The right choice versus the popular choice, a familiar story (for me).

There are still so many things I've written down on my physical journal, but I'd like to write about this particular topic first.

While I was chatting with some of my friends online last night about a certain dilemma one of them was going through, I was telling her certain advice that I received quite some time ago. As I was typing the words down on the chat box, I could hear Mommy Val's voice in the words I was putting down. I was echoing the same advice she had given to me.

It was pretty interesting. I actually love it when I learn something from my mentors then get to pass it on to others, and they actually listen because it came from first-hand experience.

I remember a note related to this that I had tucked away in my phone. It was a note about what I was supposed to share with the rest of the scholars during our Saturday training. To backtrack, a handful of us attended Bo Sanchez's Holy Week retreat last year, and each of us was encouraged by Mommy Val to share something we had picked up from the retreat, be it from one of the talks, or one of the shared stories.

Below is part of what I wrote as a guide to what I had shared during the lecture part of our training.

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Being the eldest (in this group) doesn't necessarily mean you already know what's best for you and for everyone. I may be the eldest (here), but I know that I still have a lot to learn, maybe even more than you guys.

On the second day of the retreat, a woman shared about a business deal that she tied up with some of her friends. Some major things fell through due to the screw-ups of one member of the group. Some of her friends wanted to do something, and even encouraged her to do so, but she had decided to do nothing. She had to choose between the right choice and the popular choice.

This woman's story struck me, because I had to face that choice as well, and not even once. There was this one time that I had to cover for people because of petty excuses. Mommy Val always told me to stop covering for them, to stop babying them. In a way, by telling me that in her usual firm and blunt way, she was empowering me, in order to empower them as well. At some point she had even mentioned that trying to do the right thing for everyone would make you the unpopular one.

She had no idea that I was yet to experience that.

The biggest challenge of the same choice was after one big event. Similar things happened. I knew it was too much already. I couldn't cover for them anymore. I had to tell. That was the right thing to do.

But of course, just because I tried to do the right thing doesn't necessarily mean that I was still in the right at that time, because I made that huge stupid mistake by ranting about the situation and posted my rant on social media. Everyone saw it and was furious at me. True, I was trying to do the right thing, which may not be ideal for the others because we weren't on the same page yet, but that didn't mean that I had to act so high and mighty that I would spread it on social media.

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Popular choice versus the right choice.

I'm still continuing to learn this.

And I'm glad I somehow get to share pieces of knowledge or wisdom that I had gained from my mentors.

Thank you.

Push: The Rehearsal and Performance Techniques workshop in retrospect.

"You really need to do a play, Hogi."

Woah.

That was one of the things Sir Dennis had told me Saturday evening, two days after our recital.

So April had come and gone, and so did the Rehearsal and Performance Techniques workshop under Tanghalang Pilipino. We had pulled off a feat, and performed a show in just 18 rehearsals. Amazing.

I first came to the workshop saying that I wanted to see if I can still act, or even if I'm capable of acting at all. The last workshop I had was 4 years ago. I had fun then, yes, and I did quite some effort, but I knew in a way that I was still holding back then.

This year was different. Because I really wanted to see for myself what I can do, I made the effort to be more open, to explore more. I was pretty rusty from not doing it for quite some time, but you'll never know what you can do if you don't jump into action. Re-learn what you had learned once before.

In this most recent talk series at the Feast, the topic was on your X-factor. Your core gift. I still had quite some difficulty discovering my own core gift, but a realization came in the final talk. The discovery and development of your core gift are not sequential, but parallel. Sometimes you won't realize it until you deliver it.

Wow. Interesting.

I thought that my last performance 4 years ago was already pretty OK by me. But as Mommy Val would always reiterate, you're only as good as your last performance. It's not good enough to be complacent. Coming back to the TP workshops, I was telling myself, I can still do better. I just need to be more open, and commit to what I'm doing. Persistence trumps skill, as Sir Dennis had said.

The material we were given was Bienvenido Noriega, Jr.'s Mga Idolong Romantiko. It has a longer title, which was (get ready for this) Aba, ano't nangangamatay itong MGA IDOLONG ROMANTIKO at ilang nakamulatang tampalasang gaya nil sa ISANG DULANG nanunukso't nagpapatawa ngunit bahagya ring SUMUSURI NG LIPUNAN natin, gaya nito? Aba, aba!

Woah, that was a mouthful.

After we had read the text a couple of times, I sort of thought that staging the 3-act play was pretty intimidating. But with the faith I've always had in Sir Dennis, I also thought that we could pull it off... somehow.

Three weeks of script analysis and exercises came. Every evening, after brief warm-ups and improvisation exercises, we settled down to discuss the script, along with scene work, be it with a partner or with a group, or even alone with a monologue. It was fun working together with different people, sharing the scenes and ideas together. It was interesting how we managed to discover something new with the script every day, something that we can explore and play around with. There were some times that I would anticipate that I would go back to being locked into the script, just barreling through, but then I knew that I would get nowhere if I kept that in mind. I had to stop thinking too much. So I did, and I had fun. I was enjoying myself in the workshop more than I had expected.

I was amazed at how far all of us had grown, beginning from day 1 of the workshop. We were all overwhelmed at the thought of pulling off this play, but day by day, we kept at it, and started noticing how much we were discovering more, and how we were even starting to like the play no matter how confused we were from the very start. That was funny, actually. We had learned to love the play.

As usual, Sir Dennis didn't tell us what our roles were until a few days before the recital. But some of us already had an inkling, but he said he'd tell us on the Saturday before our recital (which was 5 days before the show). I remember sometime during the middle of the week when Sir Dennis assigned me the same role for the 2nd time in a row, because he wanted to me to explore more, as he was only seeing me as Hogi when I was doing it the first time. I remembered that that was a Thursday evening. By Friday, after we had done our assigned scenes, we were told to create new biographies on the characters that he assigned to us later that evening. I ended up getting the same character again for the biography assignment. I knew it. As confirmed near the end of our Saturday afternoon class, Sir Dennis had given me the role of Dona Pepita. One of the 3 roles that has the most lines in the play. Oh my.

Of course, I didn't want to let those lines get in the way of this challenge. By then, most, if not all, of us knew a lot about each character, regardless we were assigned to do them or not. That's one of the many things I loved about this class. I knew why Sir Dennis gave the roles only days before the show. Because by then, we already knew the play backwards and forwards. In a way, we already created and made each of the characters real.

After blocking the play quickly on Saturday evening, the two-day break until the next rehearsal on Tuesday wasn't easy. It meant reading and re-reading the script with the spine/objective in mind, re-graphing, finding more new things in the text, and of course, memorizing. My goodness. I know I'm bad at memorizing things, and Dona Pepita's long lines were practically in every 5 or 6 pages. I even resorted to asking Aldo on Monday night if the next evening was a drop script rehearsal, even though he had already told me that it was best to already know my lines, otherwise it would be crazy. It was pretty daunting just looking at those huge chunks, but I knew that I shouldn't let that get to me. Hello, Hogi, you already know this. You're done most of the scenes before, memorized, no less, with a few minor exceptions. Focus!

Tuesday rehearsal was bad. Really bad. Because of one co-actor who obviously didn't study his script, it somehow affected all of us. Some of us clung to our copies, though somewhat just glancing at the lines. Ended up coming early on Wednesday just so I can have some alone time with the script without any distractions, and I must say that things were getting better. We finally had our first run-through on Wednesday evening with costumes, and I guess it was an okay run.

Our first and only tech run was on Thursday afternoon, just hours before the show. As usual, it was sink or swim. So we did. And we actually had a pretty good tech run. It calmed my nerves a bit knowing that. We even had everything in order backstage. As long as I have things respectively in place, I'll be fine. As long as I listen and be in the moment, I'll be fine. As long as I'm enjoying, I really will be fine.

Showtime! After a few words from Sir Dennis, we said a little prayer, then scurried backstage as the house opened. I didn't bother checking my phone anymore for any messages, as it would just distract me from the show. I just double-checked if my costumes and my script were in my area behind the curtain, and then just sat quietly. Interestingly enough, I wasn't as nervous as I had expected. For some reason, even though I was holding my script while sitting backstage, I stopped running my lines through my head anymore. I didn't want to think about it anymore. I just wanted to relax during that remaining half hour before the show began.

From the moment the show began until the very last minute I was there, I was actually enjoying myself. Before, I used to be quite anxious that I couldn't wait to get off that stage. Never mind that there were a few missed lines, no one noticed anyway. We were told that it showed that we were having fun. I was pretty darn glad to hear that. Some people couldn't believe we managed to pull off a full-length 3-act play. But we made it happen.

The best part of it all? The truth? It was the most fun I've had in a very, very long time.

Kath had said she was glad that I went back to my first love. I knew that even during that 4-year break, I still had that twinkle in my eye whenever I talk about theater. It's true, it's still my passion. I couldn't even describe the feeling when Sir Dennis told me after the show that I should keep on performing. It was the best feeling in the world. It feels so good to be back.

Thank you, Sir Dennis, for believing in me, and letting me take on things that challenge me. It may be tough and may drive me crazy every evening, but it was worth it, and I still had fun. You always inspire me to do my best. I look forward to the future because of your class.

Thank you, Aldo, for all the help. Especially on the last minute advice on knowing the script, even though I took on script analysis before you did, hahaha. Hope to perform with you again soon.

And of course, to my RPT classmates, it was quite the exciting ride this entire month of April. Thank you for the shared knowledge, the laughs, the little quirks and crazies, and everything else in between. It was fun sharing the stage with you. May this play be the first of many for us.

Curtains for Mga Idolong Romantiko. But not for my first love, my core gift.