Reflecting on this summer's RPT workshop.

Yes, this post is overdue. This is actually a sort of reflection paper that Sir Dennis had requested that we give him after the workshop. I decided that this is worthy of a blog entry.

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I had said to my fellow workshoppers at the beginning of the workshop that despite the fact that I’ve taken countless acting workshops, I’m fully convinced that it’s still not yet time for me to shine as an actor, so I keep reverting back to my usual safe backstage work.

Intimidation and inhibitions are my biggest obstacles when it comes to performing. Even though we were comforted with the fact that there are no right or wrong answers during the workshop(s) (especially considering that this is a rehearsal and performance techniques class), there’s always this big part of me that keeps holding back, afraid of making the wrong acting choices.

Then I always end up regretting that I did hold back. And I just wind up feeling frustrated that I didn’t get much out of the workshop, and primarily it’s all my fault.

Dive in. Don’t overthink. These are two of the several phrases that I keep hearing throughout this year’s workshop. I then realized what made me keep coming back to these classes—the hunger to learn the craft even more, the opportunity to make a character your own, the chance to explore different things, be it safe or unsafe, the magical and thought-provoking process of analyzing a script and getting those “aaahhh” epiphanic moments, and the feeling of accomplishment when recital came around.

The workshop class this summer was no exception. As a matter of fact, I felt more fulfilled this year.

I was glad to have Sir Dennis back to teach Rehearsal and Performance Techniques class this summer, as I have been sitting-in at TP Actors Company’s Script Analysis class the entire season. I felt as if I was left hanging when the season ended and we didn’t finish discussing the last play for the class, so I decided to join the RPT class once again. I told myself to stop holding back, as I always do at the beginning of every workshop. The problem with me was that I don’t seem to follow through all that much.

Having taken this class before, I already had an idea about some of the things discussed in the class. But I also knew that every class was still very different, and new things that were never discussed in the previous classes always come up.

Bit by bit, I told myself to learn and unlearn once again, and I should shed off my inhibitions. Go for the kill as I was told the year before.

For some reason, I wanted to get a good role this time, as opposed to previous shows and recitals. So whatever character was given to me for each scene assigned we were tasked to do, I tried my best to do what was given to us. I was always on my toes, and sometimes I still get this feeling that my performance for the day was mediocre. But it wasn’t the usual mediocre feeling of frustration. It was a mediocre feeling of wanting to do more. I do believe that’s quite a good change for me, so I guess I did grow up, acting-wise.

So I guess I was one of the most surprised in the class when I found out that Sir Dennis gave me the role of Gwendolen in our recital of Ang Halaga ng Pagiging Masigasig (his own translation of Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest), the role that I was secretly vying for, even though I wouldn’t really admit it out loud. But well, of course, I was thrilled. Sir Dennis did say that he casted us according to who he really sees fit for the role, so I was mighty flattered, though bowled over, by his decision, as he had entrusted this particular role to me.

It was quite a challenge during the next few days, as we had only 3 days before the recital. It was quite an effort to develop our characters (despite our research), to flesh them out, and somewhat memorize all those lines during the meagre amount of time we had left to rehearse.

My frustration from my first RPT workshop was brought about by my being locked into the script. So with that in mind, I got to learn, unlearn and re-learn. And just dive in. Sir Dennis kept reminding us that it’s not all about memorizing the script. As long as we had done all the research and have our objectives in check, we will be saying our lines accordingly. And I realized that he was right. During parts of the play where I had graphed it intensively with my objectives, I had no problem with my lines. But when it came to certain parts when I didn’t do so much work, I struggled with the scenes and started groping for what I had to say next.

It was sink or swim during the day of the recital. We all struggled during the run-through, and I struggled with some of my objectives, and even my vocal projection (oh, how I easily forget the basics sometimes). But after the notes that we were given afterwards, I somewhat relaxed during the break when we were told to forget about the script for a while as we prepped up for the actual performance.

Being a flurry of nerves, anxiety and excitement, I just decided to focus my energy on my excitement to use for the show. I guess that was a good choice because once I jumped in, I actually enjoyed my time onstage, and felt really good about my performance. Even though I still barrelled through some parts (well, a whole group of us), especially during the third act, I still had a great time and felt more accomplished compared to my previous workshops.

During the final company call after the recital, I was still anxious about our facilitators’ feedback on each of us. Despite certain obvious things that I still have to learn and unlearn, it felt great when Sir Dennis had told me that I really should act more. And I trusted his opinion regarding this. I actually missed acting when I’m doing other work, and I felt this amazing high during our recital.

Over a late dinner after everything, Rayna had told me that during the recital, my objectives were clear, but I just don’t really follow through completely. In other words, I didn’t commit despite the fact that my objectives were obvious. I did take that to heart because I do know that was true, even in the general sense. If I did commit to everything I was doing onstage, I would’ve done a much better performance. If I did commit in my passion in acting, I would’ve been acting onstage a long time ago. And I really should take that to heart.

I do believe that I grew more during this summer’s workshop, and it’s just a matter of focus, commitment, and the willingness and courage in myself to just dive in and stop all the overthinking. Plus the encouragement from my fellow workshoppers helped so much as well along the way. And I’m grateful for both Sir Dennis and Rayna for letting me realize all these things and more this year. Here’s to hoping for more acting opportunities.