On reformatting, letting go, and looking back.

My computer was slowing down more and more lately that I had to wait a really long time just for it to boot or to just even open a single application. So I knew I had to take out a lot of my junk, reformat the hard drive and re-install Windows and every program that I've been using. It took quite a while to review all the files I had and transfer all that I needed to an external source. I had managed to fit my stuff into a flash drive, and decided that I didn't really need the rest, as I had only saved them "for future references" and all that crap. Hahaha, for those who know me well, I'm a very sentimental and clingy person who saves even the tiniest bit of stuff. So anyway, after a deep breath, I rebooted my computer to prep it up for reformatting. Hahaha, goodbye old stuff. Clean slate again.

It felt so refreshing not just to have a computer working properly, but also the fact that I had let go of so many junk that I shouldn't have kept all this time. I had folders full of photos and documents that I had saved "just because" but shouldn't, and I now felt relieved to finally be rid of them. It felt great to let go of old stuff. Past is past, kumbaga, hehe.

Speaking of letting go, it kind of irks me that some people can't seem to let go of certain issues. I had already stopped after that one big burst, didn't I? Tapos na pagkatapos nun. Yung ibang tao lang ang bumabalik dun. Lumalabas lang ulit pag uungkatin mo eh. So I'd end up breathing in and out again one time, but then over na ulit. Back to life ulit. Alam naman ng mga tao kung gaano ako kabait maski may umaway sakin. Isang deep breath lang, then tapos na. Bakit nga ba ako ang pinipiling pagtripan kung marami rin namang iba diyan ang mga nang-aaway? Bakit ako ang piniling idamay sa issue ng iba? Dahil ba sa alam ng tao na hindi ko talaga sasaktan ang mga umaaway sakin at sa mga kaibigan ko? Because I seem weak? Dahil masyado raw akong mabait? Ang sa akin lang, ang silence ko is my peace offering. I don't want to spend my entire lifetime building and keeping grudges. Yun na yun. Tapos na. I love all my friends, and because of this effort of letting this out, alam niyo na I still want to be friends. Nakakapagod magtampo at pwede ba, sana mapagod na ang mga plastic sa mga ugali nila.

Hay.

Anyway.

I went back to another old blog entry again, going back as far as seven years ago, hahaha. During an OJT for a professional production in the Meralco theater (August of 2002), I had been tasked to man one of the headsets in the middle of the show's month-long run. During the beginning of the run, I was basically just handling some manual labor, pulling rope cords (and getting rope burn during every show), holding, pulling and shoving huge set pieces, and doing little odd jobs for the cast, SM and DSM. When a script of the play that included a running list of tasks had been handed to me to study, I was excited and scared at the same time. I had no idea how to cue the other crew members and actors, and my voice was quiet and timid over the headset. But thankfully the DSM was nice enough to talk me through it during my first show. After a couple more shows, I managed to cue and speak over the headset with (a little bit of) confidence, and for one show, I even managed to do the headset tasks alongside my old work because the DSM and tech director had been out sick, hahaha. It was my first time to do really fast-paced work backstage, and I knew it was something I could do professionally. I loved it.

I was chatting with Rain during the wee hours this morning. It's been ages since we last had a real conversation, so it was really great catching up on each other's news online. We even looked back at our thesis (and restaging) antics. After updating him on our other friends, we suddenly slipped into "true confessions" mode, hahahaha. To quote the both of us, "OH MY GAD." Yun na lang, hehe. Rain, I missed you! We really have to hang out and talk sometime.