Friday, October 30, 2009

Helpless. And then some.

I hate this feeling. I hate not being there for someone when I feel I have to. It also sucks when the effort isn't even appreciated, ignored, or even worse, rejected. I haven't been there much for the highs (because I didn't really have a choice), and I also couldn't be there for the lows.

I was looking forward to certain days, when all plans always fall through. This sucks.

I also have this unnerving feeling of... well, I don't know what. I feel as if you're avoiding me. And why do we suddenly seem to argue over the smallest things these past few days? Or maybe this is just paranoia.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

On fanatics.

Brief exchange from last Saturday...

Kath: May kamukha ka na artista... Sa ABS...
Me: (*shrugs*) Uhm, wala akong alam sa showbiz eh. Kakahiya, ahehe.
Kath: Mas nakakahiya naman pag masyadong marami kang alam, hahaha!

I admit, I used to be a groupie of some artist at some point in my life. I know at least a handful of people who can attest to that. I had some access to certain information, being friends with some of the "inner circle" and the artists themselves. But at least I know where to draw the line. There are some who don't. While I was chatting with Teena, she had even mentioned a particular "R" from our past. That person's still out there somewhere, and even though R had drifted away, that same person is still lurking in other people's interests to the extreme.

My advice to people who tend to go crazy with their fanaticism--please don't go overboard. I mean, it's alright to do research on people you admire, but there's a fine line between researching and stalking (to include other people that are connected to that object of obsession as well). It could start off as funny or amusing, but it could come out as annoying to some.

Just a thought. Not to point fingers, really, but just to state a point, because I'm really concerned about some people who could be involved.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Brooding.

"Nakakapagod magtampo."

That's a line that I haven't used in over 2 years. And sad to say, that's what was running in my head the whole day. I hate it when you think things will be OK that day then it all just goes pffft. I always put off one day to spend the time just to be there, and I guess I was expecting that today will be like that. But I guess it wasn't so I wasted the entire day just brooding, right until the very last minute of the day.

And to make things worse, I think this damn computer monitor is ready to give up on me. It keeps flickering and changing colors and it annoys me like hell because it's hurting my eyes. I just want to slam my fist into it not just because of that but because I've been brooding. Anyone want to buy me a new monitor?

Saturday, October 24, 2009

A wedding pictorial.

Went to Carms and Jay's wedding pictorial at Jay's house this afternoon until evening. Nope, don't think that these are the pre-nup photos, but they're just a little extra with the people involved in the wedding. And even before today, I knew I would have a blast. And I was right.

The pictorial was supposed to be scheduled for tomorrow, Sunday, but because some people couldn't make it, they had to stagger the schedules so each one can make it on a specific day. So I was one of the people who were rescheduled to a day earlier, which is today.

Jay's house was all the way up north, but somewhat familiar due to (very) occasional visits to the area. Thanks to Opa's specific (and Nicco's super vague) directions, I suddenly realized that I sort of already knew my way around. Thank goodness Carms got Jay to pick me up at the gas station outside their village, as the tricycle fare inside the village was pretty pricey.

Went straight to this recreation room (as I called it) where Carms and Kath were fully armed with tons of make-up. I breathed a sigh of relief when Carms had said that she and Kath will be doing our make-up, as I know I'd make a mess of it if I do it on my own. While Carms was putting foundation on, she even offered her and Kath's make-up services when it's my turn to get married, hahaha! She and Kath were quite the pros, and once Kath was done with me, I told them, "You're hired!" Hahahaha!

Aside from me with the bride and groom, 3 other people were in the pictorial--Yas, Ila and Alex. All 3 of them will be hosting the wedding reception, while I'll be handling the more technical stuff. Because I was the first one in the make-up chair, I ended up watching Kath work on Ila and Yas. Man, I envy girls like these who are make-up pros. Well, like Kath had said, she easily learned it because of constant make-up application in the theater. Please teach me, hahaha!

Watching Ila and Yas, I easily realized why Carms had picked them to host the reception. They're very conversational, easy-going and charming. Alex, Jay's friend and 3rd choice as host, on the other hand, is quite the goofy clown. Ang kuliiit! His upbeat personality complimented the 2 girls', so all 3 of them make quite a perfect team.

Pictorial time! After a set of photos of the couple with some of Jay's family members, I was then prompted that it was my turn next. When I headed to the adjoining bathroom to change, I found the door locked. Hmmm... maybe it was left locked by accident, so Carms let me go through the other door in Jay's room. Eep, also locked. After knocking a few times, we realized that there was no one inside, so it was locked from both doors by accident... and they can't seem to find the key! So while I dressed behind the bar table, they tried to search for the key but ended up in vain, until one of Jay's helpers decided to climb through the window to open the doors from the inside. Hahaha, success!

So anyway, I had to have solo photos taken, and I honestly had no idea how to pose, hahaha! I think I just stood there like a tree stump for a while until Jay had set that metal stool in front of me. I still had no idea what I looked like, but I just tried to go with it. I must've looked awkward in some of those photos, but Tito Ernie said that it came out pretty good (awww, thanks). I didn't want to see it yet, though, ahehe. I think I'll just wait until, say, February, hahaha!

After my photos with the couple, it was the hosts' turn. I only got to watch Ila's solos, because I had to change into a 2nd outfit, but she was a natural in front of the camera. I heard that when all 3 hosts were doing the group photos, they looked like they were starring in a sitcom, hahaha! Well, just watching the 3 of them together did look like a sitcom, ahehehe.

There was one more set of photos, the group cocktail attire. Haha, at first, we were instructed to wear "Sunday dresses," but for the life of me, I have no proper Sunday dress in my meager wardrobe. Thank goodness that Carms almost immediately changed the attire to cocktail dresses, hahaha. Even while we were shooting that set, we still cracked up because of Alex the walking sitcom.

After the group photos, we wrapped up and it was time to eat. Hahaha, I think I filled up and cleaned my plate about 3 times. I'm such a pig. It's just because the ham was pretty yummy. Hahaha, I even did the "Filipino way" and left one piece for any other takers, but it still ended up on my plate. When I was finally done, I joined the rest (as I was sitting with Kath at the other table with Jay's niece, Anya) as they chatted away. Ahaha, I was so amused at how Kath was so surprised to find out that Tad's my boyfriend. Well, I guess it's because during the occasional times that I met her (during Nicco's surprise birthday bash was the first, I think), I was still dating Jerald. Wow, that was so 3 years ago. And man, I wish I had enough space here to blog all the Alex antics, but I can't. Every quip that came out of his mouth was punctuated with everyone's laughter. He even showed off a video of himself on the race tracks (he's a pro-racer) when I made a little quip about that upcoming billboard of his, wahahaha. I think I managed to digest everything I ate just by sitting there, laughing. I even joked at least once or twice that I have a feeling na kay Alex ako mangangarag during the program because of his crazy antics, hahaha. But even with that, I have a feeling that with these three hosts, I'm sure it's going to be a fun program.

Carms had mentioned (while I was getting my 3rd serving of food, ahehe) that she and Kath sometimes work at events, and even said that if I want to, I could give it a shot and join them. Not a bad idea. I haven't done those one-day events in ages. It would be fun to go back to that.

When we were finally done, Carms, Jay and Kath gave me a lift all the way back to the south. Super thanks, you guys! Road trip ito. Haha, probinsya ba? Kasi pati gas prices nahiritan natin eh, hahaha!

I had such an awesome time today. My one-on-one date with Carms is already a couple of years overdue, but being with her during these occasional days until the big day really makes up for it. But I sure hope that one-on-one date will happen sometime, whenever she's not too busy working on her wedding plans. Friends like these are quite the treasure.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Inspired by Betty's "Missing People."

Betty posted a note on Facebook with that title. This was what she wrote:

I don't say I love you and I miss you enough. Wala lang, I just miss you guys terribly. Lalo ka na Mimay! Mebbe got something to do with watching Nicco rock it out in Spring Awakening this afternoon. Seeing Tin accidentally in Bonifacio High Street nung gabi while waiting for the young cinema festival chuchu.

I remember Carme's Christmas text message that year saying something like what I am paraphrasing: One of the most memorable moments of my life was that summer.

Hay, naiiyak ako.

Then she posted a photo of a book cover of Thornton Wilder's Our Town. Our workshop recital back during that summer with the experiences that we can never seem to top. And since then, I've always put that summer experience on a very high pedestal.

It made me miss all the same people too.

With Betty as my constant textmate, chatmate and "boyfriend," my mom from the quaint town of Luntiang Parang has been always there since our Batman and Robin days. We've even shared crazy dreams with Opa and Mimay, we've conquered our "nemesis" and managed to pull one heck of an awesome and memorable show for Mimay's final class before she graduated. She never fails to drop me a line almost every day, even though they're random texts about her lovelife, or projects, or even rants just so she can let out some steam.

I miss my alter-ego Mimay more and more. It still hasn't quite sunk in that she's out there in California for good, and to think that on random days, we could just meet up at Burger King in Glorietta and hang out until the wee hours in Gloria Jeans. It's so funny how I always try to match her hype about everything we do. I love how she has so much energy for the both of us.

Of course, how could I not forget my then-hubby Nicco, who's now a "rockstar" in his own right? HAHAHA. When I saw him in Spring Awakening as Moritz, I knew the spark he had back during the good ol' days was back because he had claimed that he lost it. Don't get me wrong, he never lost the passion, but I knew he had found that happiness he was looking for, which was why I was (as he had said) "jumping for joy" during the curtain call. He's still one of the most awesome people I know, and I'm darn proud of this guy, and he still remains to be my baby brother despite the many crazy disagreements and tampuhans that we had over the past years.

The last time I actually saw Carmela was over a year ago when Mimay and I were shooting Mimay's thesis film, and I had decided on a whim to sleep over at her house because it was really late, and then in the morning, I had left while Carmie was still asleep (but hey, I sent a text message, didn't I? Hahaha). She claimed that she wasn't the type to really delve into theater, but she had a lot of spunk and knew she could do it as well as the next person can. When we reconnected over a week ago, we ended up reminiscing about that amazing summer that brought us all together.

I can never leave Tin out in this entry. It was great seeing her when we both watched Spring Awakening along with Hil, and she's still the same upbeat young lady (who can still talk super fast) that we saw grow up. And it was still a blast hanging out with her at the Rent auditions even though I had to leave way too early (despite her complaints of my being "corny" or "boring" just because I had to leave my post to support my boyfriend at his play, hahaha). I've seen my offstage baby sister go through a lot of emotional stuff that first year we were friends, but I knew she could always manage to pick herself up and go off even stronger than before.

I wish I could catch up with the rest of the BA gang.

In Our Town, the Stage Manager had said that "We all know that something is eternal... There’s something way down deep that’s eternal about every human being." I hope what's eternal between these amazing people I was with was the bond we had formed that summer. That bond that Ian and Miss Tess had noticed when we were all strutting our stuff.

In the play, Emily had asked, "Does anyone ever realize life while they live it... every, every minute?" I don't think we always do. That's why we really should cherish those precious minutes, those times when we wish that time would just stop so we can just look and appreciate certain things even more.

I love you guys and I still miss you like crazy. At ang ganda pa rin ng moonlight.


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

On friends who don't look back.

Text exchange a few days ago with a friend about a common friend that we have:
Hogi: Nako, si _____, ayaw na nya maalala yung panahon na yun, hahaha.
Friend: Actually, si ____ din. Hahaha.
Hogi: Haha, maraming ngang ganun sa kanila. Ang funny pa, kung sino pa sa kanila yung ganun, sila pa yung mga hindi talaga directly involved sa nangyari back then.

Honestly, I didn't get it. Kung sino pa ang hindi involved sa situation, sila pa yung mga tumalikod dun sa past na yun at ayaw nang maalala. Yung tipong pag tinanong kung paano kami magkakilala, ayaw aminin dahil parang lumalabas na nakakahiya. Mga friends, hindi dapat ikahiya ang mga yan, dahil it doesn't make you less of a person. It's part of what made you who you are today, so bakit mo kakalimutan, diba? Bakit ba kayo masyadong nagpapaapekto nung time na yun? OK, sige, I understand that you were sympathizing with the ones directly involved, but wag naman masyadong magpaapekto.

It's weird how I just pondered over those friends of mine who were in that circle. I still love them to bits, we still talk and even try to make the effort to stay in touch, but I just don't get why they do this.

Wala lang, bigla lang ako napaisip nung magkatext kami ng isang friend na yan.

Rent audition weekend.

"Will I lose my dignity...?"

Hahaha, that line from Rent's "Will I?" was possibly running in the minds of the auditionees this past weekend. A huge variety of people in different states of nervousness, anxiety, excitement and calm came and went at Philippine Opera Company for 9Works Theatrical's auditions for Rent.

Auditions began on Friday, at exactly 10 in the morning. We came in early to set up the front desk, the waiting area and the audition venue. I was stationed at the front desk, so I was the very first person the auditionees encounter upon entering the gate. That first day, Kyla and Eric were already there even before we had set everything up.

Randomness: Kyla was sitting at the outside waiting area, and then she asked me, "Aren't you auditioning for this also? I thought you also perform... I read it somewhere in your blog." And I just laughed it off and said something about this wasn't really for me.

Anyway, it was awesome to see different people signing up to audition for this musical. The people were so diverse. True, there were some people who signed up and audition "just because this is Rent," but there are still a lot of real undiscovered talent out there that really deserves a second look.

I held the fort at the front desk by my lonesome all morning, while Ging (OJT-ing with Bek) joined me after lunch, and it was amusing to watch and greet all the people come in. Some calmly or nervously walked up from the street, while the others came rushing in as if they ran the whole way. May mga nakita pa kami ni Ging na parang mala-action star ang entrance, like that guy who literally hopped out of the cab he was riding even when it hasn't stopped yet. Kulang na lang gumulong siya papunta ng front desk para complete ang eksena, hahaha. The guy who came in after he did was running and panting and panicking as he rushed to our table, apologizing for coming in 2 minutes late.

After the auditions, I even had time to drop by RCBC to say hello to the front-of-house and to hand something over to Nicco. Hahaha, kamusta naman si Claire na parang nagbabantay nung papunta ako sa dressing room.

On Saturday morning, I had to meet Tin at the MRT station so we can go to POC together. Hahaha, she ended up half an hour late at the MRT because she had to baby-sit a neighbor's kid for a few minutes. I didn't mind being late at POC, really, but I sort of hate waiting at some odd place like the MRT platform, haha. 8 trains had already come and gone by the time Tin had arrived, ahahaha! Oh well, never mind that Tin was late, I was just grateful that I have company at the front desk, plus it's back-up because I had to leave early to catch the matinee of Flores Para Los Muertos at CCP. Haha, we didn't even have breakfast yet when we reached POC, so we looked at Peach and Rob's Jollibee takeout in envy for a couple of minutes, then ran to the phone to have a couple of Sausage McMuffins delivered. When Nar arrived before his audition, he mooched some orange juice from Tin and a couple of bites from my McMuffin and kulitan galore before and after he auditioned.

Anyway, Saturday was also Peachy's day to audition. She was so funny, as she doesn't have a second song prepared, and all 3 of us were just sitting there at the table, trying to think of whatever she could sing. We were randomly suggesting songs, and Peach was randomly listening to different songs and switching to another after listening to it for a few minutes. We even joked na baka maging jukebox si Peach by the time she faced the panel.

I arrived at around 12:30 pm on Sunday because I had to hear mass with my mom in the morning. Haha, when I got off the MRT station in Magallanes and was walking briskly towards the entrance of San Lorenzo Village, I spotted a dirty ice cream cart and couldn't resist buying a cone. Yay, dessert muna to tide me over before the long lunch break, hahaha. This time, Teena was manning the front desk by her lonesome. We still ended up nibbling on wheat crackers that she brought because lunch was still quite a long way away.

We had a huge break that day from 2 in the afternoon until 6 in the evening because Rob and Peach were watching the matinee show of Spring Awakening. So when they had left, a whole bunch of us (Jon-Jon, Santi, Anna, Teena, Bek, Sundee, Carlos and me) headed over to Andok's for lunch. Yummy liempo and "cream of sinigang," ahahaha. Panalo pa rin talaga yung pang-commercial na first bite ni Jon-Jon of his siomai, ahehehe. After lunch, Anna, Santi and Jon-Jon had to hear mass, so the rest of us went back to POC to hang out and sleep. Teena, Carlos, Bek and I ended up lying on the bare floor of the audition room, which was fine for us, until Sundee came in with his heavy feet, making the floor bounce. Then I sort of fell asleep again... until I felt the floor vibrate with Carlos' snoring, ahahaha. So I headed back outside to sit on the couch.

More auditionees came and went, then I had to leave for home shortly after Lao and Riki's auditions. Hay naku, they seemed to be in a rush to leave because Lao had left his cap on the bench. I had to bring it with me for safekeeping. Hmmm... it's a pretty nice cap. I wonder if I could keep it? Hahahaha! As if I'm really a cap person.

Anyway, thanks to all who auditioned for Rent! I can't wait for all the exciting things to come!