Monday, June 13, 2016

Midlife Christ-sis.

If I called 2015 a year of passion, 2016 is about entering my courage zone.

Yes, I'm blogging again, haha. Now let's move forward, shall we?

I will be turning 35 (yes, believe it or not) at the end of this year, so I guess I can say I'm having this midlife crisis ever since my 30s began. Knowing myself, I should be panicking right now, thinking that I'm in my mid-30s and haven't accomplished much in my life. But after all the things I went through since last year, I realized that I don't need to worry about that.

So I may not have direction before. Maybe I still don't have much direction, but now I know I had paved a brand new way. As I keep hearing from so many different people, "The journey is more important than the destination."

There were so many things I wanted to happen before, and what I learned from that is I had put in so much time and effort on things I shouldn't even be focusing on.

I wanted to make money quickly. I got burned out.
I was sick of being single and rushed into psuedo-relationships with guys that weren't right for me. I got my heart burned.

All that changed this year. When I learned to focus on God first, my goodness, so many things were revealed to me. I hadn't noticed these things before, but they were there all along. I was just too distracted with all the things I wanted, that I never noticed the things He knew I needed.

Things started changing drastically after attending Project Courage Zone and the LoveLife retreat early this year.

As I focused on God more, I learned that I'm not alone in this journey. I have friends who are there every step of the way. God directed me to the right people I needed to be with, and drove me away from the toxic ones I kept coming back to. These people made me realize that it's all right to be myself, that I can simply be comfortable in my own skin, especially with them. And with them also came so many amazing lessons.

I learned how to take certain risks, not just for my self-improvement, but to take risks I was once too afraid or too shy or too inhibited to do for His glory.

I was afraid to start over, and I re-learned so much from things that I've already heard before.
I was afraid to sing in public, and I joined the music ministry.
I was afraid of facing an audition, and I performed.
I was always intrigued with gossip, and I shut my mouth and filtered what I say and hear.
I hated being pressured and ridiculed about my single life at this age, and I went with people who embraced who I am regardless of my relationship status.
I was always concerned about pleasing everyone, and I stopped wasting time and effort once I had done my best and not let it affect me.

One of my take-aways from Project Courage Zone was this:
"Do not underestimate yourself by comparing yourself with others. It is our differences that make us unique and beautiful."

I can't believe how simple decisions such as saying yes and going into your courage zone can make a huge difference.

Today, I feel much more comfortable as an individual. I'm an active member of my LoveLife batch. I take pride in serving in The Feast Bay Area's music ministry, but I don't sing to get applause. I sing because I want Him to be applauded.

As I still wander about in this crazy life of mine, I may not have gone as far as I had expected, but that's okay. What matters is that my story has changed, so I can live courageously.

It may not look like it, but I can proudly say that I'm in my mid-30s.

Midlife crisis?

I prefer to call it midlife CHRIST-sis.

As I focus on Him more, that's when the breakthroughs come.

"I shovel out, and God shovels in, but He has a bigger shovel than I do."

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