weekend entry 2: brooding

Here's entry 2 of the weekend.


Sunday, August 26, 2007

Sitting at my favorite spot in Starbucks Harbour Square. There have been lots of things swimming in my head since yesterday, but I didn’t find the time to write them down.

All week, I’ve been thinking of this one particular thing. If I don’t go through with it, I might regret it, complete with all these "what if" questions that will haunt me for quite some time. But if I go through with it, I might regret it even more with some possible consequences that might emerge. Oh well. Things didn’t go as planned anyway. I somewhat feel relieved that it didn’t happen. But at the same time, I also feel a bit disappointed that things fell through.

The mind is such a complicated thing. Some people can be so complicated also. Not that I’m saying that I’m not as complex, hahaha. But sometimes, some people can be so hard to understand.

Why is it that some people just appear when they need something, or when they discover something new or even just something that appeals to them, only to disappear when things don’t go as expected? Are they only there for the prime selfish reason that they were there for in the first place? How annoying.

And why is it that some people, upon realizing that something won’t happen, will just disappear as well, leaving people hanging?

Ahahaha, I’m just ranting because as some of you may know, I easily get attached to people, and I always have a difficult time detaching. It sucks when people suddenly just get up and go. The funniest of all is this one person who actually thought that I was having a fight with one friend, because we’re not exactly in speaking terms for quite some time. Well, how can we be in speaking terms, when that friend had already chosen not to stay in touch with other friends that he/she knows that he/she will eventually leave behind.

Once again, nakakapagod magtampo. Hahahaha.

It’s been quite a while since I found some alone time like this. I actually enjoy just sitting here, watching the people go by outside, not thinking about the time or whatever it is that is bothering me once I get out of this comfort zone. Idealistic? Well, maybe. Sometimes being so is a good thing, but not all the time. Sometimes my naïveté is the one that puts me in certain scrapes that I can’t help getting into. Well, maybe most of the time, hahaha. And then I’d have quite a difficult time digging myself out of it. I don’t know. Even though I’m naïve, I get pretty stubborn that I wouldn’t know how to react to certain things anymore.

I’ve been thinking too much. That’s another one of my problems. I think too much, yet everything stays in my head. Sometimes when people ask me if anything’s wrong, I just ramble on about such trivial things that pretty much nothing makes any sense. Maybe I don’t have the right outlet. Maybe that’s why my head keeps hurting, hehehe.

Here’s another thought. My mom’s on my case again. She’s been complaining about  my late nights, with meager pay. Can someone please explain to her my chosen career path? I can’t get through to her anymore. I’ve been doing this for about 7 years already, and they still don’t understand anything. Where the heck is the support? My parents, and even my brother are ready to give up on me. Well, so am I on them. I’m the family misfit anyway. If only it were easy to get away.

Back in the LT lobby. Too many people already, waiting for open house of Circa’s 3pm show. Students again, just milling around.