In my last blog post earlier last week, a bunch of us were at the Magallanes house, and we all had to sit through Mommy Val's lecture on relationships.
And of course, I just had to blog about it right away after the talk. I have to admit, when I was writing that previous blog entry, I wasn't really giving it much thought. In hindsight, I think I was blogging merely as an initial reaction to what I had observed that day.
A text conversation that night didn't help one bit. I was being a bit pushy, I admit, so I then found out that he (yes, I'll just refer to him in pronouns) is now liking someone else. His own predicament was that he might have to choose between his feelings for the girl and the team. It didn't really make much sense to me that time, having to choose one over the other, but I still played the good friend card and offered advice. He did say that he appreciated my efforts to please him, but I know that it will just be that. And then he said that he had already made his decision, and that certain people will just have to understand that. He chose her. And I said that the conversation suddenly grew awkward. He admitted that he had nothing else to say (sending me frowning emoticons instead) because he knew that I was merely pretending to be okay. We ended the text conversation with that.
Eventually, I found out who the girl was, sooner than I had expected. During Lebran class on Wednesday evening, I saw him bringing in a balloon (a smiley face on one side, "I'm sorry" on the other). I simply asked if it was for a date. He said it was for Carmela, who was angry at him. But why would anyone go through all that effort to apologize? While we were waiting for the rest to arrive at MCS from Rustan's, I observed him talking softly with Jayson on the other side of the room. That's when I realized that Carmela was the girl that he likes.
Interesting turn of events, though. When he presented the balloon to Carmela, she got really upset. She didn't accept the balloon, avoided him, and took off...all the way home. Abby and I were pretty surprised at what had happened that we had to ask him about it. We went to Chikitita for dinner, and as he was about to tell us, Alvin (who also likes Carmela, but we know will never make a move) joined us. So he ended up just showing us this long text message that he had once sent Carmela about his feelings for her despite the 7-year age gap between them. That's when I asked him if that was what he was talking about when we were texting about choosing between his feelings and the team, and he nodded.
They were all heading to Sir Brando's house after dinner to drink to celebrate Jayson's birthday that day, but because I had to work really early the next morning, I declined the invite to join them.
The two of us ended up having a text conversation that night until 1 in the morning about what had happened, about how he is and all that jazz. I was just glad that we just kept a decent conversation going where he didn't blow me off.
He didn't come to work the following day, because he said that his shoulder still hurts after injuring it in Lebran class the morning before. Because Sir Brando had an errand to run and Jayson had to go home, I ended up going with Mommy Val alone to Rockwell. And that's how I got my chance to open everything up to her. It already started during the ride from MCS, and things just started pouring out. What was so cool about Mommy Val was that she already knew what was going to happen when we had started out. She already knew what was going on the whole time. I was trying to laugh at the situation, but Mommy Val just listened intently. She gave the simplest and best advice--to simply be a friend to him, and just know that I'm always there. In the end, maybe that will be the one that will prevail. I sure do hope so, Mommy.
We kept the conversation going when we were just sitting around in the Guico unit in Rockwell. She listened to all my anecdotes and how I felt during those times, she gave me advice on how to deal with him and others regarding these situations, and actually commended me on how I had already dealt with these during those times. When we were done with the heart-to-heart, we then discussed my life's direction, especially now that I'm already at this age. I admitted to her that when I shifted career paths, I felt even more lost than ever. That's when she said that I really never had direction even before I started dancing, which is what I have to do now. She gave me an assignment to put down in writing my 5-year plan. She commended me again about my conversational skills in admin work for Lebran, but I still have to face my stage fright and learn to teach a class.
After a trip to pick up a couple of Mommy Val's gowns, we went to Greenfield District to check out Pump Juice Bar for an upcoming event next month before we headed back to MCS. And well, what do you know, because Jayson didn't return to the studio, I was the one who had to begin the class even though Kimmy and Carmela had arrived. Yikes. After the waltz, the bachata and the Piel Morena salsa, I turned back and asked Carmela to take over. But hey, at least I managed to lead 3 dances, right? Getting there.
On Friday in Magallanes, it was just Mommy Val, Sir Brando, Myrone, and me. After lunch, Mommy Val went on to talk about Lebran, and then smoothly segued into our own issues. She even commended Myrone for not blowing me off and for not ignoring me, unlike the way Carmela had reacted to his own advances. Oh welp.
On Saturday, after Lebran and lunch, Mommy Val began her lecture, which was a continuation on discussion of relationships. She gave a short intro, and then she asked all of us one by one to share a recent experience on relationships this past week. The kids talked about relationships with friends, classmates (both old and new, as some had moved to new schools), siblings, and parents. When I was called to share, I braced myself. Because some of them aren't really aware of what was up with me, I first gave a little background on what had happened in a previous work situation with an ex, before I started with my experience this week (or these past few weeks). But I decided not to disclose anyone's identity and basically just said work, or coming to wherever everyday. I mentioned staying professional despite the fact that I have issues with someone in the same circle. When it was his turn, he mentioned a relationship with a love interest, and became a little more specific than I was, even though he also didn't mention Carmela's name, as the others also weren't aware of the situation. He talked about unconditional love, plus quoted what he posted on Facebook that I had noticed, which was "Love is acceptance of one another regardless of flaws or anything else. Then as an addendum, mentioned the next that he posted, that one of the best feelings is being wanted, that knowing there is someone who cares for you, and lets you know that.
Well, I'm not sure that I'm the one he was talking about in that last part, and it's quite a big possibility that I'm not the one, but I sure do hope he knows that I'm one of those people who really does care for him, no matter how many times he blows me off.
In another text conversation last night, he reiterated again that he doesn't want me to get used again to being too close to him, and I should know the reasons why (that he doesn't want me to keep hoping, and that he likes someone else). And he even wanted me to promise to just be friends. Hard promise to make, but I will try my best.
I just had to apologize for ruining our friendship like this. And even though we're still friends right now, I know that in reality, I have to face the facts that things are very different between us now.
That's the way the cookie crumbles.
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