Intimidated

"Hogi, umaarte ka pala?"
"Uhm... Oo?"
"Kasi lagi kitang nakikitang nanonood lang eh."

Well, hindi naman kasi mataas ang confidence level ko pagdating sa pag arte. Hindi naman ako kagalingan katulad ng mga nakakasama ko.

Yep, there we go again. (English muna. Mas madali eh, hehe.)

I've always been insecure about myself. I've said that before in one of my most recent entries. Part of the reason is that I easily get intimidated by the people around me.

That's why I never seemed to grow as much as I had expected, back in my early workshopping years with Playshop. I know I'm with my friends and all, but I also know how good they already are. The tough part there is that each group is too big that only a few people get to stand out. Well, among other things, hehehe. That's why I never got to grow as much as I wanted to. Or did I choose not to because I was intimidated by them? Yep, maybe that's it.

When I decided to take workshops again, this time at TP, it was a fresh start. All of us, actually. That's where I finally learned to grow as an actor as I finally learned to shed my inhibitions. Everyone there always had a chance to shine. Hahaha, parang ang tagal mong nakasalang sa acting area if you don't get it the first time around. Plus I met a whole lot of different people coming from different walks of life, with a huge passion for the craft.

Well, not that I'm not grateful for the past workshops. I've learned so much from them as well. But of course, you have to learn as well as unlearn to grow. Heck, during my first week in BA, I had to relearn a whole lot due to some habits that I had picked up from before. I was even called burgis because of how I spoke. In AMT, one of my teachers had even quipped about what I had learned from before, hahaha.

Pero ganun pa rin (ay, bumalik sa Tagalog), pa-shy pa rin ako pagdating sa kakayahan kong umarte. Intimidated by the people around me. Lagi kong sinasabi na ang dami kong pagkukulang. Pero mas hungry ako ngayon para matuto. Babalik din ako diyan. Siguro kulang lang ng drive noon. Ika nga ni Roeder, "May takot ka pa rin kasi eh. You really have to want it."