Well, this had been an interesting couple of weeks for me. Just when I decided to focus on just one line of work (instead of juggling two), I immediately found myself restless. The impulsive sanguine in me led me to a path I had once left behind, due to the simple longing of always having some sort of art in my life.
I had already mentioned this in one of my most recent blog entries, but yes, I returned to the TP workshops.
For the past couple of weeks, I've been spending my evenings in the CCP Conference Room once again for the Rehearsal and Performance Techniques workshop class. This year is the fourth time I'm taking the class, and the third time under Sir Dennis. This is one class I would always keep coming back to, no matter how many times I had said before how challenging it always was for me. I always believe that the learning never stops. Anywhere.
Every time I take Sir Dennis' class (including the Actors Company's script analysis class where they let non-AC scholars join), I always feel excited and anxious at the same time. Excited because I'm sure that I will learn a whole lot, yet anxious because there will always be a bunch of things that I wouldn't understand, or couldn't execute or perform as well as my fellow actors could. But like I always keep saying, every time is always a different class, and I'll say this once more, the learning never ends. There will always come a time, sooner or later, I will finally get what Sir Dennis was trying to get us to understand, and I know how he enjoys our eureka moments during those times of enlightenment or realization.
As I had put in this entry's title, maybe we could chalk it up to experience. There were some things discussed in the class that I couldn't understand before that I could finally get now. Certain inhibitions in performing that I once had are now gone. I learned how to explore things even further, to look for more possible options before narrowing things down instead of just staying in your comfort zone. And it's due to experiences I already had in the past that I'm grateful for, without any regrets. Maybe I just wasn't ready back then. I've grown because I've opened up my mind a little more. I'm even grateful for the fact that I had left theater for a while to explore a completely different world, to return also bringing along most, if not all, the things I had learned from taking that path.
Then there was the talk during today's session at The Feast. As the talk series is about the X-factor, which is basically your core gift, today talked about honing that particular gift. To fan the flames of your passion, as they had said.
There was a question that said, "What is one thing that makes you on fire?"
I thought I had lost it. And now I'm beginning to re-discover it.
I thought I could never improve in performing, especially because there are so many actors who are much more talented than I am. I thought that my thought process was way slower than theirs because they can easily grasp what was told while I would just be a sitting duck with a blank face.
So yeah, maybe I wasn't ready for it then. Let's go back to talking about experience. Like Mads had once told Mommy Val (during a very different situation), maybe because some people are on the 100th page, while the rest are still on the 10th page.
And now I just caught up with the ones who had read faster than I did. And I'm so happy with what's been happening. I get surprisingly flattered with the comments I get during our performances in class, and listen intently on the other notes that I get. Every day provides a new challenge, and as Mommy Val keeps quoting, "You're only as good as your last performance." Set the bar higher. There's always room for improvement.
Rosa said on Facebook that I "look like a fish that found her way back to the ocean." She's right about that. I really now do believe that theater really is essential to my happiness.
I came up to my mentor because I didn't have direction then. Now I'm back to where I had left off, and now I'm putting a little more direction instead of just going with the flow.
Keep the fire burning.
*Class photos courtesy of my TP workshop classmates.
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