random thoughts that I didn't get to write last night

Let's face it. I'm just afraid of getting hurt.

I thought that by having this arrangement, I could prevent myself from getting hurt.

Now I'm just frustrated, paranoid, and in the words of The King and I's King of Siam, "etcetera, etcetera, etcetera..."

Are you losing interest? Are you getting tired of all this? Or me, even? Did I speak too soon when I applauded at your effort?

I have so many questions left unanswered...all because of you.

It's like I'm playing this familiar game. I thought I knew how to play it to win, and when I thought I'm about to win, the tables suddenly turn and my opponent has caught up with me.

Or like that snakes and ladders board game that we used to play. I almost get to that last square when I suddenly land on a different one with a snake head. Or the board suddenly falls to the floor and we lose our places. We lost track and we don't know where we stand.

That's it. I don't know where I stand in this whole thing.

Right, as if you can read this thing.

auditions again

Auditions for The King & I again today. Hahaha, it's been a while since I last attended an audition. Though the last time, it was mostly for dancers. This time, it was a closed audition for select people.

Huwaw, first audition, and I found myself in awe. Mr. Ago, you were amazing. I now consider myself your fan. And of course, I can never forget Calvin, who never fails to not study his audition piece, hahaha! A former local King had also arrived to audition, coolness. It was the first time I had ever seen this actor in person. Not much of a difference, really, hahaha. People always claim that an actor looks different in person, ahehe. A Philippine Idol finalist was there as well, tripping on the last step of the stairs as he made his entrance. Deadma ka dyan, ang bilis tuloy dumating ng karma, hahaha!

After lunch (which I had to help set because I was the one who knew everyone's orders), it was time for female auditions. I'm biased about Cathy, of course. And there were a couple more whose voices I liked, specially the beach girl. When Ms. Matilde from The Necklace had arrived, I couldn't help but say that I've seen that play, hahaha! It was like telling Mr. Ago that I saw his, but not his performance, ahehe. Ms. Matilde's hubby appeared after a while, and suddenly, he was talked into trying out as well. Then of course, we had to wait for the last girl to arrive. When she did, I was surprised to find out that she had just turned 16 yesterday. Too young. But my golly, she had the voice of an angel. I sure hope she keeps going.

Hahaha, I just realized that I didn't mention any auditionee's names except for Calvin and Cathy. Oh well.

Oh yeah, this production of The King and I is an Asian tour, and I don't think Manila is included, for those who are planning to ask (because a bunch had already asked me, ahahaha). Too bad.

the weekend went by

Saturday, November 25

I had a couple of tentative plans for the day. One was to watch a production of Rent in San Beda Alabang. Prof Arvin, Remus and Jam are all in it as Mark, Benny and Collins respectively. But then, I didn't have anyone to go with. Then there's the Francis Papica Foundation's benefit concert at the Aliw Theater. Miss Liza had complimentary tickets handy, but Mimay had offered as well.

I ended up going to the latter.

I first met up with Tin at Starbucks Harbour Square late that afternoon. She wanted to give out her debut party's invitations, so that's where we met up. Waited for Betty and Gem to finish watching Bakeretta, then they joined us. Michelle had also arrived, so random chitchats, such as how Bakeretta was during the matinee (hahaha, Carms, may personal harana ka pa pala!) and how Betty and I finally had respect (well, just a little, HAHAHA) for Ian upon seeing him in Hamlet.

Then Tin wondered how to get some of the invites to some of the people from TP, so we suggested we go to the buffeteria to hand the invites of Nicco, Bong and Cris. We ended up eating there as well, hahaha.

After killing a bit of time, we all had to go our separate ways. Tin had to go to a dinner out with her cousins, Betty and Gem had to go to Intramuros to check out A Walk Back In Time, and Michelle and I had to meet Mimay at the Aliw Theater lobby to get our tickets for the concert.

Michelle and I found Mimay at a table in the lobby with Kit and Dohna. Got our tickets (thank you, Mims!) then waited for Jonna before we headed inside.

Arg, the concert started an hour late. I was already texting Betty, saying that I should've gone with them instead to Intramuros, ahahaha. But hey, it was a freebie anyway, so I can't complain. But why oh why did it have to start so late just because they wanted to fill up the theater?

The concert? Well, it was so-so. I wasn't really wow-ed by it. But I had tons of laughs as I listened to the crowd scream at Erik Santos, Jay-R, Piolo Pascual and Pops Fernandez. I was almost off my seat just laughing as they all surged forward just to take a good photo of the artists, and hopefully even get to touch them. Wahahahaha. I suddenly remembered Peachy when she forgot to press the button of her camera because of that one smile, HAHAHA!

Sunday, November 26

My dad and I went to Cavite City early in the morning to attend MM's christening. My brother was one of the godfathers, but because he's in the US, I had to stand in.

To my surprise, when we got to the church, Ate Ching was there! I had no idea she was in Manila! I just had to hug her real hard to keep myself from doing my trademark scandalous "OH MY GOD!" inside the church. It was so great to see her again.

So there, after a quick ceremony, MM was finally christened Matthew Mesia. Hahaha, we all just had to comment that the photo ops took longer than the actual baptism. We all started laughing when MM woke up. He slept through the entire thing, even part of the photo ops, then he woke up when it was time to have his photos taken with the grandparents. But that kid is so adorable. You have to be on your toes the whole time just to make him smile, hehehe.

For photos, you can check it out here.

Food! We all went straight to the restaurant and I was starving. Never mind that Dad and I stopped over at McDonald's before going to the church, hahaha. It was great to be with Ate Ching again, so we had to catch up on each other's news as we ate. Too bad Ate Shang and Kuya Butch didn't make it, aw.

King and I auditions again tomorrow. This is gonna be interesting.

rawr.

Don't you know how frustrating it is to be with you? It seems that you hardly show any effort at all. If you want this to go somewhere, you've gotta help me make things happen.

OK, so that was what I was thinking yesterday.

I like you, okay? I'm not afraid to say it.

It's just that there are so many things that keep everything from happening. This isn't going anywhere as of now. You don't show me any reassurance of anything, so I'm not confident enough to move forward. You used to make certain efforts to show me how you feel, but right now, there's nothing.

Ayoko ng dinededma ako, especially when I want to voice something out, no matter how simple I phrase it. I guess buti na lang na di talaga ako umaasa na may mangyari.

Oh my, ang drama ko. Stop it, Hogi. This isn't like you.

haven't done a meme in ages

Got this from AJ...

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad. I promise not to come after you with a sharpened pencil either way.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your LJ/blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

Comment away!

a return trip to UP

I feel sick. I had a feeling last night that I was going to come down with something today.

First of all, I just hate it when someone makes plans with me, then no contact whatsoever before the day comes, and finally falls through at the last minute. It's annoying. I was already irritated the night before upon finding out.

Anyway.

Betty and I went to UP Diliman after work to watch Dulaang UP's production of Hamlet. Heard it was only a preview show then, so it was a freebie. Hahaha, I even found Ranina sitting by her lonesome when we got into Palma Hall's Guerrero theater, so we got to take the seats next to her. Mimay found us before the show began, so she took the extra seat next to us.

Hahaha, it was my first time to actually watch Ian in a play. I mean, so yeah, he was our acting teacher, but we never really saw much of what he can do just by teaching us in class. Heck, we sort of lost all respect for him right after that one videoke night , hahahaha! But as Horatio, he looked, well, different. I finally saw him as an actor, not just as that guy in our workshop, ahehehe.

Anyway, after the show, Mimay, Betty, JP, Leo, Ayn, Paolo and I went to A Veneto for a late dinner. By then, I was starving, cranky, and sort of irritated because I knew that I was about to come down with something. Even more when we had all gone our separate ways after dinner. I was already nursing a slight cold by the time I was on a bus home. Waaah.

So today, I was feeling pretty bad, but I still managed to go to work. By the time the afternoon rolled around, I was kinda feeling worse. Went straight to the shuttle terminal as soon as I got out and had a throbbing headache during the entire ride home. Arg. I managed to take a little nap, so now I'm sort of feeling a little better. Darn cold's still here though.

Time to go back to bed.

hm.

Can I just say that I made the right decision not to go forward right away? If I had decided otherwise, who knows how things might have turned out right now.

Earlier this afternoon, I was already thinking of doing something to shake things up a little. Or maybe I'm just going a little crazy.

There are a lot of things going on in this little head of mine, that I can't seem to put everything into words.

It's frustrating. This whole thing really is.

Let's just see how things turn out starting tomorrow and we'll go from there.

Bakeretta

Last night, I went to watch Bakeretta at CCP's Studio Theater with Rosa, Iam, Aris, Ge and Cris. Thanks to Ledi, we got gift checks to the show, cutting our ticket prices in half.

Was the first one to arrive at CCP, and found Bong hanging out alone outside the entrance, so we engaged in small talk while I waited for the others to arrive. Talked about upcoming shows, the dream of staging a local production of Wicked, our comparison of 2 theater companies' workshops (nyahaha), and even High School Musical.

Bong: Makaka-relate ka dito sa Bakeretta. Taga-theatre ka eh.

I had an inkling of what he meant when he said it, having read an email I got from TP's current artistic director via a Yahoo!group, as well as Mia's reaction upon watching the show the night before.

I just didn't expect that it would be that close.

Bakeretta follows the story of a small theater group, attempting to restage a play while struggling with their own personal dramas. I assure you, this is not a ghost story at all. The show let us check out their crazy rehearsals: with a director juggling a personal past and present relationships with two people from his creative team, as well as coping with the fact that he's been diagnosed with cancer; a diva actress who has a knack for tardiness but can't be fired because of sponsorship; an actor's hopes of being brought to Hong Kong Disneyland; another actor's struggle to fit into his costume, because there's not enough budget for a new one that would fit him perfectly.

You can see in director Ago's eyes how much passion he has for the production and the entire company. I saw his excitement as he casted his play. Throughout the play, I've seen several situations that were all too familiar. I even sighted an "everyday is a foundation day" moment, hahaha.

Bong was right.

Anyone who's been in theatre could perfectly relate to the show. My sides ached from laughing as the show progressed, and I felt tears in my eyes near the end of the play. I tell you guys, you have got to watch this play while it's still running. It really hits you right on the spot.

the world gets smaller

Ahaha, more about the title later.

This evening, I met up with Nikki in Glorietta after work so we can go to Intramuros to watch Walk Back In Time together with Remus. When we got a message from Remus that he was running late, we decided to meet him at the venue instead, so we took off in a cab.

We had no idea where the venue exactly is, because the last time I've been inside Intramuros was 3 years ago. Hahaha, that was back when Anna and I first got together during those crazy Ritmo Enkwentro days. Thank goodness we got good directions from the first manong guard that we saw (yes, one of the ones that don those guardia sibil uniforms).

When Nikki and I had reached the venue, the show had already started. No seats, most of the people were standing, except for the people in front that had managed to grab those few Monobloc chairs and some were even sitting on the floor. Oh well, so we just stood around and watched, constantly talking in between, ahahaha. I wasn't really paying attention because Nix and I kept talking the whole time.

After the show, we went outside and walked around. Found out that David was in the cast, so I went over and said hi, as well as to Anna, Tara and Shing. Jerald found us as we were mingling, and even introduced Gary to us. Hahaha, I kept wondering that if we went with him back to Via Mare, we'd get free halo-halo as well.

Remus finally arrived after a while, then Jerald had to go back inside and change. Yay, we found a bench we could sit on. Then I think someone had spotted this girl wearing a really short black thing. I believe Je and Gary had mentioned the girl's name as she had passed by earlier, King or Kim or something. Apparently she was one of the models in the show. I didn't really pay much attention to the name, or even the girl's face. I just noticed what she was wearing.

Nikki, Remus and I just stayed on the bench while the show began outside the venue. When the show was about to move inside, we quickly got to our feet and went in. Sat on the cement floor next to Max, so we finally had a good view of the whole thing. OK, everything was already pre-recorded, so the cast just had to lip-synch the dialogue. And my golly, I have to say, napagod ako para sa cast. But I've got to admire them for pouring all their energy, even though they already had one show just 20 minutes prior to that last one.

Hahaha, when the show was about to end, I remembered that the cast had went downstage to dance in a conga line. Then when they went downstage a second time, they started pulling people from the crowd. I kept as small as possible and hid behind Max, but someone had already grabbed him. Nyahahay, that's when Arni had spotted me and suddenly he grabbed my wrists and tried to pull me to my feet. I resisted at first, but oh well, I gave up and went with him, as they all danced their way out the venue. Wahahahaha.

Oh yeah, let's get back to this entry's title. So after the show, Nikki, Remus and I were standing outside, just listening to Pido and his band, then finally the cast emerges from the venue. Then I found that the girl in that small black outfit was standing in front of me, and said my entire name. Suddenly it dawned on me as to who she was. It was AQ/King! Oh my goodness, a batchmate that I knew way back in grade school, and she's that model that I saw earlier?!? Hahaha, of course, I was so surprised that I think I had alarmed the people nearby with my scandalous "OH MY GOD!" What a small world! After all these years, I find her there. Que amusing.

Anyway, so there.

Oh, by the way, has any of you read Dogeaters by Jessica Hagedorn? The one that's written into a play? I spent part of this week re-typing the script and it was quite an interesting read. What do you guys think about it?

Time to get some sleep. G'night, world.

keeping in touch

Have you ever noticed that most people nowadays make little or no effort anymore to keep in touch?

(Wait lang ha, before anyone reacts, wala naman akong pinapatamaan dito. I've been thinking about this all day, and I've just waited to go online to write this down. Bow.)

So anyway, there. Most people, when they just want their presence felt, it's usually just a forward quote via text messaging. That's it. Sure, it's the thought that counts, but have you ever really thought of how much it would mean to a person if they get a more personal message from you?

I enjoy that personal text to say hi, an email from a friend that I haven't heard in ages, stuff like that. I try to do the same, but do the people I try to contact even appreciate the effort?

I even had a quite a bit of the drama a couple of nights back with a close friend about not getting to talk to them much anymore, up to the point of always brooding. I swear, nakakapagod na magtampo. But after our Y!M conversation, I finally felt much better. Thanks. You get it, but how come some people out there seem numb to everything? Sabi nga ng isa nating kaibigan, parang galit yung isang tao sa kanya. Parang ganun ang lumalabas eh.

Woah, deja vu, I think I wrote an entry about this... in the form of a rant, hahaha.

Barbie at the CMMA

Hahaha, funny title.

Anyway, so Maria Milagros Barbarosa was a finalist in the student film category of the Catholic Mass Media Awards. To my surprise last week, Irene had invited me to go with her and Sheena to the event. It began at 4 in the afternoon, so I just had to catch up because I get out at 5 o'clock.

While I was still in the office getting ready (with a last-minute request from Liza in between), I suddenly got a text from Sheena, saying that the finalist from UST won the the category that MMB was in. She told me that I could still go and catch up with them, and I don't have to dress up. Oh well, I was already in my dress, but I changed anyway, because heck, I don't want to be that girl in the red gown hailing a taxi, hahahaha!

By the time I arrived at RCBC's Carlos Romulo Auditorium, the lobby was packed with people, all dressed up. I suddenly stuck out like a sore thumb in my jeans and black shirt. But hey, I could pass for the stage crew, hahaha. I finally found Irene at the far side of the lobby, and we all stood around talking with Leo, Deanne and Tonet. As it turned out, no one made it in time except for Deanne, ahahaha.

Irene then mentioned that Lea was at the event. Oooh. A few moments after that, we did find Lea leaving the auditorium with her mom. Irene wanted me to introduce her, so I said hello. Lea then asked who I was with, so that's when I introduced Irene, and briefly mentioned that her film that I was part of was a finalist. Hahaha, starstruck si Irene because Lea shook her hand! Great to see you again, Lea! Sorry I had to stop you when you were in a rush.

We then hung around outside the open door nearest the one leading backstage, just listening to the whole banana. We couldn't find Sheena yet, but she turned up after a few minutes of our stay by the door. After a while, we got tired of standing there, so it was back to the lobby for us. Sheena finally convinced me to change back into my dress for photo ops, so I did. Hahaha, I was kinda shy to begin with, because that was the same red dress that I wore as Barbie in the film. I wanted to wear it as a gag, but I guess I felt silly by then, but just for a while. Hahaha, when Kuya Manny of RCBC saw me, he was surprised that I was there, and dressed up.

Anyway, it was camwhoring time! Hahaha, we took advantage of Deanne's camera (Deanne! Pakopya ng pics!) and I didn't even mind that I was lugging a big bag that totally mismatched my dress, hehehe.

My golly, we spent the rest of the event just there at the lobby, taking pictures and just hanging around. I had forgotten how painful my shoes can get if I stand around for a long time, and I didn't realize that my feet were hurting until I heard Sheena complain about her own. We were getting hungry as well by the time the event was over, so we suggested dinner. After a last photo op by Irene's sister, off we went. Sheena, Leo, Tonet and I ended up at Mexicali. Haha, I missed their burritos. Irene had to go with her family and Deanne had to leave as well. Ahehe, I guess you're done being bitter by now, huh guys? Put it this way, we were so close to winning! Nyahahaha!

Nicco's birthday bash

So yesterday, we celebrated Nicco's 21st birthday. Prior to that, Carms, Miko and I have been coordinating with each other behind his back since September to help his mom plan his surprise birthday party, hahaha.

My golly, since then, I think I drove people crazy, bugging them, texting them about the whole banana. I guess you guys are finally glad to be rid of me, huh? Hahaha.

Anyway.

Betty, Mish and I met up in Greenbelt after work then off we went to Oasis, where the party was to be held. We were the first ones there, hahaha. We waited for everyone else to trickle in. I was kinda worried then about the turnout, because there were a bunch of people who messaged me that day, giving last-minute regrets, waaah. I really wanted a lot of people to come. Oh well.

Oh yeah, weeks before the party, Carms, Miko and I met up with Tita Analyn at their condo to talk about the whole thing. We decided on a simple debut-ish program, hahaha. 21 memories and 21 objects. Anyway, because a lot of people had messaged me that they'd be late, we played the whole thing by ear. Too bad the program didn't push through.

So there. Anyway (again).

Back to the party. People were finally arriving, mostly Nicco's relatives. People were still texting me, asking how to get to the venue. Hahaha, sometimes I'd hand the phone over to Merv because I have a really bad sense of direction. But at least they made it, hahaha.

When there was a fair number of people in the venue, I got a message from Carms, saying that Tita was already letting them go to the venue, so they were on their way. Haha, when they arrived, the band started playing "Happy Birthday" as they walked inside, with Kath and her date in tow. Ahehehe, was the birthday boy surprised? No comment, hahaha!

My favorite position in the venue? The chocolate fountain! Wahehehe. I can't remember how many times I've stood by it and pigged out. I think the photographer even found it funny to catch us there as we automatically smiled for the camera, hahaha!

So what did we have instead of the program? We got Nicco to sing with the band, hehe. He was so hilarious, asking everyone what he could sing, stuff like that, until he finally settled on "The Way You Look At Me." Nahaaaks. When he was done, he got Carms to join him onstage, and they sang "Bakit Ngayon Ka Lang." Woohoo! Go Carms! She was awarded a solo spot right after that, hehe.

People still keep popping in, and I was glad to see all the people. And even though it was late, they still managed to drop by. Heck, while there were groups of us were hanging around outside the venue, I finally got a text message from Anna, saying that she and Joel couldn't make it, but a whole bunch of people from TP would still be coming. That was followed by a text from Wenah, asking if there was any food left, because there were 11 of them. What a sight to see indeed. The TP people arrived all together, woohoo! They made it, and there was still enough food for them, hahaha!

I soon found myself at a table in the far corner with Mimay, Nikki and Arni, just watching Nicco's dad do what he does the best onstage with the band. Hahaha, hilarious! Then when we were back at the other side of the venue, I found Cris amidst the TP group gesturing me to come over. Nyahahay, he was standing with Jerald, and he just had to bring up our "It's complicated" YM conversation the night before right in front of him. *bonk* Hahahaha.

The rest of the night was spent just mingling with everyone. Rawr, because the venue was only until midnight, things were gradually being cut short. Hahaha, Nicco even suggested playing a little game when there was just one bunch of us left. We had already arranged the chairs in a circle, ready to play "Zip-Zap-Zoom" when his car arrived. Oh well, time for the birthday boy to go home, so we all bid our farewells to each other as well.

All in all, I had fun. Thanks for all those who came (hahaha, feeling party ko) and thank you for putting up me and my text messages, hahaha.

I'm actually still sleepy, rawr.

just a moment

Got home about an hour ago from Nicco's birthday party. But I'm still too lazy to update. Uploaded photos though.

Check out my Multiply album here.

birthday boy

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NICCO!

"So pag ang 20 nadagdagan ng 1... 21! 21 na ko!"

Hehe, here's to you, baby bro. =)

dare to ask

"Ask me one question... Anything! No matter how crazy it is, I won't get mad, I won't tell anyone. And I promise to answer it. One time lang to, so ask wisely!"

I sent out that message a few days ago out of boredom, and a bunch of people replied. I got these crazy questions, from the most mundane to the most bizzare. I remember laughing out loud when I read the replies from Carms, Betty, Maje and Barry.

There was this one question that Iam fired at me that I thought she'd never ask. But I was so relieved she did. I've been keeping something for a couple of years, and I didn't know how to get around to telling her or Rosa about it. So there, I finally told her, then told Rosa after that (heck, of course both of them have to know), and ended up having a YM conversation talking mostly about that topic, ahahahaha.

I found it funny how I only managed to let out those big secrets in the most obscure situations. I'm one of the most secretive people I know.

Hehe, let's see what kind of questions people can come up with after this post.

un-Halloween

I don't really celebrate Halloween, so I took it as just an ordinary day. Never mind that every time I walk back and forth between my office and the next building, I see little girls dressed up as princesses, walking beside their moms or nannies that tote bags and plastic pumpkins, ahehe.

Nikki and I took the evening as an opportunity to go shopping for a birthday gift. At first, we couldn't decide what to get, but we finally settled on one. Hehe, we alternately window-shopped and looked for the birthday gift until we found it, and there was never a lull the whole time because Nikki always comes up with the craziest things to talk about, hahaha.

Jerald arrived when we were done with shopping and dinner. We sat around and talked until it was time for Nikki to go home, then Jerald and I went to the cinemas to watch The Prestige.

Damn, that movie was the type that made me sit still as the credits rolled, utter "Good movie," then keep talking about it right afterwards. I loved the twists right till the very end. My goodness, even until now, I keep racking my head thinking about all the twists and turns and stuff. Rawr.

Arg, I want to watch the movie again.