Chalk it up to experience. And fanning the flames.

The photo above was taken in the lobby of the CCP Little Theater last Friday afternoon. For some reason, that blank wall (which is usually used for artwork and other exhibits) somehow reflects what I'm feeling right then. Not entirely blank, but basically a blank slate.

Well, this had been an interesting couple of weeks for me. Just when I decided to focus on just one line of work (instead of juggling two), I immediately found myself restless. The impulsive sanguine in me led me to a path I had once left behind, due to the simple longing of always having some sort of art in my life.

I had already mentioned this in one of my most recent blog entries, but yes, I returned to the TP workshops.

For the past couple of weeks, I've been spending my evenings in the CCP Conference Room once again for the Rehearsal and Performance Techniques workshop class. This year is the fourth time I'm taking the class, and the third time under Sir Dennis. This is one class I would always keep coming back to, no matter how many times I had said before how challenging it always was for me. I always believe that the learning never stops. Anywhere.

Every time I take Sir Dennis' class (including the Actors Company's script analysis class where they let non-AC scholars join), I always feel excited and anxious at the same time. Excited because I'm sure that I will learn a whole lot, yet anxious because there will always be a bunch of things that I wouldn't understand, or couldn't execute or perform as well as my fellow actors could. But like I always keep saying, every time is always a different class, and I'll say this once more, the learning never ends. There will always come a time, sooner or later, I will finally get what Sir Dennis was trying to get us to understand, and I know how he enjoys our eureka moments during those times of enlightenment or realization.

As I had put in this entry's title, maybe we could chalk it up to experience. There were some things discussed in the class that I couldn't understand before that I could finally get now. Certain inhibitions in performing that I once had are now gone. I learned how to explore things even further, to look for more possible options before narrowing things down instead of just staying in your comfort zone. And it's due to experiences I already had in the past that I'm grateful for, without any regrets. Maybe I just wasn't ready back then. I've grown because I've opened up my mind a little more. I'm even grateful for the fact that I had left theater for a while to explore a completely different world, to return also bringing along most, if not all, the things I had learned from taking that path.

Then there was the talk during today's session at The Feast. As the talk series is about the X-factor, which is basically your core gift, today talked about honing that particular gift. To fan the flames of your passion, as they had said.

There was a question that said, "What is one thing that makes you on fire?"

I thought I had lost it. And now I'm beginning to re-discover it.

I thought I could never improve in performing, especially because there are so many actors who are much more talented than I am. I thought that my thought process was way slower than theirs because they can easily grasp what was told while I would just be a sitting duck with a blank face.

So yeah, maybe I wasn't ready for it then. Let's go back to talking about experience. Like Mads had once told Mommy Val (during a very different situation), maybe because some people are on the 100th page, while the rest are still on the 10th page.

And now I just caught up with the ones who had read faster than I did. And I'm so happy with what's been happening. I get surprisingly flattered with the comments I get during our performances in class, and listen intently on the other notes that I get. Every day provides a new challenge, and as Mommy Val keeps quoting, "You're only as good as your last performance." Set the bar higher. There's always room for improvement.

Rosa said on Facebook that I "look like a fish that found her way back to the ocean." She's right about that. I really now do believe that theater really is essential to my happiness.

I came up to my mentor because I didn't have direction then. Now I'm back to where I had left off, and now I'm putting a little more direction instead of just going with the flow.

Keep the fire burning.

*Class photos courtesy of my TP workshop classmates.

Limbo

It's been about a year since I first attended The Feast at PICC, and in more ways than one, especially the most recent ones, the talks have always been spot on.

This was part of what was written on the front page of yesterday's Feast Bulletin:

When a person doesn't know his core gift, it's like he's living in limbo. Note that limbo is not a bad place. But it should just be a stopover. Not knowing your core gift means it's a place of waiting, wondering, searching, and seeking.

But sooner or later, you stumble upon your place in the world, your spot under the sun, your platform in the universe. You discover what special gift you're supposed to give to the world.

At that point, you step out of limbo. And you step into a little bit of heaven on earth. By that, I don't mean that your problems will disappear. (That's why it's just a "little but of heaven on earth".) Actually, the opposite happens--your problems multiply. Because now, you have to develop and deliver your gift to the world.


But knowing your core gift is an amazing experience.

At my age, I'm still discovering my core gift. A couple of years ago, I was even more uncertain about it because I had no direction. With the help of mentors, I somehow knew what to do, but it was all up to me to take action. I knew that my core gift wasn't the performing art of dance, that's for sure, and found that I had a lot of strength in the the English language.

Even as a kid, I was very good in written communication. It was oral communication that was a challenge. Even with my theater training, I still had a lot of inhibitions when it comes to interacting with certain people. Even though I may be a little used to talking to people, there's still that hint of shyness and intimidation.

Then a couple of weeks ago, I had to decide.

I chose a different path from the one was already taking.

And with that different path, there were some things I had left behind. So in a flash, I once again took the opportunity.

One thing about it was because I haven't done this in quite a long time, it takes a little bit of getting used to again. Just as Sir Dennis had said, it's like riding a bicycle. Because I haven't done practiced this consistently, it takes a while to get used to doing it again. But I'm glad I went back on that metaphorical bicycle. I first thought I'd try it to see if I still have it in me. And I guess I still do.

I may be still in limbo, but I still know I can get out of it sometime soon.

Reviving this blog.

Yes, I'm still alive.

Just when I decided to revive this blog, I saw a couple of friends do the same to theirs. *high five*

So anyway, after almost a year of inactivity, it's high time to go back into this. Why, you may ask, did I stop blogging? Mostly it was because of the lack of time. Once I focused on full-time work with the dance fitness company I was part of, I hardly had time to myself, and during the one rest day I have, I catch up on my sleep.

How anti-climatic that after almost exactly 2 years with the company, I decided to resign for personal reasons. Not to be selfish or anything, but it's really time I have to make time for my own self. But don't get me wrong, nothing bad has happened. It was a huge dilemma on my part as I've invested so much on the company, but I believe that I need to do what I believe is best for me. I've learned a lot in terms of knowing my core gifts, as well as knowing more about myself and my attitude, and I'll still bring this with me wherever I go and end up in.

So I'm back to the good old call center job in the mornings, and because I still need art in my life, I re-enrolled in one of Tanghalang Pilipino's summer workshops this summer, Rehearsal and Performance Techniques. I need to see if I still have it in me.

I'm back.

As Sir Dennis had said last night, it's like riding a bicycle again after a very long time. So yes, you still know how to ride it, but it still takes a while in the beginning to get used to it again.

So back to riding the metaphorical bicycle.

A late reflection.

This is my current Facebook status (posted last night):

"God really does close doors to prepare you for brighter triumphs. He made me realize it this afternoon til evening, when I visited a former life I led before. And I saw what I could've become if I kept pursuing that road. He knew I wouldn't survive. Hence, He opened a door that lined up the people and the possibilities for better victories in life, thanks to my Lebran family. Now it's up to me and my 5% to complete the 95% He had already done."

That realization inspired me to write this entry.

For those of you reading this that didn't know, I got to attend Bo Sanchez's 2-day retreat during the Holy Week. Capping the event was a Grand Easter Feast that had 18,000 attendees. It made quite a mark on me, that even until now, I'm still absorbing all the talks and the sharing that we heard in the duration of the retreat, right on until the Easter celebration.

Last Saturday, the Shapers that got to attend the retreat (including me) were asked to share our experiences after that to our entire Lebran family. I have to say that it was pretty emotional for me because what I had to share consisted of experiences within the team about choosing between the right choice and the popular choice.

Anyway, so where was I? So first of all, during one of the talks in the retreat, Bo Sanchez himself talked about the "missing piece" in all of us, about God doing 95% of the work for us, so we only have to give the remaining 5%.

During the Grand Easter feat, he also discussed how God not only opens doors for us, and lines up the people who would help us fulfill our dreams and goals, but He also closes doors in order to save us, and one of the reasons for this was what I had mentioned in the Facebook status I had posted ("to prepare you for brighter triumphs").

I mentioned earlier that I'm still absorbing all the talks that had been discussed, even until today. I was pretty overwhelmed with all the things I've heard because it felt like God was talking to me through all the builders, the speakers, and the sharers, and He knew where to hit me at all the right spots. Kaboom. He keeps on challenging me because I keep thinking about it, and even tested me immediately right after (where I made the wrong choices). It's a never-ending lesson for me, especially now that I have to be a more responsible and mature person in front of the younger teammates I have in Lebran.

Now let's go back to my post on Facebook.

Yesterday, I visited my former world of theatre. I wanted to just drop by, say hi to a few old friends in the production, and maybe hang around with them until the show started. I was then invited to watch the evening show, so I had to stay and wait.

Then I saw the disbursement of allowances/talent fees. I remember that that was always something I looked forward to every week. The amount that I used to get every week was what I now earn per day. Per day.

Oh. My. Gosh.

Realizing that then, and recalling that realization just now made me think, wow, I can do so much more now with what God had provided for me these past couple of years. He opened that door once so we could close the door I went through before. And now He had already prepared everything I needed to fulfill what I'm reaching for. But sometimes (or most of the time?) I'm just too stubborn and full of low-esteem to realize that.

There you go, that's also my missing piece. That's the 5% I need to work on, after that huge 95% chunk He had already laid out for me.

I always remind myself to be grateful. I'm always grateful for everything that has happened since becoming a scholar, then a shaper in Lebran. And now, I also have to learn to fight if I want to keep what I know is for me.

Thank you, Lebran family and also Brother Bo Sanchez for teaching and making me realize all this.

How Lebran helped me shape my life.

Last year, I was just a girl with a pixie cut and thunder thighs, taking as much classes under Lebran DFX (both the dance fitness and technique classes in Latin and standard ballroom) that I can (and sometimes even cannot) afford, out of fascination and recreation.

I envied the scholars because they were so talented in their craft. I wanted to be like them so much that I wanted to be around them all the time, and ended up doing so when I momentarily trained with them for a syllabus ballroom competition.

Exactly a year ago today, I was called to stay after class, and to my surprise I was introduced as a new scholar under Lebran. I got the privilege to attend all the classes I wanted. I was exposed to how hard these young scholars train. They paired up with the paying students as partners in the technique classes, and even took turns leading the Lebran classes in preparation for them to teach their own classes. It impressed me that these kids would prefer to come to the studio instead of spending their time sitting idly at home during the summer vacation.

One big challenge for me as new scholar back then was that even though I was still kind of behind in terms of technique, I even got to learn the man's part of any dance the students had to learn whenever there was a shortage of male scholars for the class. I had to step up and dance the man's part to serve as a partner for the paying female students. It actually gave me a good advantage of learning the steps of the dances, because I got to learn the steps for both the man and woman's part.

Apart from Latin and standard ballroom, we also got to learn other dances as we prep up for shows. So far, I had also learned a few cultural folk dances, contemporary jazz, and even Polynesian and Tahitian dances.

I was also introduced to the business side of Lebran. I learned how the core group worked together to keep the business flowing smoothly and keep things running like clockwork.

One thing very unique about the Lebran family is that our training is very holistic. Saturdays after the usual morning Lebran class is focused on our own training apart from the students' classes. Other than dance training, one of our mentors gives us lectures on personality development. I'm so grateful for this rare privilege to have quality dance training while still keeping our attitudes in check as we learn to be not just good dancers, but great dancers and teachers as well. Believe it, we also had to take and pass certification exams before we were allowed to teach a Lebran class as a Shaper (which is what we call our teachers).

Amazing how passion and dedication can take you where you want. Last year, I was just an aspiring dancer and student who was being teased for my huge thighs. Today, I am now one of the pioneer members of Lebran and a certified Lebran Shaper.

I'm forever grateful for all the opportunities that had come ever since I was taken in by the Lebran team that I now consider a family. I feel so blessed to have mentors like Sir Brando and Mommy Val, along with our other teachers like Teacher Belinda and Kuya Mauw, who encourage us to keep doing our best, to never rest on our laurels, and to keep setting the bar higher. I feel like so much has changed and improved in my life in the span of one year, thanks to them and as well as my fellow core group members and scholars. All of them had taught me in their own way, how to be a better person than I was before.

Lebran isn't just about dancing and exercise. It's a way of life. It's a sign of hope. It's a source of inspiration. It's where passion fuels the goals that can change and improve your life in so many aspects. I thought the scholars were merely there for the training. Yes, but we are being trained, but not just to be dance instructors, but to be great dance teachers, coaches, to be masters of our core-giftedness, and to be inspirations to each and every person who wants to get in shape. Lebran's 3-faceted advocacy (Exercise, Enhance, and Empower) rings true, and I have been witness to that.

Get in shape. Shape a life. Dance Lebran. It will be one of the best choices you will ever make for yourself.

Attending Rep's NOISES OFF press preview.

I still cannot believe that it's been 3 months since I last wrote here. And how appropriate that I'm back to writing, and writing about theater, no less. And as an added bonus, it's about one of my favorite plays that I've read!

Ever since I watched Noises Off (the film version, not the theatrical version), I was craving to read it, and to watch it staged live. It truly is one very VERY relatable play if you're in the world of theater. I remember literally slapping my knee and rolling on the floor with laughter when it came to a crucial part in the film where, literally, there were no noises offstage, or backstage, for that matter, which is where the title of the play came from.

I was coming from an evening dance fitness class before the preview show, and I had so little time to freshen up, change clothes and look decent before I had to rush to Onstage theater in Greenbelt.

I was so excited to see the set upon entering the theater, but the curtains were drawn over most of the stage. I was excited because the set was one big factor in this play. You'll find out why soon enough.

The show starts out with Frances Makil-Ignacio going onstage to answer a phone call. The scene goes on, and after a while, to people's surprise, she drops character and talks to herself, muttering confused stage directions. Then suddenly a loud booming voice from offstage--from somewhere inside the auditorium--gives her the correct stage directions. It's the director of the play-within-a-play, played by Chinggoy Alonso. Yes, my dears, this is a play within a play.

Noises Off tackles the hilarious drama and mishaps of life in the theater during its hectic and crazy production runs. You'll realize how crazy tech week can be, the pressure and the crunch time just to pull off a good show for the audience before the curtain rises on opening night. And of course, you can't miss out on actors' personal dramas with other people, especially with their co-actors and other members of the company. Believe me, coming from a firsthand experience, you wouldn't want to miss out on those.

Each of the cast of characters have their own quirks and issues, and they're greatly expressed all throughout the show, at first somewhat discreetly, but as the play progresses and issues heat up, what you'll see is backstage chaos, but of course, "noises off!"

One thing that sets this play apart is that for the second act, its entire set turns around 180 degrees to show the backstage part of the play-within-a-play's set. Once the backstage is revealed, so is the craziness and chaos (sometimes organized, and sometimes just downright ridiculous) that comes with it. Wait for the third act, and the set turns back around again.

I seriously recommend that you guys watch this play. You won't regret it. If you're a theater person, you'll also relate to the quiet chaos that you'll see emerge during Act 2. It's delightfully funny and you'll tire out of laughter. Sometimes you'll even attempt to control your laughs as if you're also backstage with them.

Noises Off runs from March 28 until April 13, then from April 25 to 27, 2014 at the Onstage theater in Greenbelt 1, Makati.

Tickets are conveniently available through Ticketworld at 891-9999, or www.ticketworld.com.ph.

Repertory Philippines' NOISES OFF

First off, here's a press release and cast announcement of Rep's Noises Off. I got the opportunity to come to the press preview last March 27, Thursday. My experience at the preview to follow.

“NOISES OFF” TAKES OFF !  --- SET TO OPEN MARCH 28

            Repertory Philippines proudly presents the hilarious ‘Noises Off’, the third offering for its 77^th season.

            Written in 1982 by English playwright Michael Frayn, Noises Off—a stage term indicating sounds coming from offstage—is a play within a play, the story of a temperamental director and a troupe of hapless performers putting up a silly sex farce called Nothing On.

The present production of Noises Off, which is directed by Miguel V. Faustmann, runs from March 28 to April 13 and from April 25 to April 27, 2014 at Onstage, 2/F, Greenbelt 1, Paseo de Roxas corner Legazpi St., Makati City.

            The idea for Noises Off came to Frayn while he was watching one of his other plays, The Two of Us, from the wings. Noting that it was “funnier from behind than in front,” he was inspired to create a one-act play called Exits, which he later expanded into what would become Noises Off.  

Repertory Philippines has assembled a stellar cast for the current production, most of whom play actors playing roles in the fictitious play Nothing On.

Veteran performer CHINGGOY ALONSO plays Lloyd Dallas, the director of the play-within-a-play.

The role of forgetful actress Dotty Otley, who plays housekeeper Mrs. Clackett, is assayed by FRANCES MAKIL IGNACIO.

 Returning to Rep after many years away, PAUL HOLME takes on the role of alcoholic stage veteran Selsdon Mowbray, who in turn plays a burglar.

Another erstwhile Rep regular, SHIELA VALDERRAMA-MARTINEZ, plays cheerful actress Belinda Blair, who plays Flavia Brent.

Shiela’s real-life husband LORENZ MARTINEZ, another Rep stalwart, takes on the role of Garry Lejeune, who takes on the role of Roger Tramplemain.

CARLA GUEVARA-LAFORTEZA, yet another returning Repper, plays Brooke Ashton, who plays a sexpot named Vicki.

GERARD SISON assays the role of actor Frederick Fellowes, who plays Flavia’s husband Philip Brent, the owner of the house in which the play-within-a-play is set.

The backstage staff of the fictitious show is composed of PEACHY ATILANO’s Poppy Norton-Taylor (the show’s assistant stage manager) and NIKO DANS’s Tim Allgood (the company stage manager). Both Poppy and Tim understudy various roles in Nothing On.

            The unique humor of Noises Off comes from the intricacies of plot and character interwoven with the personalities of the actors and the show they’re trying to perform. Respected New York Times critic Frank Rich called it “the funniest play written in my lifetime,” and now is your chance to see why.

For details of the show, you may contact us in the following ways:

            By phone: 843-3570 or 555-0082 (UPDATED OFFICE NUMBERS)

           By e-mail: shows@repertoryphilippines.com

            By Internet: http://www.repertoryphilippines.com

NOTE: The Repertory Philippines office has changed locations from Ortigas to Makati. Our new address is Unit 13 and 14 Ecoville, Executive Townhouses, Metropolitan Avenue, Makati.

Tickets are available through Ticketworld at 891-9999, or via http://www.ticketworld.com.ph/

 Connect to Repertory Philippines online through the following social media networks:

           Facebook:     www.facebook.com/repertoryphilippines

Twitter:          www.twitter.com/repphils

Instagram:    www.instagram.com/repphils

YouTube:     www.youtube.com/repphils

Repertory Philippines would like to thank the following media partners and establishments for their support: Broadwayworld.com, ClickTheCity.com, Radio Republic, WhenInManila.com, BusinessWorld, Lane Moving and Storage,  Herword.com, Ticketworld.com, Solar News, Raintree Restaurants (Mr. Jones, Kabila, MOMO Café, and Museum Café), Greenbelt, Ayala Malls, and Lightshapers.

“NOISES OFF” was first presented, by special arrangement with Michael Cordon, at the Lyric Theatre, Hammersmith, on February 23^rd, 1982, and on March 31^st by Michael Cordron at the Savoy Theatre, London.

“NOISES OFF” is presented by special arrangement with United Agents LLP.

See you at the theater!