then I saw the disbursement of allowances/talent fees. I remember that that was always something I looked forward to every week. The amount that I used to get every week was what I now earn per day. Per day.
Oh. My. Gosh.
Realizing that then, and recalling that realization just now made me think, wow, I can do so much more now with what God had provided for me these past couple of years. He opened that door once so we could close the door I went through before. And now He had already prepared everything I needed to fulfill what I'm reaching for. But sometimes (or most of the time?) I'm just too stubborn and full of low-esteem to realize that.
There you go, that's also my missing piece. That's the 5% I need to work on, after that huge 95% chunk He had already laid out for me.
I always remind myself to be grateful. I'm always grateful for everything that has happened since becoming a scholar, then a shaper in Lebran. And now, I also have to learn to fight if I want to keep what I know is for me.
Thank you, Lebran family and also Brother Bo Sanchez for teaching and making me realize all this.