Facing little fears.

I never really had that much confidence in myself. I may show an optimistic facade, but I'm really more of a pessimist.

This past week, I had to learn to face some of my fears. It was a personal challenge I took on for my own good.

But let's backtrack a bit, shall we?

After I had shown my 5-year plan to Mommy Val, she gave me a little personal objective for myself that I could accomplish (if I wanted to) by the end of the year. Part of it required me to take the recently announced Lebran teacher certification exam. Yikes. Yes, I have to learn to teach a class much sooner than I had expected, because we need more teachers to go around.

It was announced two Saturdays ago that the exam would take place the following Monday and Tuesday, so it was be in two batches.

I decided to take the exam on Monday just so I can get it over and done with right away. But before that, I had to survive the day first. For Lebran, Lenny and I had decided to use the first half of the class to practice for the routine part of the exam. Because it was Myrone's class, we let him take a breather during the first half, let him grab a bite to eat and relax, before he took over for the second half.

Then of course, there was Sir Roy's contemporary jazz class. Now, I had already attended one class the week before, so I was looking forward to the class no matter how hard the movements can be. But my goodness, things were taken to the next level. I had to learn to face two of my fears during that one hour class.

After some barre work (where we even ended up doing splits, yikes), we had to do some combinations. Then some choreography. My first fear was tested. As an acrophobic, I was afraid to be lifted up on one shoulder of my partner. Eep. It took a while, but I did manage to get over it. Then I realized that after being up in the air, we girls had to flip over while our legs are still hooked around the guys' right shoulder. Fear number two: fear of falling. I had to flip over, having my legs up in the air and my head possibly hitting the floor. Ack, When I first tried it, my legs still held on for dear life even though we were supposed to let go. But when I tried it again, I learned to take the rise and let go of my leg. In the end, Sir Roy actually liked how I made a split (or at least a semblance of it, anyway) when I released my legs before settling on the floor (quite clumsily, I might add).

Then after spending the afternoon in Magallanes, it was time for the exam after the evening's Lebran class. My goodness, I was more nervous about the routine part of the exam. I can do away with the oral and written exams. But even with that, I was nervous as heck. When it was my turn, my timing was a bit off, and even more when I changed figures. Arg. But at least the other parts of the exam were pretty easy. 

When I had texted Mommy Val the morning after, reminding her to bring a book that Myrone had recommended I read, she replied that she will, then added: "Morning Ms. CLT. Certified Lebran Teacher. You were great last night. Congrats for picking up the challenge! Proud of you Tin!"

Huwaw.

I had just started reading the book I borrowed. Here's a good quote from the very first chapter.

"Believe in yourself and good things do start happening." - The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz, Ph.D.

It's about time that I should learn to believe in myself. Every day is a new challenge. Facing my trivial fears of heights, falling and teaching a class in the span of one day was some sort of a milestone. I'm really grateful to come across those situations, and to take on those challenges, as each accomplishment (such as facing those fears) is a small victory for me.

The past crazy week in retrospect.

One of my most recent posts on Facebook today said, "Sunday. Glad that the previous week is over. But I'm also grateful for everything that had transpired, both good and bad. Salamat din to those involved, as you've helped a whole lot. Lessons learned. One day, we can all look back at this and laugh."

In my last blog post earlier last week, a bunch of us were at the Magallanes house, and we all had to sit through Mommy Val's lecture on relationships.

And of course, I just had to blog about it right away after the talk. I have to admit, when I was writing that previous blog entry, I wasn't really giving it much thought. In hindsight, I think I was blogging merely as an initial reaction to what I had observed that day.

A text conversation that night didn't help one bit. I was being a bit pushy, I admit, so I then found out that he (yes, I'll just refer to him in pronouns) is now liking someone else. His own predicament was that he might have to choose between his feelings for the girl and the team. It didn't really make much sense to me that time, having to choose one over the other, but I still played the good friend card and offered advice. He did say that he appreciated my efforts to please him, but I know that it will just be that. And then he said that he had already made his decision, and that certain people will just have to understand that. He chose her. And I said that the conversation suddenly grew awkward. He admitted that he had nothing else to say (sending me frowning emoticons instead) because he knew that I was merely pretending to be okay. We ended the text conversation with that.

Eventually, I found out who the girl was, sooner than I had expected. During Lebran class on Wednesday evening, I saw him bringing in a balloon (a smiley face on one side, "I'm sorry" on the other). I simply asked if it was for a date. He said it was for Carmela, who was angry at him. But why would anyone go through all that effort to apologize? While we were waiting for the rest to arrive at MCS from Rustan's, I observed him talking softly with Jayson on the other side of the room. That's when I realized that Carmela was the girl that he likes.

Interesting turn of events, though. When he presented the balloon to Carmela, she got really upset. She didn't accept the balloon, avoided him, and took off...all the way home. Abby and I were pretty surprised at what had happened that we had to ask him about it. We went to Chikitita for dinner, and as he was about to tell us, Alvin (who also likes Carmela, but we know will never make a move) joined us. So he ended up just showing us this long text message that he had once sent Carmela about his feelings for her despite the 7-year age gap between them. That's when I asked him if that was what he was talking about when we were texting about choosing between his feelings and the team, and he nodded.

They were all heading to Sir Brando's house after dinner to drink to celebrate Jayson's birthday that day, but because I had to work really early the next morning, I declined the invite to join them.

The two of us ended up having a text conversation that night until 1 in the morning about what had happened, about how he is and all that jazz. I was just glad that we just kept a decent conversation going where he didn't blow me off.

He didn't come to work the following day, because he said that his shoulder still hurts after injuring it in Lebran class the morning before. Because Sir Brando had an errand to run and Jayson had to go home, I ended up going with Mommy Val alone to Rockwell. And that's how I got my chance to open everything up to her. It already started during the ride from MCS, and things just started pouring out. What was so cool about Mommy Val was that she already knew what was going to happen when we had started out. She already knew what was going on the whole time. I was trying to laugh at the situation, but Mommy Val just listened intently. She gave the simplest and best advice--to simply be a friend to him, and just know that I'm always there. In the end, maybe that will be the one that will prevail. I sure do hope so, Mommy.

We kept the conversation going when we were just sitting around in the Guico unit in Rockwell. She listened to all my anecdotes and how I felt during those times, she gave me advice on how to deal with him and others regarding these situations, and actually commended me on how I had already dealt with these during those times. When we were done with the heart-to-heart, we then discussed my life's direction, especially now that I'm already at this age. I admitted to her that when I shifted career paths, I felt even more lost than ever. That's when she said that I really never had direction even before I started dancing, which is what I have to do now. She gave me an assignment to put down in writing my 5-year plan. She commended me again about my conversational skills in admin work for Lebran, but I still have to face my stage fright and learn to teach a class.

After a trip to pick up a couple of Mommy Val's gowns, we went to Greenfield District to check out Pump Juice Bar for an upcoming event next month before we headed back to MCS. And well, what do you know, because Jayson didn't return to the studio, I was the one who had to begin the class even though Kimmy and Carmela had arrived. Yikes. After the waltz, the bachata and the Piel Morena salsa, I turned back and asked Carmela to take over. But hey, at least I managed to lead 3 dances, right? Getting there.

On Friday in Magallanes, it was just Mommy Val, Sir Brando, Myrone, and me. After lunch, Mommy Val went on to talk about Lebran, and then smoothly segued into our own issues. She even commended Myrone for not blowing me off and for not ignoring me, unlike the way Carmela had reacted to his own advances. Oh welp.

On Saturday, after Lebran and lunch, Mommy Val began her lecture, which was a continuation on discussion of relationships. She gave a short intro, and then she asked all of us one by one to share a recent experience on relationships this past week. The kids talked about relationships with friends, classmates (both old and new, as some had moved to new schools), siblings, and parents. When I was called to share, I braced myself. Because some of them aren't really aware of what was up with me, I first gave a little background on what had happened in a previous work situation with an ex, before I started with my experience this week (or these past few weeks). But I decided not to disclose anyone's identity and basically just said work, or coming to wherever everyday. I mentioned staying professional despite the fact that I have issues with someone in the same circle. When it was his turn, he mentioned a relationship with a love interest, and became a little more specific than I was, even though he also didn't mention Carmela's name, as the others also weren't aware of the situation. He talked about unconditional love, plus quoted what he posted on Facebook that I had noticed, which was "Love is acceptance of one another regardless of flaws or anything else. Then as an addendum, mentioned the next that he posted, that one of the best feelings is being wanted, that knowing there is someone who cares for you, and lets you know that.

Well, I'm not sure that I'm the one he was talking about in that last part, and it's quite a big possibility that I'm not the one, but I sure do hope he knows that I'm one of those people who really does care for him, no matter how many times he blows me off.

In another text conversation last night, he reiterated again that he doesn't want me to get used again to being too close to him, and I should know the reasons why (that he doesn't want me to keep hoping, and that he likes someone else). And he even wanted me to promise to just be friends. Hard promise to make, but I will try my best.

I just had to apologize for ruining our friendship like this. And even though we're still friends right now, I know that in reality, I have to face the facts that things are very different between us now.

That's the way the cookie crumbles.

An appropriate (?) spur-of-the-moment lecture.

Typing this on the desktop of the Magallanes house while the rest are scattered around the living room.

I had meant to blog about our performances these past couple of weekends, plus when I had watched TP's Sandosenang Sapatos at the CCP yesterday, but this afternoon had just inspired a (sort of) brand new blog entry.

When we were still just waiting around last Saturday afternoon before we had to perform at UA&P, Mommy Val decided to take advantage of the time to continue her long overdue lecture from way, way back. Interestingly enough, it was about relationships of all sorts and all ages. At first she started off with the younger kids, the teenagers... and then when we were to move on the the next age bracket, we were suddenly called to go on stage for our stage adjustment. I couldn't help but laugh at the funny timing because there's a couple of kids who could be put on the spot regarding their shared situation.

Well, surprise, surprise, I'm here at the Magallanes house right now with Mommy Val, Myrone, Carmela, Alvin and Joms, and after a short snack, I started arguing with the boys about not watching Evil Dead, then Mommy Val suddenly decided to continue her lecture on relationships.

I don't know if it was because it was the combination of the company present or what, but it was hilarious that it was us. Mommy Val talked about respect in relationships, be it romantic or professional and all that jazz. Then she mentioned that she may know our present situations, even if we tell her or not.

Now that got me thinking. What the heck does she know about me? And curious that I am, what does she know about him? And if neither one of us had told her anything, what does she notice about the two of us?

Anyway, I liked all of her points about respect for the other person, and for being professional. Regardless if you like the other person or not, you must respect him or her because you will never know that there may be at time that will come when you need to come to that person for something or anything.

Very interesting, indeed.

I do have my own issues with the other person, and I admit that. But sometimes it annoys the hell out of me that he makes it seem that I'm always the one in the wrong, that he himself is not doing anything wrong at all. Dude, you also have your own issues, and even the simple gesture of not greeting me as you greet everyone else in the room is a sign of disrespect of me. But I guess that's you own way of dealing with the situation. And I guess I have to respect that, jeez.

And I don't know if that was just a joke or what... But did I just hear the words love triangle? Who was Mommy Val trying to pinpoint?

Oh well, I guess we all have to learn to deal with all our little issues with each other because we all still have to work together.

Step Up To Freedom

It's the first time this year that I had lost my voice. I usually lose my voice at least 3 times a year. Oh welp.

So Step Up To Freedom was a great success. Sure, I had to sacrifice a lot of hours of sleep, but it was all worth it.

Before the weekend began, we coordinated all of our schedules for the Friday evening DTR, and for the day of the actual show on Saturday.

I had a huge feeling that I was about to lose my voice on Thursday evening, so I didn't even bother to dilly-dally with the others after rehearsal. On Friday morning, I was losing my voice by the hour at work. My voice had already changed at the end of my 4-hour shift. By the time Lebran class had rolled around, my voice had gotten worse. Thank goodness the Argentine Tango class got cancelled, so we spent the entire vacant time just hanging out in the studio to rest before we had to leave for Treston at 3pm. Myrone and Joms then took advantage of the time and the wifi to check out the Spurs-Heat game. After lunch, I just couldn't resist the super cold temperature so I snuggled into my jacket and just dozed off on one of the benches in the studio.

Our first batch (Sir Brando, Mommy Val, Myrone, Joms, Ate Deth, Baby Yo, and me) left at around 4pm for Treston. Then when we got to the venue, we started organizing the holding room for assigned dressing areas, hung wires where we can put our hangers on, distributed the costumes to each dancer's dressing area, and all that jazz.

I can only sum up that evening in a few words. Long wait. The DTR was supposed to begin at 8pm, right after setup was finished. But because setup got way too delayed, what time did we begin the DTR? Past midnight. And we ended at around 3 in the morning. My goodness, we ran through all the dances, WITHOUT air conditioning in the venue, but we all managed to barrel through everything. Some were already feeling nervous, and this was just the DTR. I told them that it's better to feel nervous now than during the actual show.

Tired, sweaty, and sleepy, we hauled ourselves back home. Thank goodness I easily managed to get a ride after Kuya Arnold had dropped me off at the EDSA-Ayala.

Because we had cancelled the Saturday morning Lebran class, we had a little more time to rest up before the big day. Our call time at Treston was at around 2pm, so we had agreed to meet up at MCS at around noon. Eventually it got extended to 12:30, hahaha.

The Nestle wives were already there at the holding room when we had arrived, having their hair and makeup already done by Ate Deth and Abby's mom. After settling in, we all got ready ourselves. I was still fixing my stuff to get ready when Abby had asked me how I was going to do my hair. As I already have my wig for the Bali Ha'i number, I would just put my hair up in a bun for the rest of the performance. But I had no idea how to properly do it, so thank goodness Abby had offered to help. So thank you so much, Abby girl. The bun stayed in place under my wig, and even until I got home.

Next, time for makeup. We occupied the big corner of counters in the ladies' room and got to work.

Now, I don't really hold a big collection of makeup as I'm not really that much of a kikay girl, but I did bring everything I can. And as expected, the girls dove into my makeup bags like some of them had already done when we were getting ready for the Dutch event last month. I was really particular about people using my makeup, because of the use of my own brushes and sponges. Thank goodness I came prepared and brought extra sponges, and let the girls also use the sponges in the compacts because I use my brushes instead. But this time, I kept a close eye on everything, in case I lose something, or even the whole bag (like what happened at the syllabus competition).

The time flew by when we were in the holding room, just getting ready, adding final touches, and all that stuff. Soon we were asked to go "backstage" to our quick change area, bringing along our costumes for the rest of the first part of the show. I had everything already set on the lid of my wig box, so I just carried that plus my costume.

I had no idea what time the actual show began. I was just suddenly aware that the invocation had already started playing, and we were all standing outside the door, ready to make our first entrance. Amazingly, I wasn't feeling even the tiniest bit nervous. Not even the night before. Is this normal?

During the first part of the show, I was actually enjoying the time on the floor. It felt different from my other performances in theater. Before, I was always nervous, I kept barreling through everything, and wanted to get everything over and done with, even though I had just started. But this time, it was the total opposite. I loved being out there with the other scholars.

There were videos shown all throughout the show. One was a video from last year's IDance event, and another of the interviews of some of our tenured scholars (Abby, Kim, Joms, Myrone, Alvin, Carmela, and Mark), plus footage of all of us in rehearsals, featuring each and every one of us. It was so amusing and surprising to see it, and I had to laugh when my name was spelled wrong (it's Christine, not Kristine).

The first part of the show ended with a bang, all due to that really good Latin number by most of the scholars.

The second part featured the cultural segment of the show. The rest of us who weren't part of Carinosa (the Viennese Waltz) had to stand by on the other side of the floor, as we had to enter from there for Aray, which was the next dance. While "waiting in the wings," I got to watch the Viennese waltz in amusement. It was beautiful, and the ladies' costumes (though not a fan of orange, I loved the design) moved so prettily that it was one of the few reasons I somehow wanted to dance in it.

After Aray was Mommy Val's Paseo de Iloilo dance with Sir Brando, Kuya Mauw and Mark. And immediately after that, Mommy Val went up onstage to give an inspirational message about the scholars. She called us to walk back onto the floor, and gave such a heartfelt message that brought tears to everyone's eyes. I swear, I'm not a crier, and most especially in public, but her message telling us that we were her heroes really touched me, and it took so much effort to keep my tears from spilling.

Our last dance numbers were back-to-back performances of the sayaw sa bangko and the tinikling, then the subli. From the very start, everyone had so much energy. Even though there was at least one minor fall in the first dance, the whole thing was almost perfect, and there was ample time for the 6 dancers to get into position for the final pose. And as for the tinikling, I remember Jayson and I had discussed the timing and positions with Myrone several times before the show because we had flubbed up the entire routine along with the dancers during the DTR the night before. Amazingly, the whole routine was perfect, right down to when we had to raise the bamboo poles over the dancers before the dance ended. Awesome! Even in the subli, even though I almost lost my footing near the end, I do believe I still gave it my all.

After the Magandang Gabi curtain call was our Lebran finale, and even though the whole thing was over, I never felt myself losing any amount of energy (despite the fact that I was still lacking sleep for about 2 weeks).

And just like that, the show was finally over.

By the way, super thank you to Erik and Josh who came to watch the show! Thanks for the awesome support and for hanging out with me at Starbucks until Erik was ready to crash.

I enjoyed this entire experience, as this is my first real show ever as a dancer. Even after losing so many hours of sleep, I'm so glad our hard work had finally paid off. I'm so grateful to IDance Foundation and Lebran Dance Fitness Experts for this awesome opportunity. And another good part about this? Unlike in theater, there are no withdrawal symptoms or separation anxiety, because I know I will still see these dancers every day.

Mommy Val's message to us during the show was so touching, as she had told us that we were her heroes. Mommy Val, I'd like to think otherwise. You, Sir Brando, and the rest of the Lebran team are my own heroes. I never could have kept on pursuing dance without you guys. Everyone's so supportive of each other that I've grown to love everyone. Here's to Lebran DFX and more shows to come.

Gearing up for Saturday's show.

There's only less than a week to go before our show. This is actually my first official show as a scholar, and I'm actually excited. We've been rehearsing, practicing and polishing our dances, and I don't really mind all the late nights, even if I still have to go to work early in the morning.

Before we had to leave the Guico unit at the Grove during our outing a couple of weekends ago, Mommy Val had asked us to write about our core-giftedness and dreams, as it will be included in the show's souvenir program.

I got to read all of my fellow scholars write-ups when I was tasked to photocopy them for Ma'am Ying. I realized that I was still somewhat well-off compared to them, and I really should consider myself lucky and be grateful at that. I may not have a sob story to tell unlike some of them, but what was similar among all of us is our passion to dance, and that somehow this avenue gave all of us some direction in our lives, regardless of how young or old we all are.

I remember certain reasons why I decided to keep on pursuing ballroom dancing. I loved my work in theater as an assistant stage manager, yet I don't think I would want to cut it as an actual stage manager in a big production. And of course, there's also that feeling that I forget everything that I've been thinking and worrying about when I dance, even just for one hour a day. And yes, one of those trivial things that I shouldn't even be thinking about involved an old flame. So I then used dancing as a means of escape, until I eventually fell in love with it completely.

Anyway, let's go back to the present, shall we?

We were told to rehearse our 3-minute costume change on Friday evening's rehearsal, and because our first number was Bali Ha'i (the Polynesian hula dance), we needed to rehearse fixing our hair from wearing it down to putting it up in a bun. Because I was still growing out my super short hair, I was thinking of getting either extensions or a wig from Landmark. When I told this to Mommy Val, she offered to bring her extensions, but because it has a different hair coloring, she said that I might have to color my own hair. It's a big no-no for me because I don't want to color my hair while I'm growing it out. But thanks to Roan, she gave me a really great tip off.

So that was how I ended up at the toycon at the Megatrade hall, and got a really nice wig at a discounted price. Super thanks, Roan and Lynelle House of Hair Fashion!

Yesterday was a pretty long day. We were first divided into 2 groups during the morning. Some of the more tenured scholars were taken to Rockwell to be interviewed for the show by Miguel (one of Mommy Val's twin sons) and Kerstin, while the rest of us stayed in the studio to polish our dances. When we were all together in the afternoon, it took 2 trips to Treston College for our dress rehearsal that evening, as we also had to transport the wooden benches (for the sayaw sa bangko) and the bamboo poles (for the tinikling).

We were taken to the big holding area upon arrival, and once we all had settled in and the costumes were organized, we all picked out our respective places and started getting ready for the dress rehearsal. Thank goodness I came prepared with dance shorts, because our costumes for the Bali Ha'i number were simple wraparound pieces of cloth, so it was easy to take a peek even though the fabric was already pinned together.

Anyway, after we were dressed, most of the time was spent just camwhoring and such. Miguel and Kerstin were just there, taking photos and videos of us prepping up, practicing certain dances and stuff.

The dress rehearsal began a little past 8 in the evening, and we ran through the entire part 1 of the program with little adjustment. It's nice how we all easily managed to pull off the quick changes. We didn't take a break anymore in between the two parts of the program, and went straight to part 2. After our first couple of dance numbers, we all ended up changing costumes immediately until I had remembered that we weren't supposed to change costumes just yet, and reminded the others about it. Thank goodness Sir Brando just noted it and kept going. Maybe we'll rehearse it in the dress tech next Friday anyway. The cultural folk dances seemed a little more tricky, but I was pretty grateful that we had polished those dances earlier that day.

After the entire dress rehearsal was done, we got to eat our late dinner outside the venue, then headed back to the holding area to fix all of our stuff before we called it a day.

So this is will be my first official performance as a dancer, and it would be very nice if some of you guys would come watch.

The event is a fundraiser under Idance Foundation, called Step Up To Freedom. It will be on Saturday, June 22nd, at Treston International College in Bonifacio Global City, Taguig. Cocktails will be served at 4:30pm, show proper will begin at 6:00pm. If you're interested to buy tickets, just text me or leave me a message on my Facebook.

Hope to see you there!

Back from a month-long blogging hiatus.

My goodness, I haven't updated this blog in a month. Was I that busy? Yes, actually. Other than my part-time job in the early morning, I've been spending most of my waking hours at the dance studio 6 days a week.

I had mentioned in my previous blog post that we've been prepping up for a show under the I-Dance foundation, which will be coming up on the 22nd. There will be a Latin routine, a couple of standard routines, plus a Polynesian hula dance and even some cultural folk dances. So yes, despite the fact that we scholars are ballroom dancers, we had to learn to dance the Polynesian hula plus some had to do some local folk dances.

There were a few times when there was a missing female dancer either in the Viennese waltz, and even the salsa, that I had to fill in for that person. I had no problem dancing the salsa, because it's one of my favorite social dances, plus I've been to every practice session. It's the Viennese waltz that I had a little problem with because I never got to watch or sit in during their practices, so every time I had to fill in for someone who wasn't there, I always had a hard time to keep up with the steps, even if my partner for that day did all his best to lead me.

One time, I had told Abby I hoped that they will be complete on one upcoming Saturday. She, in turn, told me that I shouldn't be complaining about filling in for anyone because it's a good opportunity to learn all these dances to hone my dancing skills. She did have a point, but I wasn't really complaining. I guess I just didn't want to look like a fool during practice, and even more, make my partner look like a bigger fool of himself.

Other than that, I'm having fun despite the long hours of staying in vicinity of Makati Cinema Square, inside and outside the dance studio. It's been pretty fun hanging out and bonding with the people I'm always with, regardless of their age.

To cap the summer, a bunch of us planned a swimming outing. Initially, we had planned to take a day trip to Sea Breeze, but one day, Abby had brought it up with Mommy Val, and after we had hung out at Mommy Val's unit in Rockwell, plans had changed and Mommy had suggested a different plan, which was an overnight outing, this time at The Grove.

So after our Saturday practices, we all headed to Magallanes to hear the anticipated mass, then we were off to The Grove. We spent the evening crammed in the Guico apartment, eating, drinking and watching TV until the wee hours of morning. Then after breakfast the following morning, we headed off downstairs to the pool for a day of swimming.

If you know me well, you know that I'm not very comfortable baring my skin. I'm very insecure when it comes to my body. Especially when this group had started teasing me by calling me "crispy pata" due to my thunder thighs that's not proportional to the rest of my body. But even with that, I guess there's no other choice because everyone was baring it with their swimwear, so I had to deal with it.

Speaking of dealing with it, it's a perfect segue to my next topic. So I recently got friendzoned again. And yes, it was the same guy I was talking about in a blog post a couple of months ago. So yes, I have to deal with seeing him and working with him practically every day of the week, and with the fact that he knows that I like him doesn't make it much easier because he believes that avoidance is the easy way to keep the teasing at bay.

Seriously? Avoiding me? How can we possibly work together with that? To avoid the teasing, I do my own share of trying as much as possible to be far away from him as I can, but sometimes I feel offended because even though it can be a possible resolution to lessen all that teasing, it's like he's not even respecting me as a person anymore due to his actions. Turning his back to me when I try to talk to him, being the only person in the room not being greeted by him, and saying out loud that we will never get along.

As I had said on Facebook, when you keep saying that we will never get along, it's like you're already concluding that we will never get along, ever. Deny it all you want, but avoidance is not a resolution, but a way of not even trying to get along.

Oh welp, I just have to learn to deal with this. But he has to know that he has to learn to deal with this better, too.

So how are you, guys? Yes, you reading this blog. Feel free to comment.

Busy, but updating.

I'm the type of person who can honestly say that I can't dance to save my life. I never saw myself as a dancer, and I moved in frustration during dance and choreo days of musical theater workshops.

Contrary to that, I can't believe that I've been dancing ballroom for a year now. And a scholar at that.

It's almost been a month now since I've become the newest scholar under Lebran Dance Fitness Experts. Sir Brando and Mommy Val had also put me in the core group along with Myrone and Joemari, as I've already been helping them out with promoting Lebran as much as I can.

So instead of just attending my Tuesday-Thursday morning classes from before, I've been going to the studio everyday, attending as much classes as I can, including Lebran, and sometimes I even learn and dance the gentleman's part if there isn't enough male scholars to be paired off with the female students.

I also got to dance with the scholars for the first time a couple of Saturdays ago. It was just a little show that served as a proposal for the Latin ball. Due to that, I had put in extra hours in the studio to practice for that performance.

I've realized that being here really requires so much commitment and passion, probably even much more that where I was before. I don't really mind, actually. I'm learning to love ballroom dancing much, much more than I had expected, and I love the fact that I'm learning so much from my mentors, and even from my fellow younger scholars.

I've also been told during my first core group meeting that eventually, I really will be handling my own Lebran classes. Oh my.

So what else have I been up to? Last Tuesday evening, a bunch of us (plus Sir Brando and Mommy Val) were invited by the Dutch ambassador's wife to execute a flash mob at their event at the Manila Peninsula Hotel (to celebrate the inauguration for the new king of the Netherlands).

Now we're currently prepping up for the IDance show next month. So far, a group has been practicing a Viennese waltz twice a week, Sir Brando is practicing with a boys for a rumba number every afternoon, while Mommy Val is teaching us girls the hula for another number.

My goodness, the hula. It's actually amusing that we're learning another genre of dance.

Anyway, so I've been spending so much time in the studio with the scholars than with anyone else lately. The younger scholars are all pretty talented, and pretty fun to be with during class as well as outside, but sometimes I feel as if I need to to isolate myself, as I feel saturated being with kids almost all the time. Sometimes their hype and their attitudes can be a little too overbearing. I honestly don't have time for any bull, as I'm too old for that, so I need to isolate myself. Don't get me wrong, I do love every one of them to bits. And other than that, I love being where I am now.

So what about you, dear reader of this blog, how are you? Feel free to comment.