Should I change my mind just for a recital?

I found Roeder in the LT lobby yesterday evening. A little chitchat led to my asking if he already has an idea of what his class' recital will be this summer. When I found out what he was planning, suddenly I wanted to join his workshop class again instead of moving on to Sir Dennis' new workshop class. It was a great funny concept, and I really want to do a musical like that. But then I thought that it was rash if I went and took the same class again just because of the recital. I know a bunch of people who did something like that, and I wouldn't want to go into such a hasty decision. Plus how will I grow as an actor (wannabe) if I don't go ahead and try the new workshop class?

Next time na lang, Inday.

Try something new.

"If I do want to try, how do I start?"

That was one question I had asked yesterday. Who knew I actually wanted to try something quirky?

Like I always say, we'll wait and see. I have yet to find out next week. Masubukan nga 'yang The Secret na yan.

Intimidated

"Hogi, umaarte ka pala?"
"Uhm... Oo?"
"Kasi lagi kitang nakikitang nanonood lang eh."

Well, hindi naman kasi mataas ang confidence level ko pagdating sa pag arte. Hindi naman ako kagalingan katulad ng mga nakakasama ko.

Yep, there we go again. (English muna. Mas madali eh, hehe.)

I've always been insecure about myself. I've said that before in one of my most recent entries. Part of the reason is that I easily get intimidated by the people around me.

That's why I never seemed to grow as much as I had expected, back in my early workshopping years with Playshop. I know I'm with my friends and all, but I also know how good they already are. The tough part there is that each group is too big that only a few people get to stand out. Well, among other things, hehehe. That's why I never got to grow as much as I wanted to. Or did I choose not to because I was intimidated by them? Yep, maybe that's it.

When I decided to take workshops again, this time at TP, it was a fresh start. All of us, actually. That's where I finally learned to grow as an actor as I finally learned to shed my inhibitions. Everyone there always had a chance to shine. Hahaha, parang ang tagal mong nakasalang sa acting area if you don't get it the first time around. Plus I met a whole lot of different people coming from different walks of life, with a huge passion for the craft.

Well, not that I'm not grateful for the past workshops. I've learned so much from them as well. But of course, you have to learn as well as unlearn to grow. Heck, during my first week in BA, I had to relearn a whole lot due to some habits that I had picked up from before. I was even called burgis because of how I spoke. In AMT, one of my teachers had even quipped about what I had learned from before, hahaha.

Pero ganun pa rin (ay, bumalik sa Tagalog), pa-shy pa rin ako pagdating sa kakayahan kong umarte. Intimidated by the people around me. Lagi kong sinasabi na ang dami kong pagkukulang. Pero mas hungry ako ngayon para matuto. Babalik din ako diyan. Siguro kulang lang ng drive noon. Ika nga ni Roeder, "May takot ka pa rin kasi eh. You really have to want it."

It's different now.

When I heard about those things, I found it disheartening. But I have to admit, it was kind of true.

Why do some people change and turn out, well, as someone that ends up getting on your nerves? Or worse, they become strangers?

I really feel as if I don't know you anymore. Heck, some people are not even just annoyed at you, but also at your posse, for some reason.

I miss the old you. I know they do too. Maybe that's why they're taken aback by certain changes.

I already said this before. I already heard the apologies.

Watching PHSA's TA recital / Return to Our Town

Nicco had texted me the other night, asking if he could borrow my copy of Our Town, our Beginning Acting class' recital a couple of summers ago. As it turned out, he went to watch PSHA's Theater Arts recital, and one of its segments is Our Fruitful Town, which is a fusion of Thornton Wilder's Our Town and Eraserheads' Fruitcake.

I was so intrigued that I decided to watch it this afternoon, so I headed off to CCP's Studio Theater, along with some of the AC. Nicco was there again as well, with some TKM friends in tow.

The setting wasn't named Grover's Corners and no way are they going to call it Luntian Parang, hehehe. It was set in Fruitcake Heights, where it always seems like Christmas. Upon seeing their colorful costumes (still hardly any props or set), the entire design and theme reminded me of Dr. Seuss. It was like Whoville with sugar, hahaha. I have to say, they pulled it off better than we did, hehe. I actually had tears in my eyes during the 3rd act, when Frannie Wei Wallywalnut (their Emily) decided to go back to the past to relive her 12th Christmas. Man, those kids are gonna go a long way.

After a short intermission, there were 2 more plays, Ang Kamera ni Mang Leon and Panaginip. The former was hilarious, of a balikbayan family visiting their grandparents for Christmas. The latter was about a separated couple, where in time, they question their relationship as new loves come to their lives.

When I walked out of the theater, I began missing my BA classmates, specially the closest friends I had. Over the span of a month, I found an older sister and a younger sister I never had, friends with their own quirks despite lack of tact, and stronger bonds with some of the friends I already had.

With the song "Here's to the Night" playing in my head, here's a shoutout to the denizens of Luntiang Parang...
My alter-ego and my Webb Family... Mimay, Fiancee, Betty, and JP
My hubby and the rest of the Gibbs Family... Nicco, Carmi, Michelle and Tupe.
The neighbors... Tin, Merv, Gem, Pong, Acel, and Kai.
The narrators... Julia, Jenny and Jonna.

I love y'all.

Isip-isip... Tagalog naman

May issues ako sa pagtitiwala. Lalo na sa pagtitiwala sa sarili ko.

Kaya sermon tungkol  sa issue na yun ang abot ko nitong gabi. I deserved it naman talaga. Once napag-usapan namin, na-recognize at na-acknowledge ko na ang iilan sa mga dahilan kung bakit wala akong tiwala sa sarili kong kakayahan. Mas nangingibabaw lagi ang takot ko, kaya nawawala ang confidence. Siguro dahil dun, kaya ako na-awardan na national artist for numerous workshops. Hahaha.

Puro pa rin ako inhibitions at takot.

Tama ka. Why would one particular situation shoot me down when there are still so many opportunities to choose from? Di ko pa naman naaabot ang full potential ko kaya di ko pa naman alam eh. Minsan na nga lang ako gumawa ng resolution, kaya dapat panindigan ko na ang ginawa ko nung bagong taon. Tanggalin na ang mga takot. Ika nga ng mga "F-ers" noon, "Go for it."

More thinking during the wee hours of morning

Too much thinking again at this hour. Must be the caffeine, which I'm still trying to flush out of my system with water.

For the life of me, I can't figure out why I'm back to my "emotional wheel of fortune," as I had called it last year. It wasn't as much as before, but I can tell that it's back. One day, I'm annoyed as hell at the sight of someone (I guess I still am), then the next day, I'm suddenly brooding over another person. Arg. This has got to stop. Maybe a good distraction will help, as Lea had mentioned in one of her most recent blog entries.

No matter how much I say that I'm so used to detachment, I still have this tendency to be so clingy. I end up brooding over the slightest thing. Maybe I've always been living in the past. Over the past year, I've learned how to let go, little by little. I'm still working on it.

Then there's closure. I finally found it. I mean, I had already settled it several months before, but it was only talked about a few weeks ago. It's good. Working on the others, hahaha.

Anyway, moving on.

Just making sure you read this entire post, hehehe. So I'm plugging this for my friend Mahar regarding Monday Nights, New Voices, their new project. It's going to be at Magnet: The Fort, Bonifacio Global City.

We're very pleased to announce that our featured composer for May 2008 for Monday Nights, New Voices is none other than Mr. Vince de Jesus. Sir Vince's varied body work includes the musicals Himala, Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah and most recently, Skin Deep.

If one is a performer who is interested in performing one of the songs of Mr. de Jesus, feel free to email us at mnnvmanila@yahoo.com with a sample of your singing or a venue where we can visit to hear you perform. As always, the organizers will do their best to hear everyone!

I wonder if the cast of ZsaZsa will check this out? Paging the Lollipops, kayo na rin, hahaha!

Quote for the day from Bong, who got it somewhere while he was online earlier at the LT lobby:
"If people hate you, you're doing something right."

Hahaha, and that was right after we had talked about a couple of negative reviews of Kudeta and EJ.

Need to get some shut-eye. Have to wake up early.