Birthday blues.

Wrote this earlier this evening on my phone.

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This must be the lousiest birthday I've had ever. First, I had to deal with an empty promise. My naive self kept things open in cast something might come through. But nope, I should've learned by now to not hold on to things like that. So I'm still left up in the air.

I've also disappointed myself in another aspect. I knew I was confident enough to handle foolproof things such as those, so I should know better than to get rattled. Hearing such feedback (at least twice in the span of an hour) made me want to crawl under a rock and stay there forever.

Then if things weren't bad enough, I had a close call with a holdup situation aboard the bus home that I was on.

By the time I was home and had lunch with my parents, I just lay on my bed and cried. I realized that this is truly my loneliest birthday to date. I had zero plans in the evening because I led myself on into thinking that I actually had something to do, something to look forward to, but when that fell through, I suddenly felt miserable. Nothing was going right on my most special day of the year. And to rub it even more in my face, the person that I just had to share my thoughts with about this day failed to empathize, and didn't even try, as if that person didn't care (and you still owe me big time). Oh, 2010, you've already been a bummer from the very start, so I guess you just had to be consistent with it, huh?

After I had a good cry, I gave my spirits a tiny boost by peering at the birthday greetings I found on my Facebook wall (after a frustrating wait because of the lousy connection). At least I know there are still friends out there who still care and love me. So that's when I decided to quit lying there waiting for something to happen.

So I treated myself to a simple solo night out. Dinner at the place I was craving for (a tad pricey, but for a heavy meal, it was worth it), then caught Voyage of the Dawn Treader in 3D.

And now, armed with a chai tea latte, I'm writing this blog entry's draft while sitting by my lonesome in one of the many Starbucks branches along Ayala, trying (or maybe just pretending, even) to contemplate and think about how things came to this--spending my birthday evening alone.

What the heck. This is just a bad day like all the other bad days I've had this year. Maybe it just had more impact because it just happened to fall on the day of my birthday. So maybe I'll just celebrate my birthday on another day. I'll still push through with the Intramuros tour next week, and I must find a way to go out of town (most likely just by myself) for a few days after the new year comes in. I'm still trying to decide between 3 places.