Finally stepping out of my personal limbo.

This past Tuesday evening, I decided to flip through my blog's old entries. I guess I just wanted to see what I could work with for my annual year-in-review blog post at the end of the year.

Because I was so busy with work last year, I never found the time to blog until this summer. I noticed that my earliest blog posts this year only began in April, when another crux had happened in my life. In the second entry of the month, I had quoted Bro. Bo Sanchez's message in the Feast bulletin.

"When a person doesn't know his core gift, it's like he's living in limbo. Note that limbo is not a bad place. But it should just be a stopover. Not knowing your core gift means it's a place of waiting, wondering, searching, and seeking.

But sooner or later, you stumble upon your place in the world, your spot under the sun, your platform in the universe. You discover what special gift you're supposed to give to the world.

At that point, you step out of limbo. And you step into a little bit of heaven on earth. By that, I don't mean that your problems will disappear. (That's why it's just a "little bit of heaven on earth".) Actually, the opposite happens--your problems multiply. Because now, you develop and deliver your gift to the world.

But knowing your core gift is an amazing experience."

This April was the time I was in limbo. I had left a full-time job, and I somehow felt like I was going back to square one. I had already stopped dancing, and decided to see if I can still act, even just for a workshop.

Getting back on the metaphorical bicycle, I was quite anxious at first, because I had learned to act a different way for a time, so I had to get back to that bigger box where I had to let myself loose again, to channel the sanguine in me again. My phlegmatic self that had been in control for a while had to take a backseat. I had to re-learn certain things again. But this time, I was ready, unlike my old self that had so many inhibitions.

Little by little, I was getting out of my own limbo, and I had just realized that lately. I started finding my own light. I was finally discovering (or maybe just rediscovering) my core gift.

As I started taking that risk, that leap again, the avenues of opportunities started to open up to me. Tanghalang Pilipino's workshop, a staged reading for the Virgin Labfest, storytelling and hosting for Make Believe Productions, Ampalaya Monologues with TAP, and even simply serving as an actor during talks at the Feast. Realizing all these blessings amazed me. It was so overwhelming. To all those who had helped me pave the way to all these avenues, thank you so much. As I had mentioned to my friend Lara, you tend to lose some things, and well, maybe even some people, yet you gain so much more than what you had lost.

Then I suddenly remembered what Bro. Migs had quoted during last Sunday's SYNC session at the Feast.

"I shovel out, and God shovels in, but He has a bigger shovel than I do."

He was right.

I personally experienced it myself.

Amazing.