Ever since I took that big leap into ballroom dancing last year, I did say that if things won't work out after a year, I might go back to my old ways working in theater, taking a chance if given the small opportunity to act, whatever.
Training to be a better ballroom dancer is still working out for me pretty well (despite the fact that I have to budget my money even more to pay for my classes), so I didn't really take much notice of the Cinemalaya auditions that happened this past weekend. A couple of friends asked me earlier last week if I was interested to try out, but I said that I didn't want to. I may miss acting, but I don't think I miss it that much to try to go back into it again.
Then on the bus ride home from class last Thursday, Jam, one of the CSB kids I met through a play I managed a couple of years ago, rang my phone. Not being the type who always answers my phone while commuting, I just let it ring. I then got a text from the same number, and it was Jejo, using Jam's phone. She was asking me if I was free to act for Sam's thesis film. I gave her the days that I was free, and after a bit of details, I finally decided to give it a go.
I only knew about the gist of the story when I had accepted it. I even had no idea what role I would be playing. Heck, I got the copy of the script 2 days before the scheduled shoot, which was yesterday (Sunday). And when I read it, I just sat there, staring at my computer screen.
They had casted me to play a young mother of a rebellious teenager.
What the heck, guys? I can't even pass off as my own age. A mother, no less? I know we haven't seen each other for over a year, but surely you still see my photos on Facebook, right?
Then another thought came into my head. Am I crazy? This is a thesis film. They need good actors. Why did they get me? As a last resort? The last time I acted was during Sir Dennis' Rehearsals and Performance Techniques workshop 2 years ago.
Anyway, so after some coordination, I met up with Jam and some others yesterday at McDo taft at around 6am. Rode with Migs, Yuji and Kim to the location, all the way in Filinvest 2. Even though we left an hour before scheduled, it was still pretty early, and because it was a Sunday, we got there pretty quickly.
When we reached the subdivision, that was when I realized where we were. I remember that this was were Tad and I used to go for their Penalber family reunions every New Year's Day.
I got to meet the rest of the cast and crew at the house we were shooting in (Bella's house). The den was turned into the green room, and after settling in and taking a quick rest, it was time to get ready.
It's been a long time since I acted for a thesis film (the last was La Cancion Del Olvido, way back in 2009), and I was only a supporting character with just very few scenes. But for this particular one (titled Panahon, a hypernarrative about 3 generations), it was a pretty small cast of 2 grandparents, 2 parents, a daughter, the daughter's boyfriend, and the daughter's best friend, so I was practically in every other scene.
It was quite a challenge for me to step up, because considering I haven't acted in ages, and I was among people who've been acting regularly (a couple of them acting for more than half their lives already), I felt like a newbie actor. I didn't have ample time to read and analyze my script. It took 3 tries for me to get into character during a scene with all of the other actors where I had to get into a shouting match with Sam, who played my daughter. I somehow felt embarrassed for the bad takes because I felt like I was wasting precious time already, considering that this was already a re-shoot because I had to step in on short notice for the actress who first did my role.
As the day progressed, the sequences being shot kept raising the bar for me in terms of character. In another sequence, I had to yell at Sam at another time because her character had come home at the crack of dawn. Once again, I had to gather all I've had to yell at her character. Then once that scene was done, I had to shoot the next scene with Tita Chinggay and Tito Ces where my character had to bare all her fears and feelings about her own family to her parents. It took a few rehearsal takes, a couple of notes from Sam and Tito Ces, but it helped. When we were done, I said out loud that it was so hard for me to do a scene like that because I've never done such a thing to my own parents. But true enough, Tito Ces said that it does help to have co-actors like them as support.
We were pretty well fed during the entire day of the shoot. But by the time we had finished the last sequence of the day, I was so glad that Jejo and Migs invited me to eat at this small dimsum place in Makati after we had dropped off Kuya Jack, Jam and Yuji off.
We resume shooting again next weekend.
I had posted this on Facebook during the wee hours of morning.
"After being awake for almost 24 hours now, I finally realize that this stint may just be a brief visit to what I had left behind. Yes, I did miss doing this, and I still have fun doing it, but now I conclude that I'm not cut out for it anymore."
I had crossposted it on Twitter, with an addendum, saying, "I now conclude that I'm so much happier at what I'm doing now that before."
I love what Tin had told me via Twitter after I had posted those. She said, "Theater might have been your comfort zone for the longest time. And in everything we do, we have to go out of our comfort zones and search the world. And in your case, you took the risk and found yourself in the world of dancing. Who would've thought, diba?"
Yep, who would've thought that this crazy girl that had no poise nor grace whatsoever who hides in the dark recesses of the backstage world would find happiness in the world of ballroom dancing? But of course, I'm still grateful for opportunities like this. It just shows that I can still do it, even though not as well as most, but sadly enough, not as much fire as before.
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