Notebook entries

I started keeping small notebooks in my bags, ready to be whipped out in case I chance upon something blogworthy. I stopped doing so last year, and I got around to keeping a brand new one just this month. Time to unload what I wrote.

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I've forgotten how crazy encoding subjects can get. Especially when you have it done manually. I had to secure a form, dodge the other kids just so I can see the available subjects for next term, list them all, then I had to have my form signed by the chairperson. Rawr. Well, that's life for the late enrollees, I guess.

Before online enlistment arrived in our school, I always had the schedule that I wanted and always got to the registrar on the very first day of encoding. Oh, the perks of our school orgs, hahaha. I was ever so grateful to Macy for always keeping me in mind when she had the list for early enrollees.

Funny, next term I'll be under the professor that made history with us a few years ago by flunking our entire class. Hopefully, it'll be fun this time. Not that we hated this prof. He was actually pretty cool, and we all parted in good terms. Hey, we all passed when we repeated his class, plus I got to work with him (well, not exactly with him directly) for a bunch of productions.

Hahaha, I never thought I'd see the day when Peachy and I will finally be classmates. And to think that I was the one who got her to take the same course back when she was still in high school--while I was already doing my thesis, hahaha!

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At the Altar Boyz presscon, I found myself standing next to Lorna, and she commented on how I was doing since I resigned from work. In a way, I seemed different. How different? Happier? Crazier? I think she had said that my more creative side came out since I stopped working.

I also found myself walking alongside her sister, Weng, who had also asked how I was doing, and what my summer plans are. When I mentioned the upcoming workshops, she said, "So you're going to give the acting thing a shot?"

I'm just gonna give it a shot?

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AJ had asked Red if he could take a video of him inviting people to watch Altar Boyz. Red had said that the show will be "a boatload of fun," hahahaha!

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It was pretty hot this afternoon when Tad had dropped by. Because we got envious of my mom who went to Zambales for a high school reunion that had a swimming party, we decided to head on over to the clubhouse for a swim. Heck, it was only 3 blocks away from my house, anyway.

Too bad we waited until it got a little cooler so we can walk in comfort. We only had an hour and a half in the pool because it was going to close due to some private party. Maybe next week we can come back and stay longer.

I had also mentioned that I missed eating at a Burger Machine, even though there was one across from the clubhouse. Hahaha, I just love simple pleasure like these, and when we went to his place and I found all those street food. So off we went to Burger Machine for a bite after swimming. Yay, hahaha.

Meeting the Altar Boyz

"So, do you always go to bloggers' events?"
"Not really, no. I'm more inclined to theater events."

I got to attend the Altar Boyz press conference yesterday at Greenbelt 3's MyCinema, thanks to Gibbs Cadiz. I was running a little late, but by the time I got there, nothing had started yet.

The first familiar face I saw the moment I stepped into the venue was AJ! Haha, yay, thank goodness I have a friend there as well. As it turned out, not only was he invited by Gibbs like I was, but he was also invited by Lorna as well. As it turned out, most of these people were regular bloggers who regularly attend these events. I was one of the newbies, hahaha. But fortunately for me, I'm no stranger to theater (duh).

Thank goodness there was complimentary coffee and food. I was in such a rush to get to the venue that I had forgotten to eat.

After a while, the 5 Altar Boyz emerged and mingled with us. A whole bunch got to talk with them regarding the show, trying their best to answer everyone's questions as they laughed and joked around.

On Chevy's first theater stint...
Chevy: Who here has seen The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe?
*insert sound of crickets*
Me: (*head appearing behind AJ*) Uhm... I did.
Chevy: You... You actually saw lots of it... in 2002.

Hahaha! He just had to say that. What I actually meant was that I first got to watch him in the show's run back in 1998, when he had played Edmund. Then I got an OJT during its 2002 run, when he played a Tree Spirit, the Blue Squirrel, and of course, a very remarkable Peter.

After more talk and photo ops, we all filed inside the theater for the press conference. The 5 boys performed 2 songs from the show, then there was an open forum where anyone can ask them and Chari some questions about the show.

When asked by one audience member about their own [spiritual] insight on the play, everyone had their own say.

Red Concepcion (Mark, the "sensitive" guy)
- Praising God in any way you can.
- It's also about acceptance.

Reb Atadero (Juan, the Latino lover)
- Faith can go a long way.
- At the end of the day, it can be a fulfilling experience.

Reuben Uy, AKA Ryu (Luke, the bad boy)
- We need others in order to nurture us.

PJ Valerio (Matthew, the "leader")
- While you're young, you should already learn about God.

Chevy Mercado (Abraham, the lone Jew)
- We have to stick together, be a team.
- There are no solo artists; we have to support each other.
- It's pretty much a family; you can't go through it yourself.

Chari Arespacochaga
- It's a musical comedy.
- It brings you to a place where you can delight in your faith.
- It's about faith and friendship, but nothing heavy and preachy about it.
- There's no branding [on people,] whatsoever
- Being instruments of God's work.

Joy Virata
- It's a light-hearted look at religion.

After the open forum, we all headed out of the theater again. Even though the event was sort of over, we still got to manage to mingle with the cast.

When most of the people were leaving, I decided to leave as well along with AJ, Gibbs, and a bunch of other bloggers. Abby, one of the bloggers that I had met, ended up at the rear of the crowd along with me. As it turned out, she had no idea what the bloggers do after an event, like I did, hahaha. We decided to tag along at first, but we got shy at the same time when we all arrived at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. She said that she had to go home, so after saying goodbye to Gibbs and the gang, I left as well, heading back to school in a rush. It was great to meet all of them, though. Hope I get to hang out with them another time. I was quite the wallflower the whole time we were at MyCinema.

By the way, Rem Zamora had also said that Repertory Philippines have the rights to Altar Boyz for a year. Huwaw. So I guess they're planning to tour it all over the country if they can. Coolness.

Another plug, hahaha. Lorna Lopez is selling tickets to the show's 3:30pm show on April 26th (Saturday). You can contact her through the following details:
Globe: 0917-9256505
Sun Cellular: 0922-3875729
Email: cranegoddesscorp@gmail.com

Still interested? Altar Boyz will run from April 4 - 27, 2008, every Friday at 8pm, Saturday at 3:30pm and 8pm, and Sunday at 3:30pm, at OnStage Theater, Greenbelt 1, Makati.
Ticket prices are P550 (Gold), P350 (Silver) and P250 (Balcony).

Of cookies and milk, and secrets

"Can you keep a secret?"

I always try to catch the 7th Heaven marathon every year during Holy Week's Black Saturday, but I found out that it was showing for 2 whole days this year (Maundy Thursday and Good Friday). I only got to watch the episodes during Friday afternoon, which drove my mom crazy because she kept seeing the same characters on TV over and over again. Uh, yeah, that's why it's a marathon.

Anyway, one episode involved the twins, Sam and David, and how they managed to listen to secrets from the rest of the family members with the use of Oreo cookies and milk. Hahaha, every time they offer one person a cookie, they all sit down with a glass of milk and talk about secrets.

For the entire episode, some secrets spill out over milk and cookies and these twins are on the receiving end of it all. Oh, the power of Oreos and milk.

Suddenly I got a craving for Oreos and milk and made a run for the nearby supermarket this afternoon. Yay. Hmmm... I'll keep the first package to myself and share the 2nd one. I don't think I have the capacity to listen to secrets at this hour.

It's funny. I remember being everyone's secret-keeper. Always being the quiet listener, I always end up being the one to listen to certain secrets. From trivial things like crushes, to the most outrageous ones. One person would utter something over YM, another would pour out other things over coffee. Sometimes a bunch of us would be sitting in a condo or at some fast food joint, and I would find bits and pieces behind everything. Heck, one person even turned me into a human diary, hahaha! I got so crazy with all these secrets that in case that I would explode, I quickly wrote them down into a different blog that a bunch of people are already dying to hack into.

I could actually write a book about all those stories. Blind items and anonymity galore. I've collected 4 years worth of secrets and stories, including my own dirty little stuff. A combination of PostSecret and Gossip Girl, nyahahay. Eep, maybe not. If those stories get out, there'll be a whole bunch of people after me, hahaha.

It feels pretty good that my friends trust me enough with their secrets. Being quite the secretive person that I am, I've learned to trust other people only recently. Crazy, isn't it?

===================================

OK, I know I'm not done with those blogs that some of you guys mentioned in one of my entries. I promise to write about those as soon as I can.

But here's a dare to any of you who are gutsy enough. I dare you guys to tell me one thing you trust me enough to keep. You can PM me if you don't even want to put it down as a comment here. Who knows, it could be some weight off your chest.

Nyak, that sounded pathetic. Maybe it's the cookies talking. But who knows (again), there could be some of you crazy enough that's willing to talk.

Cookies and milk, anyone?

Stop.

What is it with you guys? Feeling niyo kilala niyo na ang tao, pero hindi. Joke kayo ng joke ng ganyan, paulit-ulit na, nakakasawa na. You don't even know the person personally, tapos ganyan kayo. Bibinyagan niyo pa ng kung anu-anong pangalan. Akala niyo nakakatawa kayo. You're not being funny at all. Maski ako nasasaktan dahil sa ginagawa niyo sa taong yun. You're being downright rude and tactless.

So stop it. It's not funny.

Of cookies and milk, and secrets.

"Can you keep a secret?"

I always try to catch the 7th Heaven marathon every year during Holy Week's Black Saturday, but I found out that it was showing for 2 whole days this year (Maundy Thursday and Good Friday). I only got to watch the episodes during Friday afternoon, which drove my mom crazy because she kept seeing the same characters on TV over and over again. Uh, yeah, that's why it's a marathon.

Anyway, one episode involved the twins, Sam and David, and how they managed to listen to secrets from the rest of the family members with the use of Oreo cookies and milk. Hahaha, every time they offer one person a cookie, they all sit down with a glass of milk and talk about secrets.

For the entire episode, some secrets spill out over milk and cookies and these twins are on the receiving end of it all. Oh, the power of Oreos and milk.

Suddenly I got a craving for Oreos and milk and made a run for the nearby supermarket this afternoon. Yay. Hmmm... I'll keep the first package to myself and share the 2nd one. I don't think I have the capacity to listen to secrets at this hour.

It's funny. I remember being everyone's secret-keeper. Always being the quiet listener, I always end up being the one to listen to certain secrets. From trivial things like crushes, to the most outrageous ones. One person would utter something over YM, another would pour out other things over coffee. Sometimes a bunch of us would be sitting in a condo or at some fast food joint, and I would find bits and pieces behind everything. Heck, one person even turned me into a human diary, hahaha! I got so crazy with all these secrets that in case that I would explode, I quickly wrote them down into a different blog that a bunch of people are already dying to hack into.

I could actually write a book about all those stories. Blind items and anonymity galore. I've collected 4 years worth of secrets and stories, including my own dirty little stuff. A combination of PostSecret and Gossip Girl, nyahahay. Eep, maybe not. If those stories get out, there'll be a whole bunch of people after me, hahaha.

It feels pretty good that my friends trust me enough with their secrets. Being quite the secretive person that I am, I've learned to trust other people only recently. Crazy, isn't it?

===================================

OK, I know I'm not done with those blogs that some of you guys mentioned in one of my entries. I promise to write about those as soon as I can.

But here's a dare to any of you who are gutsy enough. I dare you guys to tell me one thing you trust me enough to keep. You can PM me if you don't even want to put it down as a comment here. Who knows, it could be some weight off your chest.

Nyak, that sounded pathetic. Maybe it's the cookies talking. But who knows (again), there could be some of you crazy enough that's willing to talk.

Cookies and milk, anyone?

Trivial moments.

"If you guys have been talking about me, I'd appreciate it if you tell it to me straight."

Sound familiar?

Was talking on the phone with a close friend yesterday. Basically about school matters, then we segued into other topics, such as developing an old idea. Eventually, that topic had other things attached. And then it was about the same thing again.

We began talking about how our pal had changed. We've been talking about this since... I have no idea when. Even our other dear friend from their own tight triumvirate had noticed it. What's tough about all this is that no matter how much we talk about it, no matter how many times we try to clue that friend in, nothing will change. Oh well, that's life.

So what will it be? Tell it to you straight? Or should we just keep talking about you?

Tough.

Oh, forget it. Let's just talk about it over coffee as you promised.

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I had meant to blog about finally finding closure last month, but I never got around to doing so. It was pretty amusing. How appropriate for it to happen at that time of the year. And the other person was oblivious to it.

If only it were that easy with the others.

Tough.

At least close na tayo ulit.

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Why am I anxious about certain get-togethers and reunions? Is it because I haven't been with those certain people as often as they expected, or even as often as I wanted to? It's a mix of uneasiness and eagerness.

I wonder if most of them will come.

Of course I'm excited to see these people. These are my friends. We were pretty tight before. Maybe there's uneasiness because I'm afraid that I might have changed so much. And I wonder how much of them has changed.

Tough.

At least I will still get to see the gang again.

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"Bakit mahal mo ako?"

Parang ang simpleng sagutin diba?

Happiness can be found during a simple afternoon, sitting on the couch, talking about a wide variety of topics from the most mundane to the most profound.

And there's also pasta, made complete with a dash of love. =)

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There are so many things I want to say to different people right now. But my mind's still a mess.

But hey, that inspired me to write another blog entry. Maybe tomorrow.

The other things you guys suggested that I blog about will follow soon. =)

Well, well, well, look at that, it's 2 am again, hahaha.

Dare you to dare me.

Got this from Tricia's LJ...

Everyone has things they blog about. Everyone has things they don't blog about. Challenge me out of my comfort zone by telling me something I don't blog about, but you'd like to hear about, and I'll write a post about it. Ask for anything: latest movie watched, last book read, political leanings, thoughts on tv, favorite type of underwear, stories I'm working on, travel, etc. Repost in your own journal so that we can all learn more about each other.

Go!
 

Drifting. Away.

"Magsasawa rin yan."
"I know. Kilala ko yan. It's another phase. Happens all the time."
"Kaya nga mas gusto ko na mag-isa na lang lagi eh."

"Alam mo, nakakapagod na magtampo."

That last line courtesy of a close friend. Every year, at least one of our conversations would consist of that line. Because it always applied to us and a bunch of people, hahaha.

Now, I'm pretty much used to it already. Hence the first quotes above.

My last brooding episode was pretty trivial, I admit, and it was also partly my fault, as I had admitted it to that particular friend.

It's tough when friends drift apart. But it can't be avoided. Everything changes, right? The tough part of all of this is when you don't feel that close to them anymore.

I have friends who, even though we haven't seen or talked to each other in ages, act as if no such time had passed. As if we had only seen each other a couple of days ago. The bond is still there.

There are others that are the complete opposite. When you get together after quite some time, it seems that all you can afford to do is do small talk. There's nothing left to talk about after that.

A close friend admitted that to me about another close friend of ours. He said that he ran into our other friend, but it felt completely different. Small talk, weird efforts to quip, then... dead air and our good ol' pal suddenly leaves, with a new posse in tow. See ya. *sigh*

But to quote an advice written as a comment in one of my previous blog entries, "Just be thankful for the time that you were friends... sometimes that's just the way it is."

I wonder how a couple of reunions I'm looking forward to will be like.

To those friends I had in mind that had inspired this entry, mahal na mahal ko pa rin kayo.

Oh, the thinks you can think... at 2 in the morning, hahaha.

Visiting Atlantis.

Dropped by the Atlantis office early this afternoon. I still hadn't gotten my last paycheck, and I only found the opportunity to go to that area today.

By the time I reached Legazpi St., it felt pretty funny to be walking along that road again, specially at that time of the day. Plus I was walking towards the office in a different direction.

First familiar face was the same manong guard that greeted me every morning. When I was a few steps away from the office, I was surprised that the door was wide open, and Bobby, Ate Sally and Lawyn were all in perfect view. As it turned out, the entire office was being repainted. There were new changes over the past couple of months. They finally got a warehouse where all props and costumes would be stored (no more mountain climbing in the back of the office!), and they got a couple more mobile phones for Cinderella concerns. Then they're purchasing a new desktop computer. Plus I think a new addition will be in for training soon.

I can't believe I spent a good 2 years with Atlantis. I had expected to last for only one production, but I was there not only during Beauty and The Beast, but I also witnessed the progress of Doubt, Avenue Q (including its 2nd run), Dogeaters, and even a bit of Seussical (though I never did get to watch this one), plus the auditions for The King and I Asian Tour. I never really learned the marketing aspect in a production back in school, but I learned a lot about it working there. I learned about persistence and patience. I even learned how to get around the entire Metro Manila, hahaha!

I miss...

... Ate Sally's texts almost every morning, asking me to buy breakfast from Jollibee or Burger King (when it was still open).
... her playful punches whenever she comes across an annoying caller.
... her niece Gen's visits during summer vacations.
... Kuya Boni's "Ako ang bahala" excuses.
... his crazy stories and gossip.
... Bobby's quips and merciless teasing.
... his several one-liner emails of to-do lists per day.
... Lawyn's ADHD moments and Nacho overload cravings.
... the suppressed laughter due to certain phone calls.
... the 3 o'clock merienda that we always have to have, haha.
... cutting up clippings and print ads of our shows off every newspaper we can find.
... printing out and faxing proposal letters to sponsors, and then bugging (or stalking) each contact person endlessly through landline, mobile and email.
... updating directories and list of prospective and official sponsors.
... having to answer both telephones at once during ticket selling.
... having to walk to Shang just to get the office key.
... reminding visitors that they have to turn the doorknob the other way because of the way it was installed.
... having at least 2 different accountants every year.
... Ate Janine's "Wag mong sasaktan ang sarili mo" every time one of us leaves.
... "mountain climbing" in the makeshift stockroom in the back just because someone needs one piece of costume or prop.
... calling Sir Raul at RCBC to check the auditorium's availability.
... still calling Sir Raul for last minute gate passes and faxes.
... finding ways to curb our boredom on slow days.
... the annual Christmas "road trip" with Kuya Boni to deliver mango torts and bread puddings.
... free food and other good stuff from sponsors.
... counting programs and other merchandise sold per show.
... ever reliable ushers from BlueRep (and their appetites, hahaha!)
... the episodes we encounter at the front-of-house.

Oh, the list can go on forever. I miss all the craziness I experienced while working for Atlantis. But of course, certain priorities must come first. Must finish my degree first, then see if I can still act, hahaha.

Still trying to be nice.

A friend told this to me a few days ago, after ranting about something I had just observed.

"I like it that you're mean, Hogi."

I guess it means that I've shown people that I'm human (hahaha). I've been a human doormat for almost my entire life. I was too nice. Hardly anyone had seen me mad or annoyed or upset.

While everyone was being plastic around me, I shrugged them off. I hated it, but I didn't want to do anything about it so I don't have to cause any more trouble. But I also learned to be plastic. While they show off that they're all look like Little Miss Sunshine 24 hours a day and then turn away with a different attitude, I just smile. Kung plastic ka, mas plastic pa ako sa iyo.

When someone was harassing me for something that wasn't even my fault, I apologized for the a-hole, when both these people should be apologizing to me. I shouldn't have done that. It still seemed like I was the one at fault. So when the harassment continued, I decided to not do anything. "People like that enjoy it more when you react." So deadma. There. They got sick of it. Nagsawa rin kayo no? The apology suddenly came years after.

"Masyado kang mabait, Hogi," more people tell me. Naman, ang hirap magpakatotoo sa mga mundong yun na ginalawan ko eh. Kaibigan ko nga ba talaga sila? O nagpapasikat lang ang mga ito?

When I finally learned to wear my heart on my sleeve, I felt so much better. I was with friends who were on the same wavelength. They can read me like a book. Di na ako plastic, though I was pretty transparent (hahaha, labo). I guess I was having a hard time para magpakatotoo because I was such a people-pleaser. I wanted to be in that in-crowd. Jeez. That sounded so pathetic.

It's so funny every time I sit down and talk with these friends of mine. It made me easier to know who are the people I can trust. I learned how to open up as well as let out some steam. I used to clam everything up, but now I'm learning. I used to be so secretive, that I never even shared a bit of advice. Now I begin those with, "I may be wrong, but..."

But sometimes, I suddenly go on auto-pilot. Nagiging madaldal ako. "Mag-ingat ka, baka kung sino na ang natatamaan mo." Eep. One more lesson to learn. Even if you stop being a people-pleaser, you still have to learn to be tactful.

Yep, it's not only in a few aspects where you have to learn and unlearn things. It's something we all do every day.

OK, this kind of post means I have to get some sleep now. Hahaha.

Thinking again.

You're right. If it weren't for you, I would still be there. I would be miserable and I still wouldn't have a spine.

Because of you, I learned how to set my priorities straight. I managed to take risks, and take action on what needs to be done. I learned how to value my own opinions and stand up for myself.

Thank you.

Missing people. So true.

Quote from a friend:

"Funny, sometimes you don't realize you miss someone till you actually talk or see them."

I totally agree with you, Joe. Miss you! I promise I'll be back for the homecoming!


Another person I miss... Belated happy birthday, Jill! Hope to see you after holy week!

Crashing the AC recital.

Last Thursday was the AC's recital of their voice and dance classes, so I headed directly to CCP after wandering about in the SDA building, as I feel more at home killing time in CCP. Got there a little too early, so even after Paulo had told me to go ahead to the conference room when I ran into him at the entrance, I headed off to Star City for some cheap food, hahaha.

When I finally went inside the conference room, I had forgotten that the AC got this potluck thing going, so there were lots of food there as well, hahaha. Only the AC, their voice teacher Thea, Paulo and Jerald were there, so I grabbed a bunch of macaroons, yum. Tad had borrowed Junjun's PSP that day, so while the AC rehearsed their songs with Paulo one by one, I was hogging the darn console playing Dragonball, hahaha.

Paulo had appointed me as his page turner that night, so I didn't really get to watch each performance. I did get to watch their dance numbers, though. One hiphop number opened the recital. Each scholar, apprentice and member contributed to the choreography. Reminded me of that exercise in last year's musical theater workshop, when we tackled the 8 basic efforts. Each of us had to contribute one movement to create a dance. A dance that was labeled "Variations" (hey, that was what was written in the sequence guide we had at the piano) closed the show.

The songs they sang for the recital were songs from musicals, hahaha. "You Can Drive A Person Crazy" is one of my favorite songs, and I guess they pulled it off, judging from the laughter from the meager audience we had, haha. Half the people skipped lines, so Paulo and I kept flipping the scores back and forth. Hey, at least they managed to pull it off despite all mental blocks. Even Tad, teeheehee.

Haha, Ric was also there to watch to support his wife's students. I think he enjoyed it except during one part when Tad had caught him frowning.

Anyway.

I was cleaning my room last night out of boredom and I cam across an old notebook. It was one of the "note-passing notebooks" Rosa and I had during our freshman year in high school. We lucked out sitting near each other the entire school year that it was easy enough to whisper and talk, but because we were such goody-goodies then, we decided to just pass notes. We started out with intermediate pad paper covered in mirror writing so it would be hard for our classmates to decipher it. But then it got pretty confusing because Rosa would sometimes crumple it to make it easy to toss. And because I was sitting next to the trash bin, I would sometimes mistake half the notes as trash, hahaha. So I came up with the note-passing notebook, which I used to have in 6th grade with my seatmate.

Hahaha, as I leafed through the pages, I was laughing half the time. Some of our conversations were about Sailor Moon, some were about Star Trek. There were even crazy drawings of virtual situations we put ourselves into because of how bored we were during class. Boredom and annoyance (of teachers) are good motivators of creativity and imagination.

Looking for a vacation.

Even though nothing is definite yet, I still can't wait to get into the feel of summer.

Depende pa rin daw kasi sa budget, which I have to wait for before the end of this month.

I want a real vacation this year. I've never had one in years. Literally. The last real vacation I had was when I went to Baguio with a few friends. OVERNIGHT. What the heck was that? The rest that followed were non-existent. That trip to Laguna? It was OK, but it wasn't exactly a vacation that I wanted. The Cebu trip? It felt like an extension of Doubt (which it really is). Zambales? Another overnight thing, holy kamote. I was rushing back to Manila by noon the next day.

I got an invite to an outing this weekend, but I'm not yet sure if I'm up for it.

This year will be different. Starting from that vacation I've been planning. I sure hope it'll push through. I just want to get away from everything. I want to be in a place where there's no hurry, no sense of time.

Then hopefully it's back to the theater for me.

Curtains for EJ

EJ finally closed yesterday. I had arrived at CCP right after the matinee's intermission to avoid the crowd. Ended up talking about trends in music ("nung kapanahunan ko...", pop groups that we listened to in grade school, high school and college days) with Paulo, Minette, Sir Jed and The Dawn's roadie (I forgot his name, hahaha!). It was so funny when Miss Joy jumped in, as she was also sitting at the front-of-house, and gave her input (The Beatles, hahaha!).

Well, the world of the music biz is the same as theater. It keeps getting smaller. As I talked with the roadie about gigs, record labels and producers, I found out that he also knows Tito Sunny and Tita Sherbet (shoutout!). Man, I suddenly miss the Ilacads, specially Jilliebeans.

After the matinee, I joined the cast and crew backstage for the buffet dinner, nyahaha. Hung around the dressing rooms for a while before the house opened, then I headed back to the lobby and joined Nicco, Anna, Russ and Abner while they were just standing around, waiting for the people to enter the theater. Haha, that's where I got to talk to Roeder about his workshop class and new idea for his recital, rawr. And Kyla was there as well with Mr. C. It's been ages since I last saw that girl. Teenee also came to see the show again, but I didn't get to see her until after the show.

After the chimes, we (except for Russ, who went home) entered through the other door and sat in the back row. After a while, Abner decided to leave as well, then Anna, Nicco and I moved to the 7th row for better viewing pleasure (and playtime). We spent half the time chuckling at the cast, nyahahaha. As I had found out before in Kudeta, Riki turned out to be Mayen's male counterpart when it came to onstage playtime, ahehe.

Anna had disappeared after she went to the ladies room during intermission, and as it turned out, she had fallen asleep in her car, hahaha!

Congratulations the entire cast and crew of EJ! You guys had pulled it off, hahaha!

After the show, I was back backstage again as the cast started fixing up and turned in their costumes for clearance. Huwaw, there was food (from Miss Joy?) waiting for them outside the backstage entrance. More pasta, nuts (bad luck daw yun diba?), cheese and wine. Yay!

I wasn't really counting on going to the cast party, but because of several invites, I ended up going. Tad and I hitched a ride with Mayen along with Chrome and Tex to the venue, this huge compound where The Dawn's studio was at. Holy kamote, we didn't expect such a huge spread and some people (specially JB's mom) were so dressed up to the nines.

"Ito na ba yun?"
"Ay grabe, bongga!"
"Tama ba ito?"
"Ayun sila o!"
*rolls down the window* "Mali yata ang pinasukan namin, cast party eh, hindi debut!"
HAHAHAHA!

More food, more drinks, more fun! Yaaay! Kiko was practically everywhere, clicking away with his camera. More cameras appeared, as most of these people are camwhores, haha. Sitting next to Tex most of the time, I'd forgotten how kulit she can be, hahaha. I missed those Dreamgirls days.

Well, the season's over. Time for summer to arrive.

Should I change my mind just for a recital?

I found Roeder in the LT lobby yesterday evening. A little chitchat led to my asking if he already has an idea of what his class' recital will be this summer. When I found out what he was planning, suddenly I wanted to join his workshop class again instead of moving on to Sir Dennis' new workshop class. It was a great funny concept, and I really want to do a musical like that. But then I thought that it was rash if I went and took the same class again just because of the recital. I know a bunch of people who did something like that, and I wouldn't want to go into such a hasty decision. Plus how will I grow as an actor (wannabe) if I don't go ahead and try the new workshop class?

Next time na lang, Inday.

Try something new.

"If I do want to try, how do I start?"

That was one question I had asked yesterday. Who knew I actually wanted to try something quirky?

Like I always say, we'll wait and see. I have yet to find out next week. Masubukan nga 'yang The Secret na yan.

Intimidated

"Hogi, umaarte ka pala?"
"Uhm... Oo?"
"Kasi lagi kitang nakikitang nanonood lang eh."

Well, hindi naman kasi mataas ang confidence level ko pagdating sa pag arte. Hindi naman ako kagalingan katulad ng mga nakakasama ko.

Yep, there we go again. (English muna. Mas madali eh, hehe.)

I've always been insecure about myself. I've said that before in one of my most recent entries. Part of the reason is that I easily get intimidated by the people around me.

That's why I never seemed to grow as much as I had expected, back in my early workshopping years with Playshop. I know I'm with my friends and all, but I also know how good they already are. The tough part there is that each group is too big that only a few people get to stand out. Well, among other things, hehehe. That's why I never got to grow as much as I wanted to. Or did I choose not to because I was intimidated by them? Yep, maybe that's it.

When I decided to take workshops again, this time at TP, it was a fresh start. All of us, actually. That's where I finally learned to grow as an actor as I finally learned to shed my inhibitions. Everyone there always had a chance to shine. Hahaha, parang ang tagal mong nakasalang sa acting area if you don't get it the first time around. Plus I met a whole lot of different people coming from different walks of life, with a huge passion for the craft.

Well, not that I'm not grateful for the past workshops. I've learned so much from them as well. But of course, you have to learn as well as unlearn to grow. Heck, during my first week in BA, I had to relearn a whole lot due to some habits that I had picked up from before. I was even called burgis because of how I spoke. In AMT, one of my teachers had even quipped about what I had learned from before, hahaha.

Pero ganun pa rin (ay, bumalik sa Tagalog), pa-shy pa rin ako pagdating sa kakayahan kong umarte. Intimidated by the people around me. Lagi kong sinasabi na ang dami kong pagkukulang. Pero mas hungry ako ngayon para matuto. Babalik din ako diyan. Siguro kulang lang ng drive noon. Ika nga ni Roeder, "May takot ka pa rin kasi eh. You really have to want it."

It's different now.

When I heard about those things, I found it disheartening. But I have to admit, it was kind of true.

Why do some people change and turn out, well, as someone that ends up getting on your nerves? Or worse, they become strangers?

I really feel as if I don't know you anymore. Heck, some people are not even just annoyed at you, but also at your posse, for some reason.

I miss the old you. I know they do too. Maybe that's why they're taken aback by certain changes.

I already said this before. I already heard the apologies.

Watching PHSA's TA recital / Return to Our Town

Nicco had texted me the other night, asking if he could borrow my copy of Our Town, our Beginning Acting class' recital a couple of summers ago. As it turned out, he went to watch PSHA's Theater Arts recital, and one of its segments is Our Fruitful Town, which is a fusion of Thornton Wilder's Our Town and Eraserheads' Fruitcake.

I was so intrigued that I decided to watch it this afternoon, so I headed off to CCP's Studio Theater, along with some of the AC. Nicco was there again as well, with some TKM friends in tow.

The setting wasn't named Grover's Corners and no way are they going to call it Luntian Parang, hehehe. It was set in Fruitcake Heights, where it always seems like Christmas. Upon seeing their colorful costumes (still hardly any props or set), the entire design and theme reminded me of Dr. Seuss. It was like Whoville with sugar, hahaha. I have to say, they pulled it off better than we did, hehe. I actually had tears in my eyes during the 3rd act, when Frannie Wei Wallywalnut (their Emily) decided to go back to the past to relive her 12th Christmas. Man, those kids are gonna go a long way.

After a short intermission, there were 2 more plays, Ang Kamera ni Mang Leon and Panaginip. The former was hilarious, of a balikbayan family visiting their grandparents for Christmas. The latter was about a separated couple, where in time, they question their relationship as new loves come to their lives.

When I walked out of the theater, I began missing my BA classmates, specially the closest friends I had. Over the span of a month, I found an older sister and a younger sister I never had, friends with their own quirks despite lack of tact, and stronger bonds with some of the friends I already had.

With the song "Here's to the Night" playing in my head, here's a shoutout to the denizens of Luntiang Parang...
My alter-ego and my Webb Family... Mimay, Fiancee, Betty, and JP
My hubby and the rest of the Gibbs Family... Nicco, Carmi, Michelle and Tupe.
The neighbors... Tin, Merv, Gem, Pong, Acel, and Kai.
The narrators... Julia, Jenny and Jonna.

I love y'all.

Isip-isip... Tagalog naman

May issues ako sa pagtitiwala. Lalo na sa pagtitiwala sa sarili ko.

Kaya sermon tungkol  sa issue na yun ang abot ko nitong gabi. I deserved it naman talaga. Once napag-usapan namin, na-recognize at na-acknowledge ko na ang iilan sa mga dahilan kung bakit wala akong tiwala sa sarili kong kakayahan. Mas nangingibabaw lagi ang takot ko, kaya nawawala ang confidence. Siguro dahil dun, kaya ako na-awardan na national artist for numerous workshops. Hahaha.

Puro pa rin ako inhibitions at takot.

Tama ka. Why would one particular situation shoot me down when there are still so many opportunities to choose from? Di ko pa naman naaabot ang full potential ko kaya di ko pa naman alam eh. Minsan na nga lang ako gumawa ng resolution, kaya dapat panindigan ko na ang ginawa ko nung bagong taon. Tanggalin na ang mga takot. Ika nga ng mga "F-ers" noon, "Go for it."

More thinking during the wee hours of morning

Too much thinking again at this hour. Must be the caffeine, which I'm still trying to flush out of my system with water.

For the life of me, I can't figure out why I'm back to my "emotional wheel of fortune," as I had called it last year. It wasn't as much as before, but I can tell that it's back. One day, I'm annoyed as hell at the sight of someone (I guess I still am), then the next day, I'm suddenly brooding over another person. Arg. This has got to stop. Maybe a good distraction will help, as Lea had mentioned in one of her most recent blog entries.

No matter how much I say that I'm so used to detachment, I still have this tendency to be so clingy. I end up brooding over the slightest thing. Maybe I've always been living in the past. Over the past year, I've learned how to let go, little by little. I'm still working on it.

Then there's closure. I finally found it. I mean, I had already settled it several months before, but it was only talked about a few weeks ago. It's good. Working on the others, hahaha.

Anyway, moving on.

Just making sure you read this entire post, hehehe. So I'm plugging this for my friend Mahar regarding Monday Nights, New Voices, their new project. It's going to be at Magnet: The Fort, Bonifacio Global City.

We're very pleased to announce that our featured composer for May 2008 for Monday Nights, New Voices is none other than Mr. Vince de Jesus. Sir Vince's varied body work includes the musicals Himala, Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah and most recently, Skin Deep.

If one is a performer who is interested in performing one of the songs of Mr. de Jesus, feel free to email us at mnnvmanila@yahoo.com with a sample of your singing or a venue where we can visit to hear you perform. As always, the organizers will do their best to hear everyone!

I wonder if the cast of ZsaZsa will check this out? Paging the Lollipops, kayo na rin, hahaha!

Quote for the day from Bong, who got it somewhere while he was online earlier at the LT lobby:
"If people hate you, you're doing something right."

Hahaha, and that was right after we had talked about a couple of negative reviews of Kudeta and EJ.

Need to get some shut-eye. Have to wake up early.