On the day they first announced that Metro Manila will be under enhanced community quarantine, I panicked. I was staying in a condo in Makati with roommates, and my manager had announced that we will start working from home the following day. I hurriedly packed my laptop, phone, and wallet in my bag, leaving a lot of my clothes and other stuff behind, and took the first bus back home to the south.
It was actually pretty easy for me to adjust to the home-based work setup during the first weeks of quarantine. I didn’t have to wake up earlier than my usual, so I chopped off a lot of my prep time and commuting time. I also got to save quite a lot of money because I didn’t have to spend on transportation and eating out so much, because groceries were a family expense. Of course, I had to struggle with a few issues as well, such as internet connection using my own laptop, and background noise due to family members talking in the background, my dog barking, and random vehicles passing by outside. Eventually, I had to request for a desktop from the office, so I pretty much had it easy by then.
It was actually pretty easy for me to adjust to the home-based work setup during the first weeks of quarantine. I didn’t have to wake up earlier than my usual, so I chopped off a lot of my prep time and commuting time. I also got to save quite a lot of money because I didn’t have to spend on transportation and eating out so much, because groceries were a family expense. Of course, I had to struggle with a few issues as well, such as internet connection using my own laptop, and background noise due to family members talking in the background, my dog barking, and random vehicles passing by outside. Eventually, I had to request for a desktop from the office, so I pretty much had it easy by then.
As an ambivert, I pretty much enjoyed the quarantine life. Sure, it can be crazy sometimes knowing that I can’t be able to step outside the house for a random catchup date with a friend over coffee, but we managed to find ways online through Facebook Messenger chat and Zoom video calls. Eventually I also managed to satiate my yearning for activity, creativity, and even church service by making live dance fitness videos, singing collaborations, and whipping up different ways of making coffee in the kitchen. When I needed alone time, I just holed myself up in my room, reading or watching videos on YouTube or Netflix.
Since my parents are already senior citizens, going out of the house was a bigger no-no for them. Thank goodness we have Ate Melba around because it made their lives easier, especially when I was still living in Makati. She was the one who did the grocery runs for us. Props to her for always being so game on waking up so early to brave the long lines.
We were pretty much well-adjusted to being in quarantine, that we thought that all we had to do was wait for the time to pass until all lockdown rules are lifted, and we can just try to go back to normal. We thought wrong.
Two months into quarantine, my dad had a heart attack during the wee hours of the morning. It was my mom who found him on the floor, probably on his way to the bathroom. My mom woke me in a panic, and since neither of us could drive, we had to knock on the door of our neighbor who usually drove us if we needed to go somewhere far, or in case of emergencies, and this was a huge one.
After twelve long hours in the emergency room, the test results revealed that Dad has pneumonia, meaning that he was automatically considered a PUI (Person Under Investigation) for COVID-19. He had to stay in the PUI ward in the hospital for observation. Strict hospital rules said that relatives were not allowed to stay with PUI patients to prevent the spread of the virus, so we decided to hire a private nurse in order to be consistently updated.
We returned home with the thoughts of Dad getting better, especially under the watchful eye of the private nurse, who kept us updated every few hours. One small piece of good news later on though, was that his COVID results came out negative.
We lost Dad late the following night due to a second heart attack. I was so stunned that I didn’t even get to cry at all. In fact, I was surprised at how calm I sounded while talking to the nurse and the doctor. In all honesty, I felt lost, but I told myself that I shouldn’t show any signs of weakness in front of my mom. I was so grateful for my brother and my cousin, who walked me through the whole thing. Ate Shang made the necessary phone calls while my mom and I tried to get some rest.
Dad was taken directly from the morgue to the funeral home for cremation, so the last time I ever saw him was when he was being wheeled out of the emergency room. We got his ashes the following day, and after a mass service with only my mom and me in attendance, we took the ashes into the columbarium of our parish church.
Dad passed away the day before the feast day of Our Lady of Fatima, which happens to be the name of our parish where he had been serving ever since he retired. The parish priest even mentioned how he was quite a devotee of our Mother Mary. I happened to be doing a DIY retreat called 33 Days to Morning Glory, which should have been punctuated by the same feast day. I never mentioned the retreat to him, and now that he's gone, I wished I could have. There were so many things that I've read and learned about our Lady, so many questions that we could have talked about together.
It’s very frustrating to lose a loved one at this time. There were so many extra safety measures in every step that you had to take. Even though there were quite a bunch of tasks that I had to do, resources were limited due to quarantine rules. We had to request a permit to go to the church where the columbarium was. There was no wake for my dad, and no one was allowed to visit us. No one else was there to offer you comforting hugs.
I didn’t really know how to deal with my emotions. I avoided a lot of phone calls and messages because I honestly didn’t know how to respond to them, and to be honest, answering the same questions (“What happened?” “How are you?”) can be very tiresome. I acted perky and somewhat “normal” in group chats, probably because I didn’t really want to be asked those same questions.
Just when I thought I was fully adjusted to quarantine life, I had to adjust to this extreme change. My dad was the one who ran the entire household, from bills to things that needed to be maintained and updated, and more. Now, I had to take the helm.
Dad’s 40th day fell exactly on Fathers’ Day. How appropriate.
I honestly have to say that I’ve been feeling all sorts of negative things that I’ve been kind of silent about until now. I have become more spiritually disconnected, and sometimes I blamed it on certain things about myself, especially since I haven’t been serving lately. My prayers have become half-hearted, possibly because certain prayers remain unanswered (though that may already be an answer already).
I have also been very frustrated with a lot about the world, because it made things a lot harder than it should these past months. I sometimes complained about the little things. I was surprised at how quick my temper was when I lost my internet connection while I was still talking to one of my students at work.
Even though I was being kind of elusive, I am truly thankful for the gift of my friends, family, and my community. I resorted to watching worship nights and live Feasts, quietly leaving a short comment or two. I’m so grateful for everyone who reached out in their own ways to help, and even just prayed for the soul of my dad, or even just sent a simple message. Even though I didn’t really feel like responding, every message was very well appreciated. I am thankful for my Feast family, for those few that I got to talk to when I finally felt like opening up.
I realized that no matter how I tried to isolate myself a little during this dismal time in quarantine, God still managed to crack open the window to let people check in on me and to let the sun shine through.
I am still trying to adjust to this “internal” new normal in my life. Little by little, I’m going back to where I left off. Even though it seems that I look okay on the outside, I sometimes have that little yearning for that comfort that I had before to tell me that things will just be all right.
Since my parents are already senior citizens, going out of the house was a bigger no-no for them. Thank goodness we have Ate Melba around because it made their lives easier, especially when I was still living in Makati. She was the one who did the grocery runs for us. Props to her for always being so game on waking up so early to brave the long lines.
We were pretty much well-adjusted to being in quarantine, that we thought that all we had to do was wait for the time to pass until all lockdown rules are lifted, and we can just try to go back to normal. We thought wrong.
Two months into quarantine, my dad had a heart attack during the wee hours of the morning. It was my mom who found him on the floor, probably on his way to the bathroom. My mom woke me in a panic, and since neither of us could drive, we had to knock on the door of our neighbor who usually drove us if we needed to go somewhere far, or in case of emergencies, and this was a huge one.
After twelve long hours in the emergency room, the test results revealed that Dad has pneumonia, meaning that he was automatically considered a PUI (Person Under Investigation) for COVID-19. He had to stay in the PUI ward in the hospital for observation. Strict hospital rules said that relatives were not allowed to stay with PUI patients to prevent the spread of the virus, so we decided to hire a private nurse in order to be consistently updated.
We returned home with the thoughts of Dad getting better, especially under the watchful eye of the private nurse, who kept us updated every few hours. One small piece of good news later on though, was that his COVID results came out negative.
We lost Dad late the following night due to a second heart attack. I was so stunned that I didn’t even get to cry at all. In fact, I was surprised at how calm I sounded while talking to the nurse and the doctor. In all honesty, I felt lost, but I told myself that I shouldn’t show any signs of weakness in front of my mom. I was so grateful for my brother and my cousin, who walked me through the whole thing. Ate Shang made the necessary phone calls while my mom and I tried to get some rest.
Dad was taken directly from the morgue to the funeral home for cremation, so the last time I ever saw him was when he was being wheeled out of the emergency room. We got his ashes the following day, and after a mass service with only my mom and me in attendance, we took the ashes into the columbarium of our parish church.
Dad passed away the day before the feast day of Our Lady of Fatima, which happens to be the name of our parish where he had been serving ever since he retired. The parish priest even mentioned how he was quite a devotee of our Mother Mary. I happened to be doing a DIY retreat called 33 Days to Morning Glory, which should have been punctuated by the same feast day. I never mentioned the retreat to him, and now that he's gone, I wished I could have. There were so many things that I've read and learned about our Lady, so many questions that we could have talked about together.
It’s very frustrating to lose a loved one at this time. There were so many extra safety measures in every step that you had to take. Even though there were quite a bunch of tasks that I had to do, resources were limited due to quarantine rules. We had to request a permit to go to the church where the columbarium was. There was no wake for my dad, and no one was allowed to visit us. No one else was there to offer you comforting hugs.
I didn’t really know how to deal with my emotions. I avoided a lot of phone calls and messages because I honestly didn’t know how to respond to them, and to be honest, answering the same questions (“What happened?” “How are you?”) can be very tiresome. I acted perky and somewhat “normal” in group chats, probably because I didn’t really want to be asked those same questions.
Just when I thought I was fully adjusted to quarantine life, I had to adjust to this extreme change. My dad was the one who ran the entire household, from bills to things that needed to be maintained and updated, and more. Now, I had to take the helm.
Dad’s 40th day fell exactly on Fathers’ Day. How appropriate.
I honestly have to say that I’ve been feeling all sorts of negative things that I’ve been kind of silent about until now. I have become more spiritually disconnected, and sometimes I blamed it on certain things about myself, especially since I haven’t been serving lately. My prayers have become half-hearted, possibly because certain prayers remain unanswered (though that may already be an answer already).
I have also been very frustrated with a lot about the world, because it made things a lot harder than it should these past months. I sometimes complained about the little things. I was surprised at how quick my temper was when I lost my internet connection while I was still talking to one of my students at work.
Even though I was being kind of elusive, I am truly thankful for the gift of my friends, family, and my community. I resorted to watching worship nights and live Feasts, quietly leaving a short comment or two. I’m so grateful for everyone who reached out in their own ways to help, and even just prayed for the soul of my dad, or even just sent a simple message. Even though I didn’t really feel like responding, every message was very well appreciated. I am thankful for my Feast family, for those few that I got to talk to when I finally felt like opening up.
I realized that no matter how I tried to isolate myself a little during this dismal time in quarantine, God still managed to crack open the window to let people check in on me and to let the sun shine through.
I am still trying to adjust to this “internal” new normal in my life. Little by little, I’m going back to where I left off. Even though it seems that I look okay on the outside, I sometimes have that little yearning for that comfort that I had before to tell me that things will just be all right.
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