Just thinking, that's all.

I just realized that the last time I posted a blog about what I'm really thinking and feeling felt like 3 lifetimes ago. I remember that I only reserved those posts for private entries, so I'm more known for writing cryptic things when I write a public entries about what I think and feel.

I guess I do so because blogging has become more commercial, and personal posts only spark the interests of the people who personally know the blogger. I don't know. Hence, my cryptic posts.

But then again, cryptic posts are useless when you need solicited or unsolicited advice, or for people to empathize with you. Though I'm not really keen on the latter because it just... well, it just too much of a weak girly thing. (Blame it on my reading "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man".)

Anyway, so an old flame and I have been pretty chummy as usual, and it's not really a surprise. But I do have a feeling that sometime soon, we're going to have another argument, tampuhan, or whatever you may call it. It's like a cycle with a weird pattern ever since we stopped seeing each other.

Plus it's weird. I have a feeling he still talks about me with other people, and I don't even know what about. A couple of nights ago, I found that he tagged a girl in one of my most recent (and one of the prettier, hahaha) profile photos, and as quickly as it happened, the tag disappeared. He told me in a brief chat that he wanted to show it to someone.

Huh?

The last time he did so, he tagged another girl (a girl he was starting to like) in one of our old couple photos (from one of my birthdays), to show her what his ex looked like.

Anyway, I found it interesting and funny that I'm still one of his topics of conversation. But why talk about me, of all people, right? Anyone?

OK, enough about that. This is what I get for blogging too early in the morning. Now for some hodgepodge.

My laptop suddenly sort of crashed yesterday. Darn it. So after a deep breath and saving what meager parts of my files that I could, the whole system was completely reformatted. Sigh. I lost all my music, half of my photos and other miscellaneous stuff.

I can't wait for Noli Me Tangere rehearsals to start on Tuesday. The stage management will be meeting later so it makes me more anxious and excited. I haven't had any backstage action in a while, so I need to brush up on my SM skills.

And now, off to work I go.

A look back on 10 years of blogging.

When I had introduced myself at the blog camp, I had mentioned that I was an old-school blogger, as I've been blogging for about 10 years. Haha, for some reason, our lively host was impressed but chuckled, and joked that I had been blogging since I was 5 years old. No one really knew how old I was judging from my looks alone, ahehe.

Anyway, when I recalled that, I decided to take a trip to my old blogs. Let's have a look, shall we?


I started blogging way back in September 2001, and I had used DiaryLand. I came up with the username "tymeless" because I had already been using it before in chat rooms. It was unique, and it somehow suited me (those who really know me know why). The online diary, as it was called back then, was an outlet for me to write whatever I want without my mom having to go through my stuff (as I caught her repeatedly reading my actual diary before). I found out that posting those entries was really therapeutic. I could express what I was feeling without having to tell anyone, I could vent what was bothering me (I once made a scene in front of my friends, making a show of walking out, only to find myself at the computer lab, typing away an entry).

Then when I decided to make a personal website (which was starting to become quite a trend back then), I noticed a few online friends' sites had these weblogs, or a sort of news page for their site updates. I realized that I think I needed one of those.

I ended up finding a clean, decent platform with Pitas.com back in December 2001 , and learned how to design my own "blog." I also found a blogging community (Pinoybloggers) in the PinoyExchange forums, and we all started exchanging links and visiting each others' sites. One thing I didn't expect was that one of the bloggers there actually worked for Studio 23's Digital Tour, and for one of its episodes, they featured our blogs in one segment. It was nice to have a few seconds of fame.

Eventually, I befriended one of the bloggers in the forum, and he told me about this online journal platform that was perfect for me, albeit somewhat exclusive. We had to pay a certain fee to sign up, or we had to receive a certain code generated by someone who's already a member of that site. It was a sweet deal, he gave me a code for me to sign up, and in return, I generated a code for a friend of his.

So that's how I got into LiveJournal back when it wasn't free for everyone yet, way back in February 2002. I've been pretty loyal to it, as I'm still maintaining this site even until now. And I realized that because you can comment on entries, I actually enjoyed having an audience who reads them every once in a while, as I never learned how to attach a place for comments in my previous sites.


I also got an account at Blurty, which is sort of similar to LiveJournal, back in December 2002, and made it more private than the one in LJ. Eventually I turned it into a public blog when I found out that more of my friends from LJ also started signing up for Blurty. Sometime in 2003, I sort of abandoned LJ and focused on just updating my Blurty, until some sort of conflict within a circle of friends ensued, hence my reason to return to LJ, and even start using another place to blog.


That's how a bunch of my friends and I ended up at Tabulas in November 2003, where I really enjoyed blogging at during quite some time. I could also keep track of all my blogger friends by posting their links on the side bar, so once I'm on my page, their own blog was just a click away. By the way, I also still maintain this site, but I guess most of the links on the sidebar have been defunct for a while now.


Finally, there's Multiply, another place where my loyalties still lie since October 2006. I love that I can blog here, plus post photo albums and videos as well. Plus I loved the cross-posting options so it's very convenient for me. I never got around to using the tagging option when I post any entries, though. I guess that's how old-fashioned I still am.


Wow, that's a lot. I can't believe that I've been blogging (and baring part of my heart and soul all over the world wide web) for almost 10 years now. I once thought that I could gather all those posts and turn it into a book, but by now, I doubt it would probably take me another 10 years just to compile all of those, hahaha.

It's actually nice to look back at those old blogs. I randomly took a peek at one entry from each of those sites, and I just smiled at the memories, knowing that I survived all those obstacles, heartaches, and all the crazies that came my way for the past 10 years. Here's to 10 more years and even more.

Blogging hodgepodge.

I haven't posted a hodgepodge entry in ages. So because my blogging drive got fired up this past weekend, it's time for a comeback.

After a 5-day trip outside Manila that consisted of me having to memorize a new combination lock for my bag (that was also used for my locker at the guest house), I come back to the office on Wednesday morning with slight stupidity. Because the new lock combination was stuck in my head, I suddenly found myself facing my office locker blankly, trying to recall the combination to that particular lock that I've been using for a year, hahahaha! It took five tries and even a text to former locker partner Kyrene just so I can open it to get my jacket and clearbook. I sure hope the guard didn't think I was trying to break into someone else's locker.

Speaking of work, today marks exactly one year since I started working part-time at CVG. Wow, it's been a year already? Time really does fly. I can still remember asking Anna about my resume, how I met Kye while we were both waiting for our respective validations, plus our crazy training days with the rest of the wave. From a group of 16, there are only 3 of us left on the floor as of today. I wonder which of us will stay the longest. I remember telling myself that I'll first give it a year, then I'll see how things go. Well, it's already been a year, and I still love the work, plus the friends I have, so I'll just keep going until a turning point or a different opportunity arrives.

Speaking of opportunities (I love how this entry segues on its own), I got a text from Sam early this afternoon, asking about merchandisers for The Music of Andrew Lloyd Webber. As it turned out, the people from Cats are the same people behind this show. Oh my golly, if only I could. But I think my upcoming schedule might be a conflict. Oh well, we'll see.

After the blog camp, there was more.

About a week before the actual event, I got an email from Johnn, the blog camp's main event organizer, that they had planned a little activity for us non-Cebu bloggers on the day after the event. I guess it's to show us around the city and to let us have a taste of their local culture.

According to the final itinerary that was emailed to us, our meeting place was on Sunday was at the JY Square Mall at 10am. From the place I was staying at, I hopped on a jeep that passes that place (thanks to Hendri for the simple directions), and once I arrived at the designated meeting place, I realized that I was the very first one there.

After grabbing a quick breakfast, the few people finally arrived. There was Carlo, Iggy, Ruffy, Johnn plus his brother Van, some of the other Cebu organizers, then Xyza and Jam from Iligan Bloggers. Most of the guys boarded one vehicle with Van behind the wheel, while I was in Ruffy's vehicle with him, Johnn, Carly, Xyza and Jam. We also picked up Yuri while we were on the way to Johnn and Van's house.

I love the Mendozas' house. It was all the way up at Jardin de Busay. The view from their yard was gorgeous. But once they started setting up the food on the table in the gazebo, I momentarily forgot about the view and realized that I was hungry, hahaha.

It was a sort of Cebu food fiesta. There was puso (or hanging rice), Balamban liempo (pork that is "heavenly blessed" with spices, according to Johnn), Sr. Pedro chicken, Siomai sa Tisa, and of course, the one that I was waiting for, real Cebu lechon!

While we were chowing down, Johnn decided to play "mind games," which are basically those ice breaker games that I remember playing this past summer in RPT class, hahaha. It was so hilarious because by the time everyone got it, Yuri basically got somewhat frustrated and gave up during the "Chinese math" game. Johnn ended up teaching it to him, while speaking in Chinese.

Quotable quote.
Yuri: (to Johnn) Why do you hate me so much?

When everyone already had their fill, we were on the road again. It was time for the sunset cruise by Islands Souvenirs!

We first had a brief stopover to pick up Coy. While we were still on the road, Yuri had a bit of a lesson in Bisaya, and he even made a short video on what he had learned.

More quotable quotes.

Yuri: Anong meron sa Manila na wala sa Cebu?
Me: AKO!

Nyahaha, and they all thought I was so prim and proper and serious.

About Sacred Heart School being under Ateneo...
Coy: Heartenista ka, ang "harte harte" mo kasi.

We boarded this nice white banca that came with bean bags. It took quite a while to wait for Ate Imee (our guide that day), so Johnn decided to play all those mind games again to let Coy in on the fun that he missed at Casa Mendoza, and once again, it took a while for him to get it.

We were finally off! The sun was pretty much out at the beginning of the cruise, but it started hiding behind some slightly dark clouds later on in the afternoon. So much for the sunset part of the sunset cruise, hahaha. But even with that, it didn't faze us one bit. Photo ops galore, and even a couple of jump shots courtesy of yours truly (to those who own those photos, please give me a copy, or at least tag me on Facebook, hehe).

After the cruise, Sir Juned and Marck had to fly back to Manila, so Van drove them to the airport while the rest of us waited in SM. A bunch of us still wanted to do something, so Yuri, Carlo, Coy and I were the last to be dropped off... in Ayala Center to videoke the night away in Red Box, hahaha! We stayed there until midnight, finally calling it a night after hamming it up with Bohemian Rhapsody.

That day made my trip worth more than I bargained for. New friends, great food, what more can I ask for?

The following day was actually an extra day for myself to just experience Cebu on my own, or to just take it easy and rest, chill, and pack when the day was over. But I guess that never happened.

Sometime after lunch, while I was just bumming around in my room, taking advantage of the guest house's wifi, Johnn messaged me on Facebook, asking if I had plans that afternoon. Obviously, I had none, despite all the suggestions he gave while we were chatting earlier that morning. He then invited me for a little road trip with him and Van, because they were picking up their younger brother James from the airport (who was flying in from Manila). I ended up hanging out with them while waiting for James' flight to arrive, then after dropping off James' friend OJ at his house, I somehow got invited to join their family for dinner. If the day before was all about Cebuano food, that day was about Chinese food. Haha, all the while, Johnn, Van and I kept inserting tidbits about food reviewing. Balance is the key. Aw, Chef Anton would be so proud.

I guess that was a good way to end the trip. This entire stay gave me more reasons to visit Cebu more often. To everyone that was involved in the Cebu Blog Camp 2011, thank you so much. I've learned a lot, and I'm looking forward to next year. To my new friends, thanks for the awesome time... the hospitality, the brief lessons on the local dialect and of course, the laughs.

The Cebu Blog Camp 2011 experience.

I had first heard of the Cebu Blog Camp from Hendri, who had attended last year's blog camp. I got pretty curious about it, and part of me wanted to go, because, hey, I've been blogging for 10 years already. And, this is also a good excuse to visit Cebu. Heck, the last time I was there was when I flew in with Ate Sally to surprise the Doubt cast and crew, and we only spent quite a short time so I didn't really get to enjoy much of the place.

It took me quite a while to decide whether I really should go to the blog camp or not, because of course, I also have to think of my own budget for this trip. Thank goodness my referral incentive at work arrived, even though it was a little bit late. Once I got the incentive fee, I was off. I sent my registration and started checking airfare (though the rates got higher because the event date was pretty close).

I arrived at Cebu on Friday evening. Checked in at this guest house that mostly catered to backpackers, and it was pretty close to the venue of the blog camp.

I'm an early bird by nature, so even though it took me a while to have breakfast at a nearby fast food place in the opposite direction, ask around about how to get to Sacred Heart Center (despite my lack of knowledge of the dialect), the people behind the event were still setting up by the time I reached the venue.

For some reason, I felt like an alien just sitting there by my lonesome. It seemed like everyone was in a group or at least with a friend, and most were chatting in the local dialect. Thank goodness that by the time the venue had filled up with people, I didn't look like a loser sitting alone at my table, hahaha. Anyway, it amazed me how many bloggers there are out there, in varying backgrounds, interests and ages.

After kicking things off with a meet and greet (complete with own shameless plugging of blogs), on to the topics discussed.

First up was Photography 101, by Paul Gotiong. He discussed pretty basic stuff, really. I realized it was mostly things that were covered in photography class back in school. It was amusing how the die-hard photographers in the camp were suddenly tinkering with their DSLRs while the speaker was talking.

Next was Travel 101 by Estan Cabigas. He talked with such conviction, and I loved what he said that "Travel broadens the mind and enriches the soul." And of course, I totally agree that "bloggers blog for themselves and not for an audience." This really applies to me because I always find blogging therapeutic, and it's one of the primary reasons why I blog. I'm not really conscious of readers. If you read my blog, I appreciate your dropping by. If you don't, I don't mind.

There was a topic on Google and blogging by Aileen Apolo (who, I believe, is Philippines' Google country consultant). She discussed some stuff, or "cool tools that add oomph to your blog." Now there's a thought. Why am I not using those tools? Hahaha. Maybe because I still blog the old school way?

One of my favorite topics came up next. Bloggers' Etiquette 101, by Janette Toral. I love her. She was perky, she was so nice, and her points made so much sense, so here's a link to her own site about bloggers' etiquette. It's what every blogger should know when it comes to attending events. I especially liked what she said during the open forum about not blogging something that could possibly be a bad review. It's all about contacting the person privately bout your feedback, should you prefer not to publish something you didn't like. Tact is something bloggers (well, any human, for that matter) should be conscious about.

Another favorite topic in the camp followed this. Food and Restaurant Review 101, by Chef Anton Gomez. He spoke with so much passion, and I can't help but quote him on what he mentioned at the beginning of his talk. "It's an irony that the more you know, the more you don't know." And I liked that he said that chefs are open to criticism, so you have to be honest, which matters a lot.

Coy Caballes, the social media manager of Globe Telecom, then discussed Social Media Marketing 101. He talked about having a social media "diet," which consisted of its own appetizer, drinks, main course and dessert. They all made sense, and despite the fact that I was scribbling away during his entire talk, I suddenly find out that his talk is posted online on his Tumblr site and you can check it out here.

The final talk of the day was Social Media Marketing Via Facebook, by certified internet marketing expert Ruben Licera, Jr. My goodness, I didn't realize how much you can do on Facebook other than all that trivial stuff. It's a pretty good means of adding more traffic to your own website or blog.

I have to admit, I was pretty focused on the talks the whole time, and I guess because of that, I came off as too quiet or serious. At least that's what a couple of them had told me the day after, hahaha. They said that I looked pretty serious, also looking so prim and proper in a dress, and taking notes the whole time. Hahaha! That's a new first impression that I got. I had never seen myself as the prim and proper type. I think I'm actually the opposite.

In between the talks, there were freebies given away during open forums, and even though I got a freebie (courtesy of AirPhil Express) as one of the early birds at the beginning of the day, I wanted to take a shot at one of the Q&As. Haha, I ended up getting a Mozilla Firefox T-shirt as a prize, and wound up getting another one during the raffle.

After the entire thing, all of us posed for a group photo (hmm... who has a copy of the whole group?), then some people started mingling before they decided to leave. I shyly went up to Janette and asked for a photo op with her, and was too shy to gush about how I liked her talk. I did the exact opposite when I came up to Chef Anton next. I found out during his talk that he was originally from Manila, and then the world suddenly got smaller. As it turned out, not only was he from Manila, he was also from the South! We're actually from the same high school, hahaha! We ended up talking quite a bit about how to go about doing blogging reviews, considering I sort of do the same when it came to theater events.

Speaking of blogging theater events, I was actually surprised that not a lot of Manila bloggers came to the event. I was sort of expecting at least one blogger from Joriben's circle of friends to be there, because they are the ones I always see at blogging events (or at least at the press conferences that we attend).

I have to say, I enjoyed every bit of the blog camp, though I did regret not mingling that much. But the day that followed totally made up for it, and I'll blog about that later today.

Photos of the blog camp can be found at this album, so do check it out.

Reflecting on this summer's RPT workshop.

Yes, this post is overdue. This is actually a sort of reflection paper that Sir Dennis had requested that we give him after the workshop. I decided that this is worthy of a blog entry.

==============================

I had said to my fellow workshoppers at the beginning of the workshop that despite the fact that I’ve taken countless acting workshops, I’m fully convinced that it’s still not yet time for me to shine as an actor, so I keep reverting back to my usual safe backstage work.

Intimidation and inhibitions are my biggest obstacles when it comes to performing. Even though we were comforted with the fact that there are no right or wrong answers during the workshop(s) (especially considering that this is a rehearsal and performance techniques class), there’s always this big part of me that keeps holding back, afraid of making the wrong acting choices.

Then I always end up regretting that I did hold back. And I just wind up feeling frustrated that I didn’t get much out of the workshop, and primarily it’s all my fault.

Dive in. Don’t overthink. These are two of the several phrases that I keep hearing throughout this year’s workshop. I then realized what made me keep coming back to these classes—the hunger to learn the craft even more, the opportunity to make a character your own, the chance to explore different things, be it safe or unsafe, the magical and thought-provoking process of analyzing a script and getting those “aaahhh” epiphanic moments, and the feeling of accomplishment when recital came around.

The workshop class this summer was no exception. As a matter of fact, I felt more fulfilled this year.

I was glad to have Sir Dennis back to teach Rehearsal and Performance Techniques class this summer, as I have been sitting-in at TP Actors Company’s Script Analysis class the entire season. I felt as if I was left hanging when the season ended and we didn’t finish discussing the last play for the class, so I decided to join the RPT class once again. I told myself to stop holding back, as I always do at the beginning of every workshop. The problem with me was that I don’t seem to follow through all that much.

Having taken this class before, I already had an idea about some of the things discussed in the class. But I also knew that every class was still very different, and new things that were never discussed in the previous classes always come up.

Bit by bit, I told myself to learn and unlearn once again, and I should shed off my inhibitions. Go for the kill as I was told the year before.

For some reason, I wanted to get a good role this time, as opposed to previous shows and recitals. So whatever character was given to me for each scene assigned we were tasked to do, I tried my best to do what was given to us. I was always on my toes, and sometimes I still get this feeling that my performance for the day was mediocre. But it wasn’t the usual mediocre feeling of frustration. It was a mediocre feeling of wanting to do more. I do believe that’s quite a good change for me, so I guess I did grow up, acting-wise.

So I guess I was one of the most surprised in the class when I found out that Sir Dennis gave me the role of Gwendolen in our recital of Ang Halaga ng Pagiging Masigasig (his own translation of Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest), the role that I was secretly vying for, even though I wouldn’t really admit it out loud. But well, of course, I was thrilled. Sir Dennis did say that he casted us according to who he really sees fit for the role, so I was mighty flattered, though bowled over, by his decision, as he had entrusted this particular role to me.

It was quite a challenge during the next few days, as we had only 3 days before the recital. It was quite an effort to develop our characters (despite our research), to flesh them out, and somewhat memorize all those lines during the meagre amount of time we had left to rehearse.

My frustration from my first RPT workshop was brought about by my being locked into the script. So with that in mind, I got to learn, unlearn and re-learn. And just dive in. Sir Dennis kept reminding us that it’s not all about memorizing the script. As long as we had done all the research and have our objectives in check, we will be saying our lines accordingly. And I realized that he was right. During parts of the play where I had graphed it intensively with my objectives, I had no problem with my lines. But when it came to certain parts when I didn’t do so much work, I struggled with the scenes and started groping for what I had to say next.

It was sink or swim during the day of the recital. We all struggled during the run-through, and I struggled with some of my objectives, and even my vocal projection (oh, how I easily forget the basics sometimes). But after the notes that we were given afterwards, I somewhat relaxed during the break when we were told to forget about the script for a while as we prepped up for the actual performance.

Being a flurry of nerves, anxiety and excitement, I just decided to focus my energy on my excitement to use for the show. I guess that was a good choice because once I jumped in, I actually enjoyed my time onstage, and felt really good about my performance. Even though I still barrelled through some parts (well, a whole group of us), especially during the third act, I still had a great time and felt more accomplished compared to my previous workshops.

During the final company call after the recital, I was still anxious about our facilitators’ feedback on each of us. Despite certain obvious things that I still have to learn and unlearn, it felt great when Sir Dennis had told me that I really should act more. And I trusted his opinion regarding this. I actually missed acting when I’m doing other work, and I felt this amazing high during our recital.

Over a late dinner after everything, Rayna had told me that during the recital, my objectives were clear, but I just don’t really follow through completely. In other words, I didn’t commit despite the fact that my objectives were obvious. I did take that to heart because I do know that was true, even in the general sense. If I did commit to everything I was doing onstage, I would’ve done a much better performance. If I did commit in my passion in acting, I would’ve been acting onstage a long time ago. And I really should take that to heart.

I do believe that I grew more during this summer’s workshop, and it’s just a matter of focus, commitment, and the willingness and courage in myself to just dive in and stop all the overthinking. Plus the encouragement from my fellow workshoppers helped so much as well along the way. And I’m grateful for both Sir Dennis and Rayna for letting me realize all these things and more this year. Here’s to hoping for more acting opportunities.

To "you guys."

This is something I was planning to post on my Facebook wall as a shoutout to certain friends, but I believe it's more worthy of a cryptic blog post.

To the troubled friend, you know you're loved by all of us, so there's always someone when you're tired. I love you.
To the reproachful secret friend, you're confusing me because of changing minds by the day. But thanks for certain moments, and I miss you.
To the friend-in-law, I'm still wary of you ever since you stuck your nose in other people's business. I don't know if I could tell you anything or even trust you again.
To the mutual friend, I still get suspicious, but I apologize that I think those things of you. You know I still care.
To all my other friends, I miss you. How're you guys doing?

Yes, I still have pending blog posts, but I'll blog again soon!