Ampalaya Monologues returns for its last leg on Valentine's weekend.

Satisfy Your Valentine's Hugot Needs with Ampalaya Monologues

We know how hard it is to be single on Valentine's Day so we're here to help you out. Ampalaya Monologues is closing its first volume with two last hugot events this Valentine's weekend. The hit show that tells different stories of love, heartaches and bitterness is back and will feature the best monologues from the first volume that are sure to make you laugh, cry and even leave you inspired.

Written by Mark Ghosn and performed by TAP! (Theater in Alternative Platforms), the event will also feature spoken word performances by Rod Marmol (Utot Catalog), Jake Habitan (White Wall Poetry), Roch Lazarte and Jihads Mambuay (Words Anonymous) and more, musical performances by Suicidal Genius, Happy Monday People and Coeli San Luis, with live arts by Tyang Karyel and an open mic session as well.

Ampalaya Monologues is happening on February 13 and 14, 4PM at Splice Resto Bar, Edsa Central, Greenfield District. Tickets are at 200PHP with free drink. For details and reservations, visit www.facebook.com/AmpalayaMonologues.

2015 retrospective.

It's a brand new year, and usually at this time, I'd be churning out an annual retrospective blog entry. I would flip through my old entries and take it from there. But the thing is, I never blogged during the first quarter of last year. I microblogged sometimes, but still, not as often as now.

So I'll play it by ear as I write this entry. Just a little warning, this will be long. I will also be quoting stuff from The Single Woman by Mandy Hale, a book I recently read which fit each quarter of the year.

"Be prepared to do things differently."

That was one of the best things I heard last year. I heard it during a discussion on creativity during last summer's workshop. And I took it with me the whole time.

2015 was a year of passion. I had a little more free time this year, so I wanted to do things I loved.

First quarter.

"The space between the question and the answer is a place of endless possibilities."

At the beginning of the year, I was working early with the core group of Lebran. We wanted to start off the year right, so we were productive in developing and revamping things for the new year. It was a great start, and we even got a whole bunch of new accounts. It was a busy but good first quarter of the year. But I knew that things were going to change after that, and no one can decide for it except myself.

I wanted to talk to someone, but every time I gather enough nerve to speak up, I start to hold back, thinking that it may not be a good idea. I was afraid that if I share it with someone, my opinion of things might sound different and skewed in other people's point of view. There was this one day of a mentorship program session that I was ready to open it up, but that session was pretty emotional, that I backed out again.

I remember crying during every March session of the Feast. Because of the fact that I was fully aware that things really will change, I didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't talk to anyone about it, so I kept coming back to the Feast to discern about it.

After a talk with my mentors and turning over all duties, I left. I spent a good 2 years with the group, and it was time to head someplace else. But I knew I still needed art in my life.

Second quarter.

"Don't give up on your dream just because it's not paying the bills yet, and don't walk away from your job that pays the bills just because you have a dream."

This quarter rekindled my love affair with the theater. At first, I was a little uncertain. But with a new attitude as soon as I walked into that first day of Rehearsal and Performance Techniques workshop class in Tanghalang Pilipino, I knew inhibitions will get me nowhere. With the help of my teachers, Sir Dennis and Aldo, and my fellow workshoppers, I grew more confident in my performances in class, right on until we were onstage for our recital. Instead of barreling through everything like I used to before, I was finally enjoying myself out there onstage, just being in the moment. I was in love again. I was in love again with the theater. I was back where I had left off.

It didn't end there. I went back to making time watching plays in the Virgin Labfest, and I even had a little comeback in the festival, as one of the actors for the staged readings on the Labfest's last day.

I was on a roll. A bunch of us from the workshop even got together again not only for some auditions and one little get-together, but also for the movie musical Ang Larawan, where Sir Dennis got us as actors and crowd directors.

I was known in the office for immediately leaving right away after my shift, but because of the change, I started to spend more time again with my office mates, something I missed. Every other Friday was a fun occasion, lunch with what I secretly call the "Friday group," when I got to bond with my office friends.

Then when Lesley and I got together for dinner with some friends one night, she told me she had read my blog about my workshop experience and invited me for the nth time to join Make Believe. After one full day of training, she put me on their roster of storytellers.

Third quarter.

"Seasons come, seasons go, seasons change, but the lessons remain... Embrace the season you're in, and when it's time to let go, embrace your chance to begin again."

There was a lesson I didn't learn before that God knew I needed to go through again. When that situation happened the first time, I was persistent, I was stubborn, and I thought I was right and had reason to act that crazy. But I wasn't.

I knew I was bound to learn that life lesson sooner or later. Only I had no idea that it would come sooner.

When it comes to matters of the heart, from the moment I become smitten, I tend to overthink. I'd go crazy just thinking. I would overthink so much that I wouldn't know what to do when things just happen. I didn't know how to prepare myself if things won't go as I had expected them to be. Which would be the reason why I did those crazy things in the past. Yes, I can really be a psycho sometimes.

So there I was, with the same feelings I had, in the same situation, but this time involving 2 different people. As much as I wanted things to happen as I expected again, that didn't happen. Duh. But this time I had to learn to deal with it graciously. It was great that I had one friend I could open up to, so I could have someone to talk it out with. But that was it. I still had to deal with this myself.

This time, I had to be more cerebral. I was grateful that these 2 friends of mine are very dear to me, and both very reasonable to talk to, and that helped a lot. I started to learn to detach so I wouldn't do anything psycho again. At one time, I even tried to avoid people, but being the social person and clingy friend that I am, I didn't follow through. But I was glad I learned to detach, and managed to control myself. It helped me when I had to face certain encounters. I knew then that my heart grew stronger, which will help me in future relationships.

I also went back to writing more this quarter. I missed how I used to blog practically everyday. Despite how a dear friend told me to stop tweeting every thought that comes to mind, I hated how I was being restricted. So I compromised. I channeled my energy into writing other things. I did interviews with actors; I exercised my writing by blogging a little more about theater again.

I did more storytelling at this time, but then I was missing certain movement.

So for a while, I took Standard ballroom classes again, this time under a different teacher. Now for some, they may question my loyalty to one group. But I have to disagree on that. Some may say it's a conflict of interest. Please don't take it the wrong way. I'm not trying to be disloyal to anyone. It's the hunger to learn more, to see which lessons and teachings are more suited for me than being bound by just one. Aren't we supposed to be encouraged to learn as much as we can? To spread our wings? It's like learning a new school of acting, learning different techniques. That's it. With all due respect, I appreciate the input, but like some people would always tell me, at the end of the day, it's still my decision. It's not that I'm flushing the lessons I've learned down the toilet or disregarding them. In fact, there's never been a day that I was never grateful, because I learned a lot from before. I still bring these life lessons everywhere I go. But eventually because of that, I detached. I stopped dancing and focused on my other projects, especially since the other events, like storytelling, were going pretty well for me.

"Focus on where you're going, but don't regret where you've been. There are no mistakes, only lessons."

Fourth quarter.

"...Even the dreams you buried the deepest are capable of being resurrected in the grandest ways. Sometimes life requires us to surrender our plans so we can realize our greater purpose, but know this: from the dirt of our buried dreams can rise the most beautiful, unexpected life-restoring flowers of our future. Never doubt or lose hope in the desires of your heart, even when they seem light-years away from coming true."

The last quarter of 2015 was filled with amazing things. I don't know how to describe it, but I just have to say that the flurry of things made it amazing.

First, I was supposed to act for a theater arts student's directing class. I accepted it without question, but then started doubting my decision because of the stress of traveling all the way to the other side of the metro during rush hour. I was about to back out when I was told that certain plans fell through, and they needed to let go of me, so I didn't have to worry about feeling sorry if I had to say that I was backing out of the project.

Almost immediately, my friend Mark messaged me about his ongoing event series called the Ampalaya Monologues, which I had watched a couple of months before. He wanted me to perform one of the monologues that he had written, so I was excited to do it. I was so grateful for Ampalaya Monologues in so many ways, because not only did it give me another avenue to perform (once in October and another in December), but it also helped me conquer my weird case of stage fright. Yes, I still have stage fright, but not while I'm performing in a play. Mine is a different case where I don't like standing in front of an audience (a very receptive one, no less) and having to face them the whole time as I perform. But once I stood there with the microphone, I wore my heart on my sleeve and began to enjoy myself. It felt very liberating for me.

One of the most amazing highlights of the year happened this quarter. And it began just when I started attending the Feast regularly again. After quite some time of sporadic attendance and regrets declining service due to schedules, I said yes. One text from Tony, our head of the actors arm of the Feast Bay Area's events ministry started it, when he was looking for actors to perform for one of the talks. My reply changed it all for me, because I finally said yes to serving at the Feast.

Serving at the Feast as an actor is quite interesting and refreshing. In the span of one day, we would have at least 2 or 3 performances of a skit that goes with the message of the talk. And by the second time, our performances would instantly grow as we got comfortable with the material, especially since we almost never rehearse before the first performance.

After my first time to serve, I immediately gave another yes. This time, to the Kerygma Conference. Not only did I attend the event, but I also served as one of the actors in the production number on the morning of the first day to open the event. During the entire KCON event, starting from the day we had our technical rehearsals until the Grand Feast, I met so many new friends, learned so much from the breakout classes, and I firmly do believe I was blessed so much more than I had expected.

Sometime after the KCON came the realization that I really felt that I had come home. I came back to my first love, the theater. I went back to the Feast. And I had been using that one core gift as service to others. The core gift of the performing arts, something that had taken a backseat for quite a while, and came back fueling me with more fervor than I had ever imagined. Even though I had extinguished its flames once before, it now burns more intensely ever since I had lit it up again.

"...Resurrect those dreams that you buried long ago. Get back in touch with the brazenly optimistic part of yourself that got lost somewhere along the way. Begin to cry out to God about all those dreams you hold nearest and dearest to your heart; then sit back and watch as He finds a way to bring them back to life. A greater plan is at work. On the other side of every Good Friday surrender waits an Easter Sunday celebration."

Mandy Hale also said, "The journey of a single woman is not an easy one, but we welcome the unknown. We embrace our freedom as the gift that it is. We pay our own way, we march to the beat of our own drum, and we ask permission from no one to do so."

I am a single woman. Not just in terms of relationships, but also in being an individual who independently finds her own way. As I stumbled and fell due to certain obstacles, God provided more opportunities for me to come back up again with more spirit. But I didn't do this alone. I wouldn't have made it through the past year without certain people.

My Lebran family, especially Mommy Val and Sir Brando. They shaped me not just in terms of physical wellness, but also in character and spirit. They all helped me become stronger as a person.

My RPT 2015 family, with Sir Dennis and Aldo. They helped me gain back my confidence in performing, even more than I had thought. They saw how I first tentatively dipped my feet in the water until I finally managed to let go and just dive right in.

Lesley and Make Believe Productions. After so many invites that they gave me to join them, they immediately took advantage of the chance when I said I had more free time. I learned how to make magic with children through stories because of them, and finally learned how to host.

Ampalaya Monologues, TAP and Black Table, especially Mark. Through monologues, they had helped me get over my crazy stage fright, even though I was trying not to show it by laughing it off.

My family of servant actors in the Feast Bay Area, especially Tony, Des, Joyce, Em, and Meg. My faith grows stronger as our friendship does. To sum up my blessings of victory because of you guys, I only have to say one thing: You are amazing! 

I have to say this again. 2015 was a very good year, full of passion and a lot of other amazing things. I may have lost a bit, but I have gained and learned so much more than I expected. I may have quoted this once before, but it's appropriate for this entry to quote it again.

"I shovel out, and God shovels in, but He has a bigger shovel than I do."

To be thankful for the past, for the life lessons learned, to moving forward and embracing a brand new year for new beginnings and other amazing things in store for us, here's to 2016!

Birthday reflection.

I had spent my last 3 birthdays with friends, and this year, I wanted it to be different. So this year, where did I go? I checked in at a hotel to give time for myself and reflect. It kind of helped that it was raining like crazy during the night of my birthday salubong, so I just stayed in.

This year had been so different compared to the last two years. Before this year, I was so busy with our dance fitness company. This year, when I chose to prioritize my work at a BPO company and juggled a bit of freelancing in theater and events on the side, I found more time to breathe. Not that I didn't like being busy before. I enjoyed all the work, I loved being productive, and I had learned so many things, especially about myself.

This past Sunday at the Feast, Brother Bo gave a talk called "Stop, Look, and Listen." He told us that at a certain point, we have to stop, as it's a rhythm of work and trust. You have to stop to calm your mind, and to "sharpen your ax," and God will take over.

I never got to stop much before this year. I was always working. I woke up during the wee hours of morning and spent 4 hours at a call center. Then I dash to the studio and spend the rest of the day with our dance fitness company and come home in the evening after the last class. I slept for only 2 hours a day. I guess that's why I was sometimes a space case when it came to certain things at work. I never stopped.

We also have to listen. We have to create space and time so God can speak to you. It was so spot on to hear that last Sunday. So it was pretty appropriate to choose my birthday salubong for this time. It felt nice just being there alone in the hotel room, just with a book and my journal, being in the company of my thoughts. I felt so relaxed.

The best part of it was that the first people I was talking/chatting with on my birthday were my two best friends, Rosa and Iam. And then for my birthday, Iam gave me a few questions to reflect on. (Will blog about that another time.) Could it be that God spoke to me through Iam when she asked me those questions?

It's nearing the end of the year. Only months had passed, but it feels like such a long time because so many changes had happened. I took another leap. And after that leap, so many paths opened up and I bravely traveled down those paths. I picked up so many things along the way, I learned so much more than I had expected to learn, and I met so many new and interesting people that I now consider my dearest friends. They are friends who had seen me grow in this short span of time. They are friends who had helped and encouraged me to explore and deliver my core gift. True, there were certain challenges and hurdles that crossed my paths, but I learned to accept and deal with them, because we can never grow without facing them, especially those that may return for a repeat performance. I learned to welcome those recurring challenges with a more open mind, and I faced them again to learn from the mistakes that I had made during my first encounter with them. And I'm glad I did.

Finally stepping out of my personal limbo.

This past Tuesday evening, I decided to flip through my blog's old entries. I guess I just wanted to see what I could work with for my annual year-in-review blog post at the end of the year.

Because I was so busy with work last year, I never found the time to blog until this summer. I noticed that my earliest blog posts this year only began in April, when another crux had happened in my life. In the second entry of the month, I had quoted Bro. Bo Sanchez's message in the Feast bulletin.

"When a person doesn't know his core gift, it's like he's living in limbo. Note that limbo is not a bad place. But it should just be a stopover. Not knowing your core gift means it's a place of waiting, wondering, searching, and seeking.

But sooner or later, you stumble upon your place in the world, your spot under the sun, your platform in the universe. You discover what special gift you're supposed to give to the world.

At that point, you step out of limbo. And you step into a little bit of heaven on earth. By that, I don't mean that your problems will disappear. (That's why it's just a "little bit of heaven on earth".) Actually, the opposite happens--your problems multiply. Because now, you develop and deliver your gift to the world.

But knowing your core gift is an amazing experience."

This April was the time I was in limbo. I had left a full-time job, and I somehow felt like I was going back to square one. I had already stopped dancing, and decided to see if I can still act, even just for a workshop.

Getting back on the metaphorical bicycle, I was quite anxious at first, because I had learned to act a different way for a time, so I had to get back to that bigger box where I had to let myself loose again, to channel the sanguine in me again. My phlegmatic self that had been in control for a while had to take a backseat. I had to re-learn certain things again. But this time, I was ready, unlike my old self that had so many inhibitions.

Little by little, I was getting out of my own limbo, and I had just realized that lately. I started finding my own light. I was finally discovering (or maybe just rediscovering) my core gift.

As I started taking that risk, that leap again, the avenues of opportunities started to open up to me. Tanghalang Pilipino's workshop, a staged reading for the Virgin Labfest, storytelling and hosting for Make Believe Productions, Ampalaya Monologues with TAP, and even simply serving as an actor during talks at the Feast. Realizing all these blessings amazed me. It was so overwhelming. To all those who had helped me pave the way to all these avenues, thank you so much. As I had mentioned to my friend Lara, you tend to lose some things, and well, maybe even some people, yet you gain so much more than what you had lost.

Then I suddenly remembered what Bro. Migs had quoted during last Sunday's SYNC session at the Feast.

"I shovel out, and God shovels in, but He has a bigger shovel than I do."

He was right.

I personally experienced it myself.

Amazing.

A retrospective on enlightenment and empowerment after the Kerygma Conference.

Over a week had already passed since the Kerygma Conference 2015, and I'm still on a KCON high. The entire experience, although shorter than expected, was really enlightening and very empowering, as this entry's title suggests. And I do believe that I was there at the right time for a reason.

My mind is filled with so many thoughts about this right now, so I'll try my best to make sense of it for this blog and for you.

Before I first attended a session of Bo Sanchez's The Feast, I honestly have to admit that I wasn't really a good Catholic. While my parents thought I was going to church on Sunday afternoons, I was actually going to coffee shops, just spending my time there, reading or writing.

Then last year, my mentor, whom I call Mommy Val, invited us to attend Brother Bo's Holy Week retreat, and a bunch of us willingly went with her and her family. Two days of meaningful talks, plus a Grand Easter Feast left us with so many powerful messages, some of which struck a personal chord in each of us. That experience inspired me to keep going to church regularly at the Feast. I usually went with some of my fellow dance scholars and sometimes even with our mentor and her family.

At the end of this year's first quarter, I had resigned from our group (I worked as a communications specialist for our dance fitness company), and then I became busy with freelance work, even on Sundays. At first, I could still manage to attend the Feast regularly, but then there were some days that I couldn't due to an event that day. I have to admit, I got kind of lazy to wake up early to attend a morning session before heading to my events.

Then came the call for servants at the Feast. Noticing that there was an actors arm in the performing arts ministry under the events and programs cluster, it appealed to me so much that I signed up for it almost immediately. I first got to meet only a small bunch of servant actors during one general assembly. It was a pretty candid affair, as we were just sitting around on the floor on the 3rd floor of the PICC.

There wasn't that much need for actors for the talks during those times, and when there was, I wasn't available. Whenever I managed to attend a Sunday Feast then, I started going alone, as I had somewhat detached from a few people.

The first time I ever got to serve was at the beginning of last month (November 1st). It was only the second time I got to see a couple of people I had first met in the general assembly, including our head, Tony. The rest were all new faces to me. We had to perform this particular skit for 3 Feast sessions, and as the day progressed, I started warming up to them.

Then Brother George asked which of us were going to attend the Kerygma Conference, and he explained that they needed a big group of actors for the event's opening production number, but they needed people who were actually attending the conference as a priority. Now, I had been very curious about the Kerygma Conference since last year, but I never got to attend then due to my very busy schedule. I knew that this year, I would finally get my chance to do so.

I was so persistent. I quickly filed my leaves on the days when the conference would conflict with my work schedule, then used part of my meager savings to pay for my ticket. As I was registering online, I got so excited for the breakout classes that I had signed up for.

We were called in for a technical rehearsal on Monday evening on the week of the Kerygma Conference. It was also the same week of the APEC event, but despite all the horrendous traffic jams everywhere, a big bunch of us still managed to make it to the SMX Convention Center for rehearsal. I got to meet more servant actors, plus other people involved in the event, and not only from Feast Bay Area, but also from other Feasts all over the metro.

Let's backtrack a bit. The theme of this year's Kerygma Conference was "Coming Home," somewhat in relation to the parable of the Prodigal Son. So the concept of the opening number was different ways/versions of coming home. Some of us played "travelers," while the rest for respective "greeters" to each type of traveler. I got cast as one of the travelers, as a new Feast attendee, and my two greeters were Meg and Joyce.

Photo courtesy of Meg Bueno.

We rehearsed a few times, beginning with Brother Paolo's spoken word piece about coming home, to all the travelers' entrances to the stage from different spots behind the audience, to the opening worship. While I knew it was just a rehearsal, the energy during those opening worship songs was electrifying. It wasn't just a rehearsal anymore. We were singing and praising for real. Even after our high spirits and energy, for some reason I didn't feel all that tired when we ended rehearsal a little past midnight. And to think that I had to walk all the way from SMX to the Edsa Pasay rotunda with a few others due to the traffic jam.

The Kerygma Conference was supposed to be from November 19-22 (Thursday to Sunday), but because of certain inconveniences due to the APEC event, everything had to be pushed back. All the breakout classes had to be crammed during the entire weekend, concluding with the Grand Feast on Sunday afternoon (there was a separate Grand Feast on Sunday morning for non-attendees of the conference). I didn't really mind one it, as long as the conference would still push through.

As much as I would like to elaborate more about the conference itself, I now would just like to focus on a certain realization. It happened when I found a bit of quiet time last Thursday afternoon and started reading Brother Bo's book, Life Manual 101: How to Make Your Dreams Come True. All Kerygma Conference attendees were lucky (well, blessed, really) enough to get free copies of that book. (Thank you so much, Brother Bo!)

So anyway, another backtrack, when I first attended the Feast last year, I was given a Novena to God's Love, the usual token given to first-time Feast attendees. We were supposed to write our dreams in it. OK, I honestly have to admit that I never wrote any of my dreams in that novena. I was hesitant to even pencil anything in. Back then, I was still a marketing and communications specialist, and even though things were going so well in terms of my growth in that business, I was still kind of uncertain whether my path really belonged there or not.

So at the opening number, there I was onstage, playing a first-time attendee. As my greeters made their entrance, Meg handed me a brand new novena as a prop. I had put it in my back pocket and forgot that it was there until the end of the day. I may be rationalizing at this point, but maybe this may also be some kind of realization. Now that I had left that former line of work and had returned to theater, to performing freelance, was the new novena a sign that I could finally write down the dreams that I am now sure about? The dreams that had developed this year that I am truly meant to do for God's glory? Was I cast to play this part for a reason, to receive that novena at that moment, for that simple realization?

I'm not exaggerating when I say that this realization was so overwhelming that my eyes filled up with tears when all these thoughts came to mind.

This year, during this quarter, I had come home in more ways than one. From attending Feast sessions sporadically to regularly again, from being just a mere attendee to using my core gift of the performing arts to be a servant, and being part of a glorious event such as the Kerygma Conference, and more importantly, from being detached to finding another home in new friends I now consider part of my big family in the Feast. Yes, this quarter is full of enlightenment and empowerment for me, and that is one big blessing I am very grateful for. And to think that the year isn't even over yet.

Photos courtesy of The Feast Bay Area's Facebook page.

Here's to December, a new month after a very fulfilling November. It may be the last month of the year, but it's never too late for things to happen. More importantly, it's never too late for more blessings to come.

On the Ampalaya Monologues experience.

It's been exactly a week since the last Ampalaya Monologues affair, and it's high time to write about it.

Sometime after this summer's workshop, I remember Mark mentioning the Ampalaya Monologues about once or twice. I also recall he once invited me to be a part of it, but I think I had to reluctantly decline due to a prior commitment, so I might be busy for rehearsals. But I did promise to come watch the show.

For some of you guys who aren't familiar with it, Ampalaya Monologues is a collection of short monologues about love, heartaches, and bitterness inspired by popular memes and real life stories. I loved one of their taglines that say, "Para sa mga umasa, pinaasa, iniwan, iniwasan, nilayuan, nasaktan, nabigo, nasawi, lumuha, niloko, pinagpalit, nag-walling, na-seenzoned, umibig pero hindi inibig."

The first volume of Ampalaya Monologues debuted on August 30th, a Sunday, at Bugsy's in Westgate, Alabang.

When my friends and I had arrived at the venue at 4pm on that day, the place was already packed. Even though the monologues didn't start until 6pm, there was already a lot of activity. There was ongoing live art outside the venue, and music by a live band spilled out from inside.

It had just started raining when it was nearing 6pm, but that didn't faze the crowd. The venue was jam-packed to accommodate everyone, even those who had seats outside, and I was glad that our group had already nabbed a big table in the back earlier on, so we had a good view of everything.

There were a total of 7 monologues, all written by Mark, performed by his fellow members of TAP (Theater in Alternative Platforms), plus 3 guest performers (JV, Aldo, and Blanche). Each monologue alternated with spoken word artists, with their own piece related to the event's theme. I totally enjoyed every performance, because heck, everyone somehow managed to relate to any, if not all of them. Applause, laughter, wild shouts of reaction were scattered all throughout as people reacted to every line they can relate to. Hugot after hugot came and went, and some even chugged their drinks when a particular line hit the right spot. Even I had my own share of loud cheers and shouts, and even tweeted some of my favorite lines. What made the night even better was that because it was raining hard, sometimes the lightning and thunder went off at the most appropriate times during people's performances.

Even though I sort of regretted not being a part of that event, I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Then one afternoon, Mark mentioned that Ampalaya Monologues will be doing a repeat performance. And to my delight, he even hinted one time that he might include me for one of his additional monologues. I didn't think he was serious at first. But to my surprise, two weeks after that, he sent me a copy of the new monologue, asking my availability to rehearse.

So after enjoying the first round of Ampalaya Monologues, I was now a part of it. After reading through the piece a few times, and one evening rehearsal with Mark, it took me a little while until I warmed up to the piece, memorizing it and finding pieces of myself in it. It was an interesting process. The monologue was called "Hanggang Throwback Na Lang," and it was about a girl recounting her 2005 with a guy she had liked. Even though I never had the actual firsthand experience of the story in the monologue, I had my own fair share of a similar heartache during that exact same year. So by using that, the dig from the hugot lines totally appealed to me.

After another round of rehearsals with Mark along with Blanche and Aldo, I was glad to hear from Mark that I finally got it, but my real challenge was to stop holding back. I knew he could see that. To be honest, I had no problem acting onstage because it was easy to use the fourth wall. But a performance of a monologue, something that is to be executed on my own, was different for me. It was different in terms of I had to face the audience and actually communicated with them. This was my own case of stage fright even back when I was still a communications specialist and having to speak to different groups of people.

The second run of Ampalaya Monologues was held last week, October 25th, at Splice Resto Bar in Greenfield District, Mandaluyong.

Like the first show of Ampalaya Monologues, the venue was filled to the brim. There were so many people, even more than the first show, that even as early as 5pm, I was having a hard time to get to my seat inside the venue because of how many people there were. A good problem, in my opinion.

About half an hour before the monologues had to begin, Mark gathered us for a company call. In line with the Halloween theme, we performers were dressed in mostly black. He introduced R'love, Yan-yan and me as the new additions. I started to get more excited than nervous. After running through my monologue on my own outside, I went back inside to the table I shared with Nikki and Drei and just enjoyed the first few performances before mine. Whatever happens up there will happen.

After host Rene had introduced me, I just went up to the microphone and spoke. Once I started, I also began to enjoy myself out there, instead of just barreling through the lines like I used to do. When the people started reacting, I went with it. For the first time standing alone in front of a very receptive crowd, I was really enjoying myself. The crowd was actually listening and reacting, and even more so when I delivered a chunk of "hugot" lines (some of which, like most hugot lines in all the monologues, were almost immediately posted on Twitter).

"Chat ka nga ng chat, tapos nung na-fall ka, di ka naman ika-catch."

So my Ampalaya Monologues experience was uber-fun. Thank you loads to Mark for inviting me, and to Black Table and TAP for another successful event! Congratulations to everyone!

See you all for the next shows of Ampalaya Monologues!

Photos courtesy of Mark Ghosn, Carl Matoog and Nikki dela Cruz.

Dramatis Personal: Mark Ghosn.

Mark Ghosn is the Creative Director of TAP (Theater in Alternative Platforms), which is a theater group based in the South Metro. With the recent success of Ampalaya Monologues, TAP's most recent tie-up with Black Table Productions, I sat down one afternoon with the event's writer for a little casual tête-à-tête.

When did you start acting?

College days. It was 2005 when I joined my first theater org, Dulaang Perpetual. I was in first year college.

Why did you decide to join?

Well, since bata pa ako, mahilig na talaga umarte. I remember when I was a kid, sa labas ng bedroom namin, may poster na nakalagay doon. Drawing ako ng poster, tapos yung mga cousins ko would sit in front of the bed, and then they watch me perform on top of it. And then nung college na, when there was an opening for members for that organization, I joined. And then sabi kasi nila na walang audition. Feeling ko kung may audition yun, hindi ako nakasali, kasi sobrang mahiyain ako, sobrang introvert, kaya nakasali ako. And then tuluy-tuloy na from there, dun na nawala yung mga inhibitions ko.

What were your previous theater experiences?

Sa college, kasi every semester, merong production yun eh. So dun talaga kami nahasa. And iba-iba yung mga moderators namin per year, so we were able to work with them. Actually all of them were from Tanghalang Pilipino. Miss Cats Racsag, Chris Gozum, tapos si Sir Mcdo Bolanos, Sir JK [Anicoche] from Sipat Lawin Ensemble. And then after college, kinuha kami ng Sipat Lawin for Battalia Royale. Dun na nagstart. Akala ko kasi after college, tapos na, diba? Pero pwede pa pala siya i-extend.  So after nun, Battalia Royale, and then dun na nagkaroon ng TAP. So we decided to form our group, which is TAP nga.

So tell me about TAP (Theater in Alternative Platforms).

Ang mga members ng TAP ay mga alumni ng Dulaang Perpetual. We decided to form the group because after college, napapansin ko na ang daming mga talented na artists, especially from the south, na hindi nabibigyan ng venue to showcase their talents. So sabi ko, if we can't make it sa mga ibang theater org, why don't we create our own, diba? And ang galing lang kasi natupad siya after 3 years. Well, it took 3 years, actually, to actually build the group, the organization, the name, who we are, and all that. And this year is our first year for TAP. And we started with the Karnabal festival, mainly because our mentor is Sir JK. So yun yung first naming sabak. And then nag-open na yung doors for other theater festivals for us to join, and yun nga, we already had our first co-production. Yung TAP is mainly for the alumni of Dulaang Perpetual but at the same time, to showcase the talents of different artists from the south as well.

Showcase the talents of artists from the south... So is that the objective of TAP?

Yes, that's the objective of TAP, and also because we want to create new works na iba sa usual na nakikita. Siguro kasi because our main influence is Sipat Lawin, so it's like that pero different in a way that mas relatable yung mga gusto naming ipalabas.

Do you have a specific target audience for TAP? The south lang talaga or do you plan to branch out?

Right now, we're focusing dito sa south, and our target is yung mga young professionals like us, and the millenials as well. And that's why most of the stories that we want to showcase are those that reflect kung ano ba yung current status or issues na pinagdadaanan natin in our 20s, sa mga ganitong mga panahon ng teknolohiya and modernization. And nakakatuwa nga kasi mas involved na tayo ngayon, especially with social media, mas nagiging involved na tayo ngayon sa mga social issues na nangyayari sa atin. So target market namin is primarily south-based na mga young professionals, or people in their 20s. But, eventually sa plano ng TAP, of course, we're planning to showcase yung talent ng south sa iba pang mga lugar sa Philippines, and around the world. Why not?

So what were TAP's past productions? You mentioned the Karnabal festival.

Karnabal festival... so that was an original piece that I wrote, which was entitled Mga Multo ni Mang Roque. It was experimental. What we did was sinara namin yung 2^nd floor ng Puppet Museum, at lahat ng mga possible light entries, tinakpan namin, so it was a very dark performance area. Ang gamit lang ng mga tao nun na light was this one flashlight na pinagpapasa-pasahan ng mga tao. So it was about a horror house that was about to close na. And yung mga multo na nandun represent yung mga iba't ibang celebrities na nalaos na. And then parang nag-aagawan sila doon sa iisang ilaw, na ang may hawak o may control is yung audience. Audience ang may hawak ng flashlight at pinagpapasa-pasahan nila. Sila ang mamimili kung sino ang gusto nilang ilawan, kung gusto nga ba nilang itutok yun kung kanino man o hindi. So in the end, the message of the show was that we, as performers, hindi natin kontrolado kung ano yung gusto ng mga tao. Kahit gaano ka kagaling, at the end of the day, it’s them who controls kung ano yung gusto nila panoorin. I think it has a lot to do with TAP as well, because it took a while for us to find a venue for someone to watch us.

Your most recent event this past August, the Ampalaya Monologues, how did you come up with the idea for that?

Ampalaya Monologues... 3 years ago, we were thinking of our first production. We're going to be a company that will be different from all the rest, however, we don't have a venue, we cannot afford to actually have an actual show in a theater or you know, like a big production. So I thought of coming up of with monologues. All you need is a mic, minimal lang yung set, and a good script. So 3 years of writing different monologues, and coming up with different stories and inspiration for that. So that’s how Ampalaya Monologues happened.

Ampalaya Monologues were, obviously, monologues about bitterness. How did you get the inspiration for that? Meron bang mga personal issues or you take from what you observe sa paligid?

To be honest, I never really had an actual or official relationship in my life. Hindi pa ako nagkakaroon ng totoong relationship talaga. (laughs) Ang masasabi ko lang, I was always that friend na laging nilalapitan kapag may mga heart problems yung mga friends ko, the shoulder to cry on. So dun sa 7 monologues na yun, ang akin lang is yung "Sa Pagitan ng Tayo Ba at Hindi Na." Yun yung hugot ko personally. And of course, the "Hanash ng Soloista." Always the best friend, never the bida. And then the other 5, yung mga iba na yun, they came from my friends, stories of my friends, people I know. And ang sarap lang kasi din sa pakiramdam na you create a piece of art from other people's heartaches, and they get to watch it, let’s say 2 or 3 years from now, pag OK na sila, and they get to watch it and say, wow, whatever they want to feel about it. Hindi lang nasayang yung heartache nila, may na-produce kang art from it.

So any possibilities of a repeat performance?

Yes, we're bringing it sa iba ibang lugar. This October, there’s another one. And another in December. The best of Ampalaya Monologues, hopefully, February, sa araw natin (laughs), Singles Awareness day. And then after that, madami pa. I'm planning to have an Ampalaya Monologues Love Wins Edition, to celebrate yung LGBT month. So all the monologues will be about LGBTs. I'm planning na lahat ng ticket sales from that event will go to a specific LGBT foundation. And then ang dami ko pang naiisip. I want to create pieces for women empowerment, using Ampalaya Monologues for that. I also want one for domestic violence, may mga piyesa na rin akong ginawa for that. So it's not just for "hugot". I want it to become more than that. I want it to serve as a way for change, and for informing people about the things that are going on in our society. And I think that’s what TAP is all about. I'm excited for that.

Other than your shows and events, do you do other things such as workshops, etc?

Right now, we are focusing on Ampalaya Monologues and then yung mga theater festivals na kasali kami. And then next year, madami na rin kasing kumakausap for workshops, so hopefully mag-start na rin yun. The thing about TAP is that we all have our day jobs. So lahat ng members meron mga professional work other than TAP. So yun yung first challenge namin ngayon, to balance that. But our motto namin is "Love what you do, and do what you love." So we love our day jobs, but we are also doing what we love, which is theatre. So hopefully that motto will keep us together.

So you mentioned that you guys have day jobs. Is that how you support your passion for theatre? And how do you balance that?

Naba-balance ko ba? (laughs) It's very important that you also love your day job. It should not be just something that you do just for that sake of it. I’m a BPO process trainer, and I love teaching. It's the same as performing, but in a different way. You stand in front of people, and then play a certain character, which is the trainer, and then you read out your script which is the process that you're teaching them. Which is saulado mo na kasi ilang beses mo nang ginagawa. So madali na lang yung day job ko, kasi kumbaga mahal ko rin naman siya. I also enjoy doing it. And that's why siguro naba-balance ko rin, and also because very supportive yung mga katrabaho ko, especially my boss, he understands na dapat may balance between your work and your life. So yun, sobrang nakaktulong talaga yung ganun.

Other than your training from your college orgs, and with Sipat Lawin and TAP, from where else did you train for theater?

My most recent training, and one of the most challenging as well, was the Rehearsal and Performance Techniques training that we had with Sir Dennis Marasigan last summer for Tanghalang Pilipino. I think that was super challenging. It was 5 times a week. So very challenging, you know how Sir Dennis is naman. He has his own way of teaching you and testing you. Pero after that, after the show, ang dami mong bagong alam. And the good thing about Sir Dennis is that hindi lang siya sa pang workshop nagtuturo. Even kapag magkasama lang kayo, you’re hanging out, over dinner, he always has stories to tell, and you always learn something new from him. He's very generous when it comes to teaching you, and to share yung mga natututunan niya sa buhay niya. And ayun, he’s really a very good mentor, and I'm learning a lot from him. And I'm hoping to learn more from him pa talaga.

With what you’ve been doing lately, where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?

So right now, aside from TAP, I'm also part of a production company, which is Black Table Productions. Yun naman, we produce different events for different types of artists. Poetry, like yung nga, TAP. We are the ones responsible for the production of Ampalaya Monologues. We have other events na hindi kasali yung TAP naman. So ang daming going on with me right now, which I'm very very happy about. But in the future I would like to build an empire (laughs). I would like to focus on that, on the production company, and hoping that TAP will be very stable na to a point wherein we don't need to do our day jobs anymore, and we can just rely on it. Or even if we have to do our day jobs, our priority will have to be TAP already. I think TAP will be my legacy here. Even if hindi man siya sumikat or what, but sa mga tao na mga nakasali sa TAP, sa bawat individual na nakatrabaho namin during productions and all, I hope that, yun yung purpose ko with TAP, for once in their life, may nagbigay sa kanila ng chance na mag-perform. Makita ko lang silang nabigyan ng chance na mag-perform because of TAP, OK na ako dun, masaya na ako.

What’s the best advice you had ever received?

Hindi siya advice, more on lesson. Si Cats [Racsag] ang nagsabi na galing kay Stanislavki, na you have to be a thinking actor. Kasi it changed how I looked at acting and tumaas yung respeto ko sa industriya nung na-realize ko yun totoong trabaho na ginagawa ng isang tunay na actor.

What’s the best advice you can give?

Even if kahit hindi mo sabihin, ipakita mo lang na sinusuportahan mo sila for what they’re doing, and what makes them happy, then sige. So kung meron man akong isang advice, never give up until you make it. And even if you don't, at least you didn’t give up.

*Photos courtesy of Mark Ghosn and Mars Mercado.