2025 in retrospect.

It’s been quite some time since I last wrote a real retrospective entry. I hardly even post here. I actually missed blogging. So, now that I'm here, let’s just do this, shall we?

My word for the year 2025 was Authenticity. When I selected that word, it came with this: “May there be room for you to be present to life in a way that allows you to breathe more freely…beyond the confines of who you thought you had to be.”

I honestly didn’t know at that time what the passage meant. The word authenticity just really resonated when I saw it among the other words.

Now, looking back at this year, I think I get it.

At work, I started the year on a high note, receiving a top trainer award for our cluster, then my manager encouraged me to step up by taking a certification course and a mentorship seminar, both of which got pushed back indefinitely.

When it came to the whole work situation, I was encouraged to step up because at that time, I already put in 2 years in the company. For most people, they expect more from you by then. I can be the most blunt person when it comes to work. When people would always ask if I plan to get promoted, I would say a very direct no. A lot of folks always wonder why I never wanted a higher position, but I would always say that promotion and a higher pay is not my definition of success.

That is where I’ve always been authentic. I know for sure that if there is a task or job that is not aligned with my strengths, I wouldn’t enjoy doing or even learning it, even to the point of not wanting to come to work. I know there were some coworkers who get bored teaching the same things week after week, but I feel differently. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I just enjoy the mere monotony or enjoy the same routine over and over. What I really do enjoy about it is that the more I do it, the more I get to know myself and my style and how to evolve it. I get to be creative with my facilitation style (within reason).

Authenticity at work is not about settling, but all about being happy at what I do, and still have the luxury of time to enjoy life outside work.

In dance, I was feeling pretty optimistic at the beginning of the year that I could do better in competitions, as our highest ranking the year before was a nice, clean second place. My coach and some of my teammates noticed the progress, and know I can do better. The downside of it all was that my dance partner was missing in action for almost the entire year. He did turn up a couple of times, only to explain vaguely that he had to settle a few personal issues, but other than that, he was a no-show. I then became content with just taking classes, and even taking in a few one-on-one sessions with our coach.

As the months flew by without even practice sessions with my dance partner, I knew I wouldn’t be joining any competitions for the year 2025. There were a few offers to pair up with some of the other gents in our team, and I knew I could have better chances in competition by dancing with them, but I knew that I could fare better if we had practiced earlier in the year, so I just had to decline.

Authenticity with my passions is not about quitting, it’s about knowing my abilities, but also knowing not just limits, but timeframes.

Sometime in May this year, I cracked open a fortune cookie, and the fortune inside mentioned something about welcoming a new relationship. I laughed this off, as I have been single for over a decade, and I was actually feeling content with my single life lately.

Then when the first half of the year was about to end, someone from the past sent me a message, and after a few exchanges, we started reconnecting again. I have to admit, I still have trust issues, especially with the history between us, but I guess this is what second chances are all about, right?

So this second half of the year was spent just getting to know each other again, because it’s been 20 years since we actually last saw each other in person. It was back to square one, still taking it slow. Some of the few select people who are in the know also ask why things are going this slow and low-key, but I don’t mind this setup one bit. I like this kind of pace for our own separate reasons, my own being the fact that I still enjoy my quiet moments alone, still being independent.

Authenticity in terms of relationships is not about having a specific deadline, not conforming to what others feel a relationship should be, but keeping things at your own pace, no matter how long you stay in the status quo.

2025 had its ups and downs. It may not have been as productive compared to the years prior, but I still saw progress in me, no matter how slow or how small the changes have been. What matters to me most was that I enjoyed the journey, even up to the little things and moments that happened.

I have yet to decide on my word for the year 2026. I have narrowed it down to three different words that have all resonated, but I’ll sleep on it, and finally decide before the new year hits.

Just adding another goofy image taken by my brother during our Baguio trip to show my crazy yet authentic self.

Two Twinbills

It's been so long since I've been involved in theater, that I always feel like it's lifetimes ago. I stepped away, and as life happened, I got busy with other things, especially dancing.

As I found out some time ago that a couple of friends in our team have been enjoying the theater, we immersed ourselves this weekend in a couple of twinbills.

After Saturday dance class, Thea, Jay-ar, and I went to watch Theatre Titas’ Dedma, featuring Let’s Do Lunch and The Foxtrot.

Let’s Do Lunch’s sharp dialogue between two friends from the upper class was very engaging. We may have tendencies to stereotype these folks while they are faced with their own struggles, yet they keep up with their pride to save face, and hide pity. Issa was quite the natural, that no matter how she had to move to the heart of Taguig (“and we’re not talking about BGC”) and had to be a little persistent with her new endeavor, she still kept up that strong demeanor. Naths as Val, on the other hand, was interesting to watch, as she was the type who still lived comfortably, yet still chooses to ignore all the red flags. The maid, Bebang, even holds her own with her wit and quirky tricks with the props right on until the very end. Sometimes whenever she just appears onstage, you were just watching her, waiting for her to do another trick.

My friends and I were pretty intrigued by The Foxtrot. As dancesport athletes, the foxtrot is part of our repertoire, so we were mighty curious. While we weren't surprised with the DI-guest relationship, we felt as if there was something different in Diego, played by JC. He felt like a caricature, a cocky DI who was a little too immature to handle the situation of being in the middle. While there may be cocky DIs in this industry, the behavior onstage felt a little too young and inexperienced in terms of the getting personal. On the other hand, I loved how real Anna could be in the dance world. Ganun din naman kasi minsan ang some guests, ahehe.

While we enjoyed this play in particular due to Jackie Lou Blanco's portrayal of Anna, we saw a lot of inconsistencies and misconceptions of the ballroom/dancesport industry. I'm not saying it's inaccurate, but I just wish that a little more research on dancesport and how DIs are could have been done. Anna, the guest, is supposedly dancing the foxtrot, which is a standard ballroom dance, yet she was wearing Latin ballroom shoes. While I understand that Anna could wear that black dress to practice, it’s quite rare to see a man wear his complete tailsuit to practice as well.

Despite that, I loved the American Smooth choreography they had of the foxtrot all throughout that play, with a little of some other dances. It was smooth, and it showed great partnering skills between the two dancers. In ballroom and dancesport, people always think that the man leads and the lady just follows whatever. In truth, the man leads, yes, but the lady also does her part, her share in the dance, and both complement each other, which was clearly shown in the play, regardless if they were dancing the foxtrot or another dance.

I'm now wondering if people actually think that the waltz is boring or cannot be improvised (as Diego had stated in the play), because it's one dance I enjoy, and yes, it can be improvised, depending on the lead of the man.

“This is my happy place,” Anna had said. She said that dancing had that effect of letting her forget her problems at home. When she said that line, it really struck a chord with me. When I started dancing, I began to realize how it helped me in so many ways. Over a decade ago, it helped me get over a complicated relationship. It also prodded me to find peace of mind after trying to get over certain bouts of depression some years ago. Given the right place, time, and people, it also became my happy place.

On Sunday morning, the three of us went to watch another set of plays, this time at their alma mater. Dulaang UP was running Mga Anak ng Unos, a twinbill about climate change. It’s probably been almost 10 years since I last visited UP, so I was excited to visit again.

The first play, Sa Gitna ng Digmaan ng mga Mahiwagang Nilalang Laban sa Sankatauhan was a folk mythical play about creatures against humans about the destruction of nature. While I first thought that the dialogue took a more formal route due to certain words drawn from dialects and languages, I liked how they made it into a good mix with colloquial language, and even trending catchphrases, especially from the three folks that played nuno sa punso. But despite those light moments, it still didn’t distract us from the serious topic of how humans play a big role in protecting or destroying the environment.

The second play hit a little differently, while aptly titled Climate in Crazies. It felt like a series of vignettes, tackling certain environmental issues and crises here and there, and it was more fast-paced, triggering a lot of different emotions. While there were a lot of humorous moments, it climaxed to how it can reach the extreme in every part of the world, not excluding how typhoons would affect us to the point of severe flooding. My chuckles from the earlier witty scenes were silenced because of the reality check.

I was in awe of the actors, as most of them, including the directors, were people I looked up to back when I started taking theater workshops under Tanghalang Pilipino. These were the people I thought were the OG (at least when I was still a newbie there). Miss Tess was my first basic acting teacher in TP, while Sir Herbie was the artistic director back then. Bong was an Actors Company member, and I remember watching Delphine when she was still a student (and even once became one of my ushers for another company’s show). Walang tapon talaga sa lahat ng mga ginawa nila all throughout the play.

It was so refreshing to see them again, that I somehow missed those happy days just hanging out in every nook and cranny of CCP. Yes, I missed it, but I don’t know if I’ll ever go back there. I’m just glad that I visited the world that I once came from.

This entire weekend had me in my happy places, both old and new. Dancing in the studio with my coach and teammates. Watching live theater, and living it.

Sometimes, when life brings so many challenges, it’s better to step back for a while, and go back to where you came from. There and again, you will find passion.

"Get back in touch with the brazenly optimistic part of yourself that got lost somewhere along the way." - Mandy Hale, "The Single Woman"